Gently closing my eyes
Feeling the sky's tears descend on
my body
Allowing the wind to catch my hair
Commanding it to sway in the rain
Tasting the eye of the storm on my lips
Letting the wind and rain take me at will
I loose all control of my body and plunge
into the icy ocean
Stilling all my senses I plummet to the floor
of the sea
Cutting of my air way....
My sight turns dim.....
My world becomes a shadow......
In my last moment I hear a voice
The lost voice of a lover
Feeling a grasp on my wrist I am hauled to the surface
Fierce waves crash into me trying to drag me down but the
arm around my waste obstructs them
I feel arms under my neck and legs carrying my lifeless
body across the wet beach
The arms lay me down gently in the sand
Then the feeling of a soft kiss across my lips awakens my soul
Slowly I open my eyes looking for the one who spoke to me in my last moment
But instead of staring into the eyes of my lost love I stare into the lights of heaven
I sit up with Lady Luna's light shining in my eyes and feel the sky's tears descend on my body
Author notes
I dunno if this is any good ... but at least I've tried. Many thanks to Onyx Fire Tear and Stinger Bee who helped me break through my writers block ... Love you guys 
And also thanks Stinger Bee for the ocean idea 
Written July 23rd, 2004
A contest entry
- Make me feel... by Absolutely Abstract.
300 points, ended October 2, 2004, 47 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Thanks ... this was something that I really had to tackle since I was trying to break through a writers block ... but thanks for the comment it's appreciated ... I will try to return the favor when I have the time
~Rachel~ -
Thanks for the comment
-
Congratulations on the medal. You've managed to create a languid feel through the images and soft sounds of the verse. Some of the mixed imagery detracted for me (I don't like it when lifeless bodies feel arms...), but you've tapped into that romance/death thing which so many people find appealing, and handled it well.
Brian -
Congratulations! Very nicely done!
Maureen
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awe thanks sean ... I don't know if I could go as far as publishing ... but who knows maybe I'll actually be good enough on day. I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the applaus
~Rachel~ -
WOOOHOOO!!!
Now this is a great poem. One of the best ones that I have read in a while. I have to applaud this one. Publishing wouldn't be a bad idea for you. -
ty hun your the first one thats ever told me that I should go into publishing ... yeah hopefully eventually I'll win at least one trophy ... and thanks for the applaus its appreciated
~Rachel~ -
great
wow this was by far a great breakthrough in your writers block i wouldnt even think that you could get a wrters block! lol i think you should practice a little more and go into publishing some of your poetry! oh and sory you lost in the contest youll win next time! -
lol ... thanks. I lost the contest :'( but I think I got honorable mentions (at least I think thats what it was) and 25 points Love ya
~Rachel~
Edited on Aug 04, 3:38 p.m. because ''. -
gezzz...... u know how to break through a writers block and come out with a magnificent poem. good luck in the contest.
love ya
hillary -
thanks so much Nikki for your kind words
-
With everyone else I must agree, this is truly a beautiful piece! 'Tis sad, bittersweet but beautiful and filled with lots of gut emotion and wonderful imagery! Good Luck to you in this contest poet!
~Nikki~ -
thanks for the comment and the applaus ... I really appreciate it
-
thanks hun ... when I wrote it I didn't really think it was any good esp. for someone breaking through a block ... but thanks so much for your kind words ... I really appreciate it
-
fabu
awesome... i loved everything about it
lys -
Wow! When you break through your writer's block, you come out with a whirlwind. This is awesome in imagery, flow, creativity, imagination...it's beautiful! Good luck in the contest.
-
Awe thanks so much for your kind words and applaus. And yes you did help me ... weather you know it or not you helped me a lot
~Rachel~
Edited on Jul 24, 1:39 p.m. because ''. -
lol ... you can go on and on can't you Court.But yeah thanks so much for the comment and the appluas. Well I hope it's ok ... just kinda something to help me break through my writers block. Love ya bunches
~Rachel~ -
Rachel,
This is so beautiful. Wow, what a job you did with this piece. I loved the flowing imagery..breath taking. I was honored to have helped you, well I'm not sure I helped.. I just knew you had a masterpiece within you...This is truly one of those a masterpieces. Excellent job.. still sitting here shaking my head...What a write...FABULOUS!!!!
[ - Stinger Bee - ]
Edited on Jul 24 because ''. -
wow rachel this is beautiful. yet again you've created another wonderfull poem. i really loved the way this flows. i just love this whole poem, the way you set the image in my head of you in the ocean, and your lost lover pulling you out, and how you woke up. i really love it. i think i'll applaud it! i love it so much and you put so much feeling into it. very deep and good.
love ya lots,
courtney**
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