Look.
A falling
leaf
Another,
then
Another
Sacrifice the hero
Author notes
I wrote this on the plane home from my first visit to the Vietnam Memorial Wall on Veteran's Day '89. It sums up some of my emotions aroused from that intense experience at the Wall.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 67 of 67
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very nice Stephen, very nice
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Lovely !
your Haiku's are so meaningful it must have been a very emotional experience,
I salute you kind sir,
Blessings
Rend
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Oh, such a moving topic, and how you have expressed it realy touches on incredible sensory truths.
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Intense!
My husband is a vietnam vet too and a man of few words. I have the feeling that just being there was so extremely overwhelming that many men like yourself, have a lot to say...but few words to captivate the feelings! tHE WORDS YOU CHOSE THOUGH....wOW!
tHANKS FOR FIGHTING !
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Simple , yet powerfully moving because of the tragedy it portrays. There are many vietnams around the world today and many many more leaves will fall all of them heros.
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simple; yet strong. I love it!
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Well
Growing up at that time and knowing many friends that were in Nam [ Five that died there } I must say as a vet I do thank you
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i lived through this era
it was sad then and i cant even begin to think of how you felt
but your words description was felt by me emotionaly
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Outstanding
I was in Nha Trang, Viet Nam for one year.
Have not been to the War Memorial yet.
Too many died -- that is, ALL who died.
And it is happening again.
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In that I'm no expert on poetic form, I'll choose not to enjoin the fray and debate if this is haiku or not. What I will say that I like the metaphor you presented, with fallen leaves akin to fallen soldiers.
The wall is a powerful force, much more so than I suspect any of it's designers or builders ever imagined, and now we can give it credit for inspiring this lovely little write. -
Unknown? Why did you send this IM to me? "What is critique but criticism? Anything thats worth saying to this is worth banning me for but the freedom of speech is the freedom to offend
i hope you offend no more with such drivel." I have never read this poem, nor have I offended you. I don't even know you or your poem, and yet, you send me an IM basically stating that you hope I don't offend anymore with such "drivel." What "drivel?" And, where is my offending words? I don't know what your problem is, but you need to be more sure about who you're lashing out at, which seems to be many. I've not been here before and am offended by this "out-of-the-blue" attack. What's going on? What's your problem? I'm pretty confused about now. Check out my write "Dear Soldier" and then you'll see where I stand on the issue of war, all without judging another person's beliefs as well as respecting their freedoms too. It seems to me, that you believe one of your "freedoms" is the right to just verbally attack someone you've never met, someone who never commented on any of your work offensively, because I haven't read this, as well as calling my words "Drivel." These words are not "Drivel," and they are the first you have read concerning this poem which means I never said anything to you to deserve receiving this IM. I sure hope you figure out what's going on, because your attack was unwarranted. Again, this is the first time I have read these words. Yes, I'm confused and a bit angry right now. BTW, nice work here. I enjoy the short ones that say so much.--Kel -
what is critique but criticism?
anything thats worth saying to this
is worth banning me for
but the freedom of speech
is
the freedom to offend
i hope you offend no more
with such drivel -
This is really powerful, however short it might be.
Very nice ryhthm (i can't spell that word for the life of me), though that might be because it's a haiku... who knows. -
KEEP IT UP
This was short, sweet, and to the point. GREAT JOB! KEEP IT UP!
~Spike~ -
excellent portray
The only monuments to this war (Vietnam) will be the dead, the maimed, the despairing and the forlorn...
I have a heavy cross to bear where Vietnam is concerned.
Your poem is very poignant and sad but at the same time
passionate and powerful. And I am full of admiration here.
Strangely, I have written a poem about Vimy Ridge recently and
the memorial there. allpoetry.com/Poem/962570
Just in case you may be interested.
~ crissiena 
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My man is a veteran too and I know only too well his thoughts read irish allpoetry.com .Excellent poem
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I am a 100% service connected disabled veteran of the Viet Nam era and my Haiku response to yours was meant as a further affirmation of the ugliness of it all from both sides...there, and how we were perceived here. Frost's poem is IMO perhaps the finest piece of poetry in the English language, but I fail to see your direct connection to the subject matter of either your fine Haiku, or my response to it. Sorry if it seemed out of sorts...just a knee-jerk response from one who was there.
Regards,
Del -
I am not quite sure what your meaning is. I do know that by not avoiding the draft I probably saved the life of at least one person who would have taken my place. I agree that the shame of the war was equal to the treatment of those who returned. Perhaps you said it best when you listed The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost, as one of your favorites.
