The noose round my neck now, has got my heart a flutter
The darkness of the black hood, has got my voice to stutter
And i remember now, why I am standing alone here
Relying on the trapdoor not to open and shaking with absolute fear
You told me, I have no more love for you
You told me, My love for you is through
And I remembered the happier times, before your death
We were making love so often and always short of breath
And your thighs were like arches in the bright Spanish sun
And I thought I was going to be the only, only one
But you excused yourself so bloody often
That my love for you did really start to soften
And turned to tricking hate
That night you turned up late
And I knew that you had been with him
Keeping him out of breath and pleasuring his sin
And I asked you for a kiss and a dance
And the full gorged, red, moon, put me in a strange trance
And took out the ideas I had, of any romance
Then a very, very, dark feeling came over me
It was then I thought I could clearly see
I thought I caught a glimpse of a sly, serpent wrapped around a strange tree
Imploring me, telling me, commanding me, urging me, to kill thee
I grabbed a sharp knife and soon I would be free
Fountains of gushed, red, blood and the gasping of spluttered breaths
And the room turned into a slaughterhouse, a bloody mess
And the blood had turned red, your beautiful white, virgin, dress
The carcass meat on the floor, was the love I had grew to detest
As I cradled your bloody, limp, body in my arms
The serpent did disappear with its evil, magical charms
My subconscious did waken with a great, ringing alarm
Too late, to late, to save my now predetermined fate
The executioner is never, never, late
As I wait for my neck snapping, ultimate, leap of Hate.
Georges
Author notes
A man on the gallows, reflects on his crime of passion.
Written July 30th, 2004. Option picture re abuse and murder.
In a list
A contest entry
- Peasent Cry Of A Deminished Angel by Rock-Junkie.
300 points, ended October 27, 2005, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Death Row by Nemisis.
300 points, ended December 10, 2006, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EROTIC DARK POEMS !!!! by ur worse nightmare.
450 points, ended March 21, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All options by Ignis Corpus.
450 points, ended July 19, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love, Pain, Revenge by Clear-Cut Crystal.
600 points, ended October 2, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - L@@K - 2in1 Contest! Surprise me poems! Prewrites welcome! by Melissa Burns.
450 points, ended December 24, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Love Story With A Twist by Venus25.
425 points, ended September 16, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 81 of 81
-
Intense!
Wowza! I have a great interest in the darkside... very much appreciated!
Raging with emotion and excellent imagery!
Good luck
-
Interesting Congrats on all the previous wins and thank you for entering my humble little contest Good luck!
-
well this is a good piece, i loved this. my favorite part in this poem is "And the room turned into a slaughterhouse, a bloody mess
And the blood had turned red, your beautiful white, virgin, dress
The carcass meat on the floor, was the love I had grew to detest
As I cradled your bloody, limp, body in my arms" good luck in this contes -
wow the imagery works perfect it is done reall well good luck thanks for entering
cass xx -
thanks for entering my contest. it was a very well written poem
-
this is really good. some parts i didnt quite understand and thought that it shouldnt be in there but all-in-all it was good. great job and good luck!
BC 
-
hey, i really like this poem, but that one line, "we were making love so often and always short of breath" i think, ruined it. but other than that i like it.
-
I thought that this was a great write, so many emotions floating through, expressed so clearly. Your images were perfectly done, letting the reader see exactly what you were doing and feeling at the moment. The beginning lines grab you and pull you in holding your interest the whole way through. Your use of passion and the image of gore really clashed well with this. I have to say I really did enjoy this. Thank you for entering this into our contest, we wish you the best of luck. Keep writing, -Heather
-
Very good piece here It is written well the begining grabs your interest almost instantly. My only comments concerning the poem that might be seen as negative would be alot of lines begin with the word And this I think could be avoided! Or halved some how! Good job!
-
excellent poem. full of emotion, no iwonder you got the trophy in the contest!
-
I can see why this was so popular with it's passion and gore!
Well done, Georges! Thank you for the background change. Black backgrounds are fine, as long as the text colours are light pastel shades. 
~ G
-
{GASP!}
Homage
Edited on Aug 08, 8:09 p.m. because ''. -
The flow and emotion of this poem are amazing, it made me so sad to read it, I could feel myself there. You are an amazing writter, what a wonderful job you have done here. I'm going to have to go back and read other things you have writtent oo a little later. Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent with everyone. Good luck with the future writings and with life. Wonderful job!
-
I think I read this before. I don't like dark stuff- it creeps me out, but I guess that is what it is supposed to do. But anyway, this was an outstanding work!
-
Wow, Great imagery and a wonderful job with the emotion!! Good luck in the contest!!
