Intuitively seeking direction
through the attic of a mind
many "desire" faded walls
painted over with shades of blue
Slender dreams slip through the cracks
as the buxom hopes gather dust
rickety emotions, just one step
and everyone knows where you are
Craving fluent imagination once held
used more and more sparingly until
it dried in the bottom of the bottle
the bottle left behind mockingly
Exploring the fine possibilities
that perhaps it isn't all destroyed
merely a little cleansing is in order
spring cleaning, if you will
Author notes
unsure of ending, may change it, but this is what it is for now. honest opinions?
Written July 30th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Mind Grease
NurseyPoo was so on target. I do not think I ever have either. This was awesome. Definitely makes ya think. And those poems are the best. -
Truthful & Tactful
Don't think I've ever had such a vivid image of shaking the cobwebs from your mind. Great job.
~~~POO~~~ -
I loved this, I felt the ending was the best part, although you disliked it. Keep up the good work because this was wonderful- thanks for commenting on my poem.
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i loved this, i think i was drawn instantly to it by the title and the firdt stanza. i love how throughout the poem each line seems to describe both the depths of the mind and an attic at eh same time, fantastic imagery. the ending sounds great the way it is, and it's so in tune to the rest of the poem. all in all very poetic and clever, i liked it a lot, (plus i too now know what buxons are
). great write #~anya~#
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I loved the beginning. The emotional photograph of an attic in the mind captured my thoughts deeply. The slender dreams that we LET slip through the tiny crack behind the walls we make is so powerfully true. I love the way I could hold each phrase, each word and create a brushstroke of what you were painting in word and heart. You have agift of word and art. thank you.
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goody good good ^^
*cheers* This is so good. I hesitate to say one is really good but the first stanza really hooked me and it was sooo good ^^> Especially the part about faded by desire and painted over with blue. Really poetic,
keep writing poems like this and you'll be famous ^^ *gets edgar allan poe puppet and paints face as crazycrys's face* see you're famous now ^^
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buxom is just another word for big/large decided to expand the vocab a bit, see, we both learned something new today!
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this was my fav line, "the bottle left behind mockingly", very nicely put. i felt it could have been alittle longer, it was going so nicely and holding me to the screen and then caput! it just ends. i get your point, maybe stretch the point alitle? i love your phrases for describeing ones mind, very nice imagry. thanks for shareing! -cat-
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"buxom?" What does this mean? And don't change the ending. It is fine the way it is. I enjoyed the way you pulled a chore that everyone (well most) have to do into a cleaning of the mind. That is really a hard thing to do. With everything going on at once you often lose track of what your doing. Thank you for sharing.
-Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds -
"the bottle left behind mockingly" sweet line, I like it alot. Very nice poem, been there, done that, thought of doing that, and hope to do that.LOL ok that doesn't make any since. But I did enjoy the poem. well done
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Very Good
I like this. Very Good picture painted..spring clean your mind.. Wow, great thought.
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