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humans heaped in holes
a nation dehumanized
utterly shamefull
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This is a great poe. It's so short, but significant. You said uch in very few words and you really wrote it in the spirit of a haiku, although the syllables number isn't really the one for haiku. I like that, writing such a short but nice poem, you make readers think more about what you meant though you said it in a very simple way. Way to go!
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Powerful. I have penned many, many words about war, but in all my words, I don't think I ever created something as moving as what you have written here.
Is it the cause
or the cadence?
Why do they willingly
dive into death
as if it were a swimming hole
on a hot afternoon?
Boys become
movingtargets;
cannonfodder.
Doughboys
over-baked in trenches,
basted in blood
Tired boys in
battlefatigues
suffering
posttraumaticstress.
A grenade tore through
his best friend, like a combine
through a field,
planting kernels of steel
deep beneath his flesh,
which left
nightandaymares of war
cropping up
like a borer worm infestation,
drilling through the stem of peace
he fought so hard to cultivate.
Peace migrated to points south
and the powder drifts
getting into eyes and mouth
we pray the wind shifts
as the one winged butterfly
endeavors to take flight
and the blue bleeds from the sky
leaving it a ghostly white. -
Very powerful write in so few words. Ouch! This nearly brought tears! The Vietnam Veterans were treated horribly, and I will never understand that. Honestly, they left one war and came home to another. So incredibly sad, and wrong! I just wrote a poem titled, "Dear Soldier," which is for all soldiers, including my son who is serving overseas in this war. I also wrote, "Gently Dangerous," after the 9-11 terrorist attack, and before the war was even a thought. I've had a lot of controversy over "Gently Dangerous," because I choose the right to defend myself, on a global scale and a domestic scale. Personally, I consider cold-blooded killers, rapists, pedaphiles(sp), robbers, muggers, drug pushers, and the like, to be terrorists right alongside those who kill on a larger scale. This does not make me violent; it makes me know who I am and what I will do if ever attacked, or if a loved one or even a stranger is attacked without provocation. "Dear Soldier" was also written from the heart, and it has received its share of negative "view-point" comments, as though I had some secret motive for writing it. No. This was written from the heart of a mother to her son and all soldiers fighting this present war, and all soldiers of past worlds. If I can have anything to do here, it'll be to make sure our soldiers return home to home, and not to ridicule and disrespect. I pray all soldiers can, no matter who they are, where they're from and so on. We don't need another Vietnam! Goodness! Sorry for rambling here, but as you can obviously see, I feel very strongly about this subject. Our soldiers, our sons and daughters are fighting for us, and they fully believe this, and they are! If someone is angry about the war, they need to write the president, but don't spit on our heroes! Love this! Evoked a lot of emotion in me! Wow! Do I dare read another? LOL! Love, light and truth!--Kel (one smile if for me, and one is for my son, Miah, living in a tent in the desert, overseas . . .
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I happen to like the way you expressed this...and use of the word hero means many many things..not a haiku fan but you are converting me
rhi -
btw Haiku is my favorite format... excellent job on placing your thoughts into such a confined space...
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was it the imagery of men falling like leaves?
or perhaps being in the jungle and not looking up?
a leaf just fell... why did the leaf fall? was there an animal? or a breeze? or perhaps the heavily camo'd sniper?
I respect and honor you and all who served... it's tough when you don't know what you're really fighting for... it's tough when you feel like you're being thrown into the wind only to scatter and fade....
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Hail returning heroes
Echo down deserted streets
Everyone's asleep
Nicely done, sir...
DaNang 64-65 -
Standing helpless, we watched. This brought it back. A masterful tribute
L -
I was very young during the Viet Nam war, I still lament the way the vets were treated upon return. This is a heart sqeezing write, beautifully done.
Red -
Good imagery. Men like falling leaves... again nicely done...
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You said it perfectly. Nicely done. Irene
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In such small lines , you made the reader feel the poem , wich is the important thing that the reader feels the poems inside of them
help me out with my othre lines i got please
Edited on Jun 27, 9:21 p.m. because 'favor'. -
Thank you for touching a Vietnam veteran. (1st Marine Division, 1970-1971, RVN)
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the wall leans heavily upon the soul and the broken lean heavily upon the wall and grieve for comrades lost....there are names there that haunt...they occupy spaces where one's own name may have been.....so many slots filled to capacity for so little gain
and still over 1700 or more missing.....tiny little bit of land sucked up the best of the youth from the turbulent 60's and seventies and refuses to let them go......rest inpeace..brave young men free from sorrow and pain battle spent, fromr jungle graves all so alone...we shall come and we;ll carry ....you ..Home...Artis... -
wow
yes, very powerful
sounds sarcastic
but at the same time
sad
nicely penned!!