-
The emotions had me on the edge of my seat wishing for it to never end. You keep the reader's attention with the subtle but oh so incredible suspence...what is next, what emotion will come after? Well done, I think you had ought to be quite proud of yourself, because the way you've constructed this poem had me, and others - as you can see - very attentive and intrigued. Good luck,
~Liadan -
Wow! this one really surprised me! all the twists and turns! First love, then suspicion, then hatred, then guilt. Many emotions here! I hope you win this contest, Georges! you totally deserve it! Best regards, moonwick
-
again WoW you are an amazing writer, and you should never stop, it's like, the entire time my eyes were wide, waiting, craving to read the next line. My mind yearned for the next line, the very next word, you had my full attention. I just loved it.
Ash* -
amazing
wow.. that's really all i can say.. this is soo much emotion that you could ever dream it! don't get me wrong it's awesome! I've never read a poem on this site with so much emotion.. yeah.. there's the lovey dovey and stuff, but this is beyond anything i've ever read.. congradulations I love this poem!
~Mary~ -
Wow. An amazing well done poem. It flowed beautifully and with graphic imagery. Keep up the g00d work.
-
Breathtaking
This is an amazing piece. It's full with so much love and hate and... Well done!!! -
it had very vivid description... in one line towards the beginning i think the i should be capitalized... other than that it was really good... congrats on winnin gthe contest...
Just Me..
-
WOW! This is fantastic! It sounds like this is the end of the story - is there a beginning? Because I would love to hear it! Fantastic job!
~Elsie -
Ahh I just had to check that I did comment on this piece, but I guess it hasn't shown as so many people have commented their gratitude of you posting this wonderful piece. I read it again two more times as I love it so much. I'm glad it won the trophy, you deserved it. Keep up the great work Georges, take care Kate
-
Love, the beauty it holds, and yet. The darker side can tear apart all illusions and leave them falling like confetti in the wind.
-
wow this poem was ace!! i had to read it a second time to get it all but excellent write.
keep it up!!!!
luv xXx sian xXx -
This poem is SO good! When I read it, I was busy picking up my jaw off the floor! haha. I was amazed at how you really got inside a killer's head in a crime of passion. It left me breathless. It almost gave me goosebumps. The imagery just blew me aweay totally. You had the excact emotion I was looking for. You really are an AMAZING writer and thank you very much for deciding to share it in my contest. It's definently a masterpiece! And also going on my book mark list haha!
-
An age old passion that has led to so many deaths. I wrote a poem about a man on the gallows but not from this point of view. It would be so scary to be standing on the trap door waiting for the executioner. Spooky Queen
-
Thank Christ that you got this idea!
It's such a F-ing awesome poem.
I'm going to go read more of your stuff now.
I hope you don't stop writing. -
beautiful...simply beautiful. i love this. you did such a wonderful job. i don't know what else i can say. ...muchlove... RIKKA
-
Excelleent
Excellent poem.. Very good story.. I loved it ! Absolutely Loved IT! -
This was written with very vivid and compelling imagery. Kinda like a deer in the headlights I had to finish it. Interesting and worth the click. Good luck in your writings.
-
awesome
-
I loved the poem but the ending left me hanging, oh my god, I can't believe I just said that
Anyways, the end didn't seem to fit the rest, it's all descriptive and vivid and then the end is like a loose screw. Leap of hate isnt as elegant as the rest of the poem was. All in all though, it was a good write.
-
Kicked Ass
WOW! so describtive the words got through to me. It was like i was watching this murder happen in my mind like i was there standing outside the window watching u do this. Whooo keep it up. i shall like to read more of ur stuff -
His crimes of passion shall haught me until I get senile in the art of memory. I don't believe he should die but I believe he ahould repent and seek redemtion. I'm just in a flutter tonight so I want to see everything go right. Thank you for sharing.
-Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds -
I'm sure you've heard this a bajillion times, but AWESOME WRITE...the perspective you put it in was just awesome. The poem itself came across as atristic and chilling. I'd say it's one of the better portrayed poems on here. Very well done.
~MOONZ -
heh takes only a little bit of time and force to turn somebody from a lving, breathing person to just a pile of meat...err...anyway, great poem, metaphors were and style really made this so much better...managed to throw in a lot of emotions too...but anyway, great poem
~C~ -
I wonder what the other side of this is. How much abuse was received before the tragic ending. Both sides lost here. The receiver and the attacker. The judge will not falter in this one. The fate is sealed.
Excellent write. Good on you. Keep people thinking. -
Holy. F***ing. Good.
