heat rises in waves
dust plays gently on the wind
the sagebrush whisper
here creosote dance in rings
whenever a raindrop falls
Author notes
featured in:
blackmail press : www.homestead.com/NZPoetsOnline/index.html (Issue 15)
Written July 24th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Haikus and Tankas - 24 Hour Contest by Simi.
300 points, ended July 29, 2004, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Nice. I love the desert. This is by far the most excellent poem I've read (about the desert).
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berry: here's a picture of some sagebrush:
www.werc.usgs.gov/fire/lv/fireandinvasives/images/bishop_sagebrush_b.jpg
not necessarily the most spectacular of plants to look upon, and they burn like hell when there's a brush fire, but they smell absolutely wonderful. -
dude
these lines were pleasing.well a desert scenario never pleases my eyes though here you have done a nice job by painting a soothing picture when you added the term raindrop
sage brush are the shrubs with white flowers and leaves which has slight shinning right?
and yeah the line "creosote dance in rings"
nice thought with perfect words erin
keep penning
Berry
Edited on May 12, 11:50 because ''. -
i thought this was awesome though
i think i need to inverse it and write one about the water in terms of the desert -
actually, no, i was simply quipping out a small poem at the behest of a friend here on AP. the creosote rings are rather a fascinating attribute of the mojave and surrounding deserts.
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poor
small and desperate attempt to squeeze in creosote, nice try. -
stunning
this is a very beautiful series of images culminating in a splendid moment!:
whenever a raindrop falls
closely observed and written with a focus and clarity that stuns me as a reader, so i go back and read it over and over again, each time seeing something new in it.
a layered poem...
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Very nice tanka. I liked the pivot too, your L3 - "the sagebrush whisper". The title of this is also very nice. I counted the syllables and got 6-7-6-5-7 which makes 31 in total. Please take a moment to check this and correct me if I am wrong. Now this makes me curious..I learnt this afternoon that a tanka should have 5-7-5-7-7 syll. Just like in haiku, we do not necessarily keep it 5-7-5 but ensure that it has no more than 17 syllables, likewise, is it ok to alter the syll. per line in tanka and just ensure that it has 31 syllables in total? Thanks a tonne for your help,
Charishma -
I quite like this piece, it makes me think that although a desert is death to most poeple it always springs back to life.
In the desert it only rains every 10-15 years and when it rains it pours. In this sense your write speaks of the cycles of nature and how somethings appear to dead but rise from the ashes lke the Pheneox (I know I spelled it wrong).
Thanks for the comment... -
I just love this! Short poetry, descriptive, is of my favorite kinds! you really do a great job here
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Wait a minute. I get it now. please disregard my former comment. A truly beautiful scene you have here painted.
~Bezoar
Edited on Aug 27, 9:41 p.m. because ''. -
Wow what a pretty picture you paint of the desert in all its wild glory. This is some really great tnaka. Loved reading it very much Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck
Love
Effie
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Your piece paints a great picture! Good luck in the contest.
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Aww this describes where I live!!! Great poem, I really love the way you write. Good luck to you in the contest.
~*Destiny*~ -
lovely, perfect form, images are very nice, well done. good luck in the contest. nice write.
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I like villanelles and some other long forms of poetry but what really bring me joy is to read a very well written short poem. That is why I choose for tankas and haiku
This one was a very good treat, thanks!
Mari
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