pointing east
to our old home
a faded signpost
of lost dreams
and tears
Andrew Hide
24~07~2004
Author notes
Written July 24th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Haikus and Tankas - 24 Hour Contest by Simi.
300 points, ended July 29, 2004, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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You have a beautiful way with words Andrew. You spin them in such a beautiful patternw hich touched the heart and makes one p[oender and think and be attached to your wprds for hours on end.
THis is some truly finw words from you. I cant find words enough to express how much I liked it.
Really beautiful work here. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
Love
Effie
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now there is a lot of nostalgia in a very few words.... Why do i get the feeling that this is not something I can learn. you have an inate ability to take a scene and make it something. So many tankas and haiku leave me wondering what else there is, but yours are complete...
Another nice one Andrew!
Susan -
This one sounds sad, and at the same time it seems that you feel free of something, some place or someone that didn't make you happy in the past.
As always, a pleasure it was to read a tanka written by you
Mari
Edited on Jul 27, 12:12 because ''. -
Thank you Leafy,
It isn't often someone recognises wabi (or rarely write with it) on this side of the world. I truely appreaciate you taking notice. I did originally write this as a haiku but added the shimonoku almost instantly as I nwanted to show the inner reflection. The signpost wasn't just a symbol of a place we had moved on from, but a symbol of a place we had moved away from seperately. I will work on the shimonoku further yet, (I feel it could be stronger, just need to play around with the words a bit)
Thank you
Andrew -
a very nice poem. It touched my heart. I have never lived in one place long enough to have a sign like that. We are a military family so we move too much. We are ready to retire, so I am anxious to settle down now. I enjoyed your write very much.
cheryl -
I like this but, hope you dont mind, I feel it would be better without the last two lines;
pointing east
to our old home
a faded signpost
To me, this says it all, is more potent and has more ring of an authentic haiku. You already wrote it, but passion made you need to give more. 'faded signpost' has that element called 'wabi' an emotion that is disturbing, that troubles with intimation of fate, maybe even loss of the world, gone, unknown. What do you think? -
Indeed an image to ponder endlessly - I have to agree with Don. Lovely tanka fringed with such gentle sadness...it pulls the heart and the eyes in the direction of the faded signpost. Good luck to you (even though I would need more luck than you, lol!!). Take care, Andrew.
Best wishes
Nicolette
Edited on Jul 24, 3:11 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you Don,
might need a little refinement, but this was the best I could do with the other hand cooking dinner for the lids.
Andrew -
Another fine work from you Andrew..... this tells a whopping story for the reader to ponder endlessly. Well done friend!
Don
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