Jesus Christ on a bagel with a sprinkle of parmesan, this poem was excellent... Carcass of meat was an excellent metaphor, and I could feel the hatred surging within you. Painful and paragmatically whimsical, in a way. -
Ouch! Strong narrative, and with rhyme. Very well done. Very gripping, full of strong imagery and incredible emotion. Keep writing. You've got talent! Enjoyed this very much!--Kel
-
oh my god.. that was excellant. i dont know what else to say...
-
Oh my Oh my, I hope that you are never scorned in love
a really great write, and you kept a nice rhythm with it too, which is good it being such a long write
lisa -
Positivly Awesome
oh my gosh! the emotion! the tragdy! that was perfect! it gave such imagery! that was a mazing!!! this is perfect for my contest!! this is exactly what i was looking for. my gosh. awesome. Keely -
All your poems flow so beautifully and are so enjoyable to read i have added you to my favorate poets so i can read through your new ones as they come!
A great write and i wish you the very best of luck with your poetry writing!
*hugs*
Suicide Child
-
wow
wow this was amazing this is really awesome. i love it, its so descriptive and the imagery is great. i'm gonna have to read more of your work. great job
love~colleen -
oh my god- made me shiver!!!
-
really great write leeche you wrote something from unqie point of view and captured some real emotions .
Pendragon -
There are no need for words. This was perfection, pure and simple. You never fail to disappoint me.
-
Original
Rhymed narrative tells a story here very well. I'm glad the enlarging allowed me to read it because it bolds the text as well. Betrayal is and betrayed does, one-two-and then three, the anticipated end.
To me it stretched time in a very believable way, where seconds become long minutes and minutes feel more like hours when something terrible is happening. At the beginning the noose is already around the neck, the hood in place, at the end the trap has not yet sprung. Thoughts flash through, but emotion stretches them. A similar sensation happened to me when I skidded on wet glare ice, hit a barrier, and the Ford Bronco flew up into the air, turned upside down, and landed twenty feet below in a gully, bounced off its roof and landed again on its wheels. Weightless in the process it looked like things were rising out of my open purse, and my hand was just too slow to catch and put them back.
Very clever writing if that was intended, wonderful how your subconscious works if you didn't! Thank you! --Dee
Edited on Jul 30, 1:55 p.m. because 'spacing'. -
Excellent
This was just amazing work well done. Dark, deep and final....I salute you
-
I Liked this poem Its diffrent. great write
God bless
mary -
AWESOME!
WOW! The flow and ryme of this poem were excellent! I absolutely loved the images you portrayed in this poem. Great job, this was truly beautiful! Keep up the good Work! -
Beautiful. I tried writing something like this, which turned into my poem 'Innocene's Last Breath'. Your poem is so beautiful. The imagery: the virgin white dress, the spanish sun, wow I'm just writhing in the beauty of this. Excellent.
-
woah, this was totally awesome! It told a story in rhyme full of really good metaphors. this rocks! keep it up! ~Ari
-
Wow -- that is all i have to say. Awesome job. I mean the word choice in every line was so amazing, i can't even pick the best one. I love this one. Great write, great read.
- undisc0vered -
It is amazing. The story is very well written, flows well, and though I often dislike the use of first person, at least in short works, it works great here, adding not detracting to it. The rhyme is hardly noticeable yet is recognized subconsciously. The word choice is splendid throughout. And I like how it starts off already at the gallows, before moving back to the reason he is there.
~Two Feet Under~ -
well done,artistic
great write here,very descriptive and creative,i enjoyed the story told here!!! the flow to this was outstanding and the spelling sublime!! keep it up,you are really fabulous writer,and i am impressed with each poem of yours i have read!!! NBF=NIGHT BLOOMING FLOWER
-
Very very well written...could almost believe it was written in first person...sharp powerful flow....anyways good job...keep it up
dark search -
wow... this is an amazing write! you portray the images so clearly... you did an excellent job of holding the readers attention, I know I sometimes lose intrest in a poem half way down... great job
~*~Ashley~*~ -
Very Vivid
Wow... What and image you gave. The words you used described it so well. I felt like I was there the whole time watching him do the murder. And not only that but it kept my attention, making me want to know what was going to happen next. Love can make you crazy...And the biggest message I got was if he can't have her then no one will. Anyways excellent word usage...Great flow. Keep up the awesome work!
~*Megan*~ -
Wow It really grabs and holds your attention.
-
Wow this was very deep! There was so much symbolism here! I love double meanings of thins! The emotional content of this was amazing! I have read a lot of your works and you never cease to amaze me!
