Stand yourself firmly on the square
Examine the eye of the pyramid over there
Can you not see the key?
Between your soul and its need to be free?
Ask the guardian Sphinx the riddle
Down there by the pyramid's middle
Did the earth move for thee?
What lies under the desert ground?
Were there any secrets to be found?
Watch as the moon rises majestically over the apex
And enveloped the triangle in it's magical sheen of almost latex
As the stones moved in the moonlight's stare
Drawn by the mysterious power hidden under there
And formed an entrance to the enchanted tomb
Just discernible in twilight's last gloom
And if you enter into the magick knowledge inside
Forget the jewels, forget the riches, forget your pride
Without the comforting buffer of sleep
The infinite wisdoms hidden, could be yours to keep
Georges
Author notes
A dream leads to Egypt and the entrance to the subconcious.Title Pyramid Subconscious.
Written July 23rd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- The EGYPT Contest!!! by NooNiThEWitcH.
463 points, ended August 1, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Very beautiful!
I really enjoyed reading this.. feels like what you would read on entering .. very musical and magical!
" it's need to be free" you should just remove the apostrophe
Good job.. thank you for sharing and entering in my contest. Keep on writing and good luck
Nooni
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Mysterious
This poem is written very well! It was interesting and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
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Amanda, thank you for your constructive comments on my poetry.
Georges -
Thanks, AJtheGreat88, for your nice comments.
Georges -
Thanks, Rambler for the comments on Pryamid Subconcious.
Georges -
Freewill, thanks for the comments.
Georges -
Freda, thanks for the encouraging remarks.
Georges -
Thanks, FlawedSoul for your encouragements.
Georges -
Morgana, thank you for your encouraging comments.
Georges -
To Meta Therion, thanks for the nice remarks on my poetry.
Georges -
Grazia, thank you for your nice remarks on my poetry.
Georges -
Thanks, melancholybaby for your nice comments on my poetry.
Georges -
Thanks, Nikki for your nice comments on my poem, Pyramid Subconcious..........Georges
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Definitely interesting. Beautifully written, it flows perfectly the whole time. I wasn't stuggling to concentrate at all. Nice job,
Amanda -
8 out of 10
very different....but in a good way...it kept my attention the whole time and was on a completely different subject...i thoroughly enjoyed it! -
This had an imaginative core and, at points, was interestingly expressed. I think if you polished it more it would be even better. In places it had a cadence that reminded me of Dr. Seuss. That's not intended to be insulting, it's what popped into my mind as I was reading. Keep writing.
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brilliant write.. well done. thank you for sharing it. pyramids are great
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good flow, great subject matter and well picked worda make this little piece a sure winner ..you take the reader to a far away place and give them a moment to ponder upon the mystery of the great pyramids...well done.freda
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cool, i really like the egyptian theme. i find it really interesting and original. the flow of the piece is pretty good except the rhyming stubbles in places, but no ones perfect! keep up the good work!
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This is interesting, and the title drew me to it because I have studied Egypt for three years (by the third year, I knew more than the teacher). And I have never looked at pyramids quite the way you do in this poem. I was amazed at what I'd stubbornly missed over the years studying Egypt; the simple yet complex beauty of the pyramids...the poem was as breathtaking as the objects they were about...
-morgana
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Good topic, the pyramids have always inspired speculation and wonder. Keep up the good work.
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Nicely Composed
What a thoughtful piece, magical in its ability to provoke both the heart and the mind. It's mysterious air held my attention throughout the poem, and my inclination towards thought kicked in as I read it again. The rhyming is slightly forced, but not destructively so, and definitely adds to the pieces flavor. Thank you Leeche, you left me thinking. Nicely done.
Grazia
Edited on Jul 23, 2:18 p.m. because 'weird block thing instead of apostrophe'. -
Great job. I never looked at pyramids quite like that. Bravo!
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This is a wonderful piece, very thought provoking and full of some great spiritual and non spiritual questioning lines! Also some very nice imagery too! Yes Egypt and the pyramids are inspiring and mystical!
~Nikki~ -
Thanks for your comments, marlowe is dead.......Georges
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Thanks for your comments, sorry you did not like the poem, Loser Unit 00.................Georges
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Thanks, Elizabeth for your comments.
Georges -
Amanda, thank you for your inspiring write about my poetry, keep reading. Best regards.......Georges
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Thanks for the comment Simple-Minded.
Georges -
Certainly sounds like it was written by some kind of "White Man", in the perspective it takes and the pedestrian method of writing. It doesn't conjure up Egypt so much as it conjures the Western perspective of Egypt.
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I can't say that I really liked this one. I'm not a big fan of rhyming, and I think that it hinders this piece. Most of the rhymes seem kinda forced and I can't enjoy what you have to say because I'm distracted by it. You did have a nice story in this one, but the rhyming took away, for me, whatever good was there. Other people seem to like it, though. Maybe I'm missing something? Leave a comment on my page if you want to talk about this piece. Thanks and keep writing,
J to the Z -
great work..egypt is truly inspiring
elizabeth -
wow, your are truely and excellent writer! I've been reading alot of your stuff, and your style or words and rythm and just theme, are awesome! You have great form, and really bring out what your trying to say, with out giving all of it away. You really bring the reader into the time and place, and it makes you think! that is all excellent work, i hope you keep it up.
-amanda -
Excellent
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Thank you Duana for your very kind comments. Some of my other poetry reflects this piece. You can view them at my author's page. Best Wishes........Georges
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This is really wonmderful, and even though is a fantasy story asks some really good questions. My favorite line is: Can you not see the key?
Between your soul and it's need to be free?
Too bad you did not provide even an insight into this quest. If this is part of a larger work however and you have more to reveal, I would love to comtinue reading.
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Thank you, wolfslove for your very kind message and encouragements.
Georges -
I see you obviously like egypt and why not a great land and youre right a hell of alot of wisdom and knowledge to the one who looks. A great poem presented in a great way, it flows steadily and has its own beat and conjours up great imagery. Keep writing
Blessed be
Eternal Butterfly
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