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Mightier than the Sword

One line scrawled across a page
Cannot possibly contain the rage
That I have on occasion felt
I'd rather have a sword at my belt
To strike the world, blow by blow
Like the knights did, long ago
Yet only a pen, not a knife
Can truly explain anger and strife

Author notes

4. The pen is mightier than the sword
Written July 24th, 2004

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    September 12, 2004
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    Strong piece and great wisdome. The pen is mightier than the swords, for it's sting lingers long afterward in the recesses of one's mind, where it's words can be replayed over and over for all time when you least expect it too Great flow and excellently written! Best of luck in the contest to you


  • Kethry
    August 7, 2004
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    Good rhythm and flow it was almost like watching sword swings with this. Good luck in the contest.


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 7, 2004
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    Beautiful write here; used the same proverb myself...the PEN can heal ~~~ or do more damage ~~~ than ANY amount of weaponry that Man can create...it is how I express joy/rage/sorrow/growth/pain, etc....those things that cannot be told in words, very often come out in symbolic drops of ink!!! Good job here, Poet...GOOD LUCK in the contest!!!

  • PiMrizr
    August 2, 2004
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    Thank you Quasar for pointing out the "possible"/"possibly" error. When I first wrote this, it was indeed "possibly." I would have never noticed the typo without your critique. Thank you very much for pointing that out


  • Isi
    July 25, 2004
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    This is a great one, it has wonderful rhymes, good rythm and it conveys the proverb perfectly. As Quasar pointed out; "possibly" would fit better than "possible"
    Also the flow is a bit off on the fourth line, but just by a syllable. Other than that; Well done and good luck in my contest!

    Blessed be
    Isi

  • Quasar
    July 25, 2004
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    a job VERY WELL DONE

    this was so great and really amazing in all that it conveyed in only a few lines! (I wish I could do that!) As required in the contest, we must give a constructive critique on the entry after ours, and my only suggestion would be that you change the word "possible" to "possibly". Other than that very small change, I think this poem is JUST PERFECT!!! Good luck to you in the contest!


  • Doll-Face-
    July 24, 2004
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    *gives you a hug* nice job!

    I like the rythm to this. I can completely relate, because sometimes, I get so mad at the people around me, and that is the only way to feel better. And every poem i write is strictly about how I feel, and the things that are important to me. I can tell you really feel the things you write, and you are one of the few poets that actually do that. I think it's really beautiful when people write their true emotions. Job well done and get back with me!

1 - 7 of 7