Chorus:
I am the Muffin Man,
the Muffin Man, the Muffin Man
I am the Muffin Man,
and I'm coming for you...
After you pray and you're fast asleep
Into your bedroom I'll slyly creep
Then I'll hide you with the anthrax in the desert deep
And I'm coming for you...
I'll steal you away as quiet as you please
And hide you with the nukes with cunning ease
Next to the fleas on my camel's knees
And I'm coming for you...
In the middle of the night I'll sneak you away
And tuck you in the south where the Marsh Arabs played
And I'll sink you in their marshes - but I drained them all away
And I'm coming for you...
I'll smuggle you away from your cosy bed
I think I'd like to hide you where no living souls tread
But they found all those graves - we'll go somewhere else instead
And I'm coming for you...
I'll grab you when you're nodding off and slowly counting sheep -
And it's no use to run, my dear, my reach is wide and deep -
Then I'll hide you with the missiles where beneath the sand they sleep
And I'm coming for you...
I'll say abracadabra and with a mighty flash
You'll vanish in the desert just like all the gas
That I'm saving for the Kurds again - what pains in the ass -
And I'm coming for you...
When your eyes are closing and you think I'm just a ghost
I'll carry you away to where I'll be your kindly host -
But they caught me in my rat-hole - aaaah, I'm still the Nastymost!
And I'm coming for you...
And I'll hide you with my secrets in my prison cell
And I'll give you a muffin if you promise not to tell -
Now sit on my knee, and we'll tell George to go to hell!
And I'm coming for you...
I've taken many millions, no matter how they cried -
I'll always come and find you, no matter where you hide -
And then we'll play my little game - it's called genocide
And I'm coming for you...
All rights reserved. (c) Colin Crombie, AyeWright Productions
Copying without permission for non-personal use is forbidden.
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Author notes
To be sung/recited in an arch-sinister melodramatic villainous tone - moustache twirling and eyebrow wiggling optional.
A bogeyman 'nursery rhyme' piece in the tradition of such as Tom Lehrer and Shel Silverstein, and even the great Tom Paxton at his topical best.
Written after reading a news report that the imprisoned Saddam Hussein is partial to snacking on muffins...
Written July 27th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hey, thanks for your comment even if a response was confusing to put together. I'll take any compliment! Put it this way, I meant this to be a bogeyman song (written as a song, after all) - and we just happen to have a perfect contemporary bogeyman, one of several the world is plagued with at the moment. So of course the content is going to seen by some as disgusting. By others - and my own opinion - a deep, dark vein of black, morbid humor runs through this work. That's its intent, to scare, disgust, mortify. Think of what the authors did in things like the Grimm Tales, when they adapted the old traditional folktales, which were about grisly monsters and horrible happenings. If they'd kept things candy-coated, there'd have been no stories like Snow White. Thanks again
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well........... i dunno how to comment on dat poem......... put it this way i think the thinks you have written about are completely disgusting and its kinda sad that people would write stuff like that........ but then its a very tallented piece of work....... the way it is written that is, not the words that are in it!
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Well, thanks for reading. The Muffin Man is meant to be a contemporary bogey man tale - scary, sure, but I meant it to have a morbid humour too. Don't know if you're familiar with much British culture, but this kind of thing would fit into a satirical revue (like the songs of Tom Lehrer), or even into a British Christmas pantomime.
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At first I thought this was going to be funny, and then I found out that it was actually scary. Now the muffin man is not as funny anymore.
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oh i have a sense of humour but i hate that prick after all the pain hes caused can you blame me?And if you look im the only one whos commented on the poem do you know why??cos im damn sure everyone else wants him dead too. the poems good...just wish it had nothing to do with him.
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Sick disgusting
I can not believe someone would waste their time writing a poem about that disgusting coward and sack of shit. I htink the officers who found him should have blown his head off, screw what he knows if anything, all the pain misery and suffering hes caused thousands of people all in the name of his own stupid plans. People like him do not deserve to live, but no, there is no justice in this world anymore and why???Because he may or may not know where some weapons are? Well find him eventually and i say we should slit his throat and spit on his body, hed do the same to us if he could.
eternal butterfly
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