Silently it starts, reaching for the surface;
Clawing it's way through rock and caverns deep.
From the belly of the earth, it reaches for the sun.
Twisting and turning in it's struggle.
Reaching for the summit, it bubbles just for a second;
Before spiralling downwards; Bucking and rearing
in it's hurry to flow and ebb as is it's wont.
The clear young water moves on; Over boulders
and brown earth in it's search to find
the answers, written in the stars.
Bravely moving ever onwards.
Twinkling, with the rays of light darting
this way and that; As to keep up with the motions
of the stream. A darkening awareness, enters the
waters flow.
Racing faster now; Tumbling and throwing it'self
forward,the stream senses extra strength and volume
in it's mass, that is reaching for the summit of
the unknown.
Gathering momentum, it gathers it's self into
a force beyond belief. To fly from the rocks that have
been there always, reaching into nothingness. Empty
sensations envelope the stream, into a gentle descent.
Kaleidoscopes of colour, flash as with a great dive.
The stream becomes one with the river below;
Buffeting and jostling for advantage; The water moves forward,
as one.
Author notes
Written July 29th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- All Natural by Saknika.
350 points, ended March 20, 2005, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Whoa! That was really good and VERY descreptive! wahoo! Claps!
I don't meant to sound cheap, but I'd applaud it if I had my free applauses left over! lol 
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okay evolution of a river, of time of life...I still like this and thanks for correcting typo...smiles to ya...
freda
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Thank you . I am honoured
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Lol
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Thank you Freda, I have changed a few elements and corrected spelling errors, so hopefully it now stands proud
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My apologies Pierre, I refere to the evolution of a river
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Excellent!
Interesting view here, but I loose the Evolution aspect. You have some great imagery, and your poem in itself is excellent. It is just the title that throws me. -
Thank you so much for the typo error... i have a fear of using dictionaries as not spelling that well , it takes so long to try and find the word I am looking for but I will look up the error
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>> Well written, I applaud Thee ...<<
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Hmmm, well, you shouldn't admit that. Just roll your eyes and say, "Well of course! Isn't it obvious?"
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I have written several pieces using this type ,etaphor and I always find it to be a joy...I think you may have 1 typo...kailidascopes ...check the spelling in the good old spell check...write on and I shall read...freda
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good job
this was good! it would've been better if my sister wasnt annoying me right now and i could've thought about it more! this was a good piece though! it held a lot of imagery and shit. it was good... i really liked it! cant wait to read more of your writing! keep it up!
crissy -
May I just say that your interpretation is rather nicer than mine Silverfox
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Thank you , I will re-think that passage
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Thank you cc, I enjoyed writing it
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Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it
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Smiles yes you had to look closely, but I'm glad you managed to catch a glimpse
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Thank you for your correction, I forgot to spell check
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I thank you for you interpretation of my poem. I will be honest and tell you all I was thinking as I gave this it's title was the birth of a river. I had not thought of it in any other context
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Thank you
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Interesting metaphor for evolution. Correct me if I am wrong, but this is the impression I get:
Life starts out small and alone, and as it evolves it gradually gains in strength and momentum until it finally joins up with the rest of nature, feeding the ecosystem and becoming indistinguishable as an individual.
This is the correlation I make between your metaphor and evolution.
That is, unless you are actually talking about the generic form of the word evolution. In which case you are only talking about the evolution of a river and not the grander concept. If that is so, and I think it is not, then I have over-interpreted your poem. -
Seeme to describe a wave crashing on the shore more than evolution. That's the picture I got and enjoyed that. The one criticism I have with the piece is the phrase "this way and that" Your word choice and pictures were creative and beautiful except for that phase.
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excellant
i really liked stanzas 5 and 7.you did a great write on the birth of a stream and its moving on. -
This is really good. It flows nicely and you describe things well and you had a good word choice. Great job and never stop writing. ~[]v[]arissa
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It's obvious that you were into the description. I had to stretch to see what it had to do with evolution though I could catch a glimpse or two of that.
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I like the flow of the poem. Words seem to be chosen specifically. One technical thing I noticed: In the last line of stanza 2 do you mean "wont" as opposed to "want"? I think you do, but I might be misreading your intentions. Nevertheless, very insignicant techy-glitch thing. Context is what counts.
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Great flow. Great word choice and great rhythm. After reading this I want to read all your other work.
-Jason A. Bahl
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