~*~Blu~*~ -
Awww. That was so powerfull with lil words..Aww man..dat got me chocked up..I know what you mean..when I read dat it reminded me of the saying something like I died I a thousand deaths....Good write...
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Thanks for your comment on my haiku. You seem to have a wonderful talent for expressing a lot with a few words and when that's done well, I think it's wonderful. This poem is definetly powerful. I like the form falling down like a leaf and then the one line that says it all at the end. Nice job!
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funny how just a handful of words can leave a mark..
I thought this said so much ...Powerful statement.. -
Very strong and solid piece. As a veteran myself, this gave me chills.
Excellent write.
Thank you for sharing this.
Rodney -
yes indeed this was so short buit for me in particular so powerful and it hits me in the face
thanks for being on my side sayin my piece "inside" was indeed poetry
brinney -
7/10
I am queer on the word 'hero'. I feel a hero is one who risks their lives for someone else. Now, not everyone in war risks their lives for someone else. They are doing their duty and their job. But, I make a slight exception on Vietnam and may be even Korea (not World War 2 because I think most wanted to fight) because most of those soldiers were, in my opinion, forced into a war they didn't want to be in and some knew wasn't their war.
But, really, in my view of 'hero' it is the ability to put aside ones life and help others, whether they die or not.
A good piece here.
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A unique metaphor. Refreshing. Complete in its thought. I am Vietnam era vet.
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I like the metaphor used here - leaves falling as men fall to the ground - this can be related to many of the conflicts around the world. Each and everyone of them a waste of beautiful life.
And as I write this comment aren't there more leaves to bury and to leave their imprint on the wall - such is Life!
Very powerful.
~Von~ -
This is powerful because it's so succinct! I love this and it grabbed my heart. Beautiful tribute to our hero's.
Red -
Very nice in such little words keep up the good work
~Kim -
neutral
My dad and grandpa would really appreciate this poem. My grandpa is a vietnam vet. My dad feels strongly about them because they put their life on the line and got nothing in return. -
neutral
hmmmmm I dont think they really got blown away Sag....more like they lay in big piles and people walk on them as they pass, deaf to the crunching sound beneath their feet.
great write -
excellent
From one who has been there ... and back - Thank you Wordsmith for this.
So many fallen leaves to dry on the ground and blow away .....
Sag -
neutral
witnof is this? o_0 I guess i'd have to be American to understand the 'effect' this poem had on all of you... I mean.. I... Never mind.
Keep on writing! -
neutral
LOL... leaves falling... (millions of people die in Africa from aids, reckon you should cry about those leaves?... nope sweep them under the carpet, there's a good lad). This was so awful it left a bad taste in my bottom. I'm going to bed now, because I don't see the point in living anymore due to the fact that people think this was an impressive peice of poetry. Here's my peice about Sept 11th...
Big Plane go crash.
It said all it needed to say. -
don't touch it!
I don't feel that there is anything lacking here, I like the ambiguity and shortness of this, it says all it needs to say and does so beautifully. Very nice piece. -
neutral
Short, but powerful.
I liked how the poem's written. -
excellent
And all the leaves that stay place, but are ripped to shreds by the cold winds race. -
don't touch it!
Wow, incredible.
Much respect :-) -
don't touch it!
I understand the pain here !
And I remember those times all too well !
Bill -
neutral
not bad -
don't touch it!
Lot's of fallen leaves have come out of every war.. The hero never seems to be looked at throught the eyes of others like the buds on a tree in spring do they. -
neutral
i like this... very simple but u can still convey the importance of it. nice write -
neutral
Could've used more description to capture the harsh beauty of the leaf so that the reader could understand the tragedy of it's fall, but oh well. I get it.
MB -
don't touch it!
When you have a lot to say, it does not take many words to do it. A excellent write, in fact, better than that! -
neutral
succinct indeed
very thought-provoking -
don't touch it!
Well Misty and kyatta,
It's pretty selfexplanitorily simple, fallen leaves are shot soldiers in battle. -
don't touch it!
hard hitting, succint, TRUTH -
don't touch it!
incredible metaphor..and such an impact you have here. -
don't touch it!
I understand too, goz... 'Heroes aren't always acclaimed by the powers that be...' but that doesn't make them any less of a hero.
so much emotion here in so few words. WOW! m -
neutral
I think I'm with Mysty on this one, wanting to know more about the story. -
don't touch it!
so friggin powerful and yet few words!
impressive.
i understand. -
neutral
MaybeI have to have the story behind it.. but I do like the way it was written. Very original.
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