-
more than words can say
excellent job i loved these lines,"And the room turned into a slaughterhouse, a bloody mess
And the blood had turned red, your beautiful white, virgin, dress
The carcass meat on the floor, was the love I had grew to detest
ah! breath taking.very hypnotising.i would love to hear more!very excellent write.keep up the awesome work.
-
god lord you really do have a lot of talent!
that was so beautiful..desperate..lust/hate/love filled and extremly entertaining...
very, very good work and truly amazing concept behind it.. well done!<3x -
Great Poem
Wow, I thought this poem was going to be a ark "I don't like poem" however it thoroughly captured my interest and made me want to look and see the carnage. Good job! I loved the way you allowed us to see inside his head as to what he saw, even if it wasn't true. My favorite line was
And your thighs were like arches in the bright Spanish sun
I want thighs like that!!! lol Good write! -
DUDE!!!! That was awesome. I just love it! I love how, in the middle, you changed the rhyme scheme. You did it so well! I love the imagery, the hidden message, EVERYTHING!!! My last applause goes to you.
-
Excellent!
Just perfectly amazing, i never really like rhyming poems that often but this one you didnt even realize it..because it just flowed so well. The story just flowed and gave off such a vivid imagery as if he was talking to us or we could hear his thoughts. Excellent job! -
awesome, simply awesome! Really cool flow, very dark-the story drew me in and I loved every minute of it, thank you for posting!!!
-
woah... this is an awesome poem... i couldn;t stop reading it. it was so action packed lol. but it was awesome great job!
~Princess -
This is such a wonderful piece of work. Just awesome. It is very hearfelting. I love it. I think you did a wonderful job. Keep up the great work and thank you for sharing it as well
-
Oh man, this was really vivid...amazing write here, though a couple of spelling errors:
"Then a very, very, dark felling came over me"
I think you meant:
"Then a very, very dark feeling came over me"
"The serpent did disappear with it's evil, magical charms"
Wrong 'it's/its'....should be 'its'.
Other than that, wow! Fantastic work here. I loved the symbolism with the serpent from the Bible, as well as the other metaphors here. This is the first time I'm reading a non-philosophical piece from you! Nice job.
-morgana
-
This was a very gripping peice., rather like a horror film you watch through the fingers clapped over your eyes. I do think murder, sad to say ,is the ultimate act of passion and you captured that very well. Good work
-
boho! gosh did u win a jackpot... btw i guess i will only applaud for this one.
-
Flawless
This was sheer perfection. You managed to include so many things in this write. It is dark, mysterious and the crime of passion is but the most intense crime yet. Taking the time to tell the story of "why" the crime was committed was written into the piece flawlessly. The entire piece flowed very well and the imagery was very vivid and you could truly feel all the emotion. Very well done my friend.
Victoria Lin -
This was both a very dark poem, full of betrayal and anguish.... and an enlightening poem in a strange way... showing the sheer excitement and ( should I say pleasure ) of revenge. However I think I would have hacked the bastard who seduced her and not her. Anyway good write
-
That was so emotional, a tragic discovery of the past. The style it was written in is unlike anything I've seen before, although you did rhyme. That style is a little bit inconsistent yet you used it with a strong theme granting uniqueness on the poem. All the themes intertwining provided a massive appeal to emotion, "Keeping him out of breath and pleasuring his sin", I loved this line, as it reminds me of distrust and extreme betrayal, that I somehow felt in the past. A very good piece, keep it up, good luck and God Bless.
-
Excellent
Such passion of hatred, betrayal and love entwining with sin. I loved how you based this piece on a man at the gallows reflecting on what he had done. The most intriguing lines in this piece were:
"The serpent did disappear with it's evil, magical charms
My subconscious did waken with a great, ringing alarm"
I loved that part as it stated that when the man committed the crime, he was urged by a passion of hate and sin to kill his lover and wasn't fully aware of the consequences, he didn't even think about it. You made a good impact on the reader on the last lines about the executioner. Especially the part "never, never, late". It really built up the tension. Another emotive piece Georges, keep up the good work. Take care, Kate
-
Thanks. keepdiscoevil for your comments on my poem, The Execution.
Georges -
duse this is some sick shit.that was just unbelievably awesome.that was really incredibl. so much emotion trapped all in one.well good job and good luck with the rest of your work.
-
Oh my. Hatred, love, sadness, passion all in one. I have felt this much anger. It has happened to be with the cheating. My thoughts were to kill as well. I couldn't thou. Why do people have to lie and cheat is beyond me. I hope this didn't happen to you in real life. LIfe sucks sometimes but we have to go on. I like how you wrote this. Flowed together nicely.
Adding your comment:
1 - 81 of 81
