.... for Bonnie ....
In all my days of love and loss, I never once have pined, my love,
As here I pine beneath the night, longing to know your mind, my love.
Of all the ways these feet have trod, in places bleak and bright, my love,
The way I favor most to go is where we walk in kind, my love.
In all the airy lands abroad, I never once have found, my love,
A peace that permeates my soul, as when we rest entwined, my love.
Of all the treasures I have found, of jasper and of jade, my love,
You are by far the fairest gem, by far my greatest find, my love.
In any clime upon the earth, wherever you may go, my love,
If you will have me, I will join, however trails may wind, my love.
Of all the pain this heart has known, the thought of losing you, my love,
Promotes a deeper terror, still, than thoughts of going blind, my love.
Zahhar can only love your heart, that shines like polished gold, my love,
So patience in this love for you can never fall behind, my love.
Author notes
the last ghazal i wrote over a year ago. this is the only poem i've ever written in perfect iambic octameter. in fact, this is the only poem i've written in any kind of octameter. it's full of cliches. i think this is because i spent so much time making it new for the six months or so before writing this that i just backlashed madly into the old familiar comfort of cliche-land. but, bonnie loved the poem. cliches are good for something afterall. 
to learn more about the ghazal: allpoetry.com/Column/784848/all=1
Written May 31st, 2003
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Hi Erin,
There is a reason certain phrases are cliches. They are accurate and to the point and they have developed signifigance over time and repetition.... Cliches like "I love you" mean a great deal more than "I have a disconcerting feeling of extreme sentimentality for you". Using the my love ending addresses the reader directly and disarms them as well as using a very nice textural tone combination... My love sounds good repeated. (done it myself)
Everything up to the last line works a treat. The meter is smooth and consistantly comfortable, most of the consonant beats are muted by sibilants or other soft consonants creating a smooth texture and the tone is a pretty good balance of light and dark. Of course the last line doesn't help the poem any.
You may agree or disagree (and I'm nit picking) but I was taught that the two most important lines in every write are the first and the last. The first line must grab the reader's attention and get them into the poem as well as set the tone. If they turn the page after the first line we wasted our time writing the poem. Your first couplet sets the pace and tells the reader to expect romance to follow. I think my catchiest opening line was "Naked on the beach" sadly I couldn't really build from there and edited it out, but few people stopped reading within the first stanza. (I really should do another poem that starts that way.) Now as to the closing line... this is the line your reader will forever remember, the one that will set the tone of their entire enterpretation of their experience. Example from Whitman:
'Till the gossamer thread you fling, catch somewhere, O my Soul.' (its otherwise a poem about a bug)
Your last line:
"So patience in this love for you can never fall behind, my love."
So your boiling down all of your steamy emotions into patience in love falling behind? There are so many better lines in this poem that would leave the reader more engaged. Even in the line before you're backing off, you can '*only* love her heart' so you're not too fond of the rest of her? Think *Truly* *purely* etc.
(Note for other readers: this critique is part of a conversation Zahhar and I are otherwise having... I am nit picking a nearly flawless poem based on a topic we are discussing elsewhere. It is not a fair and well balanced comment and should not affect your enjoyment of this work, but you already knew that.)
Rainbows,
~RJ~
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Hey, this one is simply awe-inspiring. I loved the way you executed it. Ghazal is my favorite form of poetry, and this one is kinda matcless! I am so glad I came across it. It really made my day!!
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I’m so much glad you like it
Do you agree with me about the idea of love?
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Ahsantom
The equation of love is not applicable to ant fixed rules of the world.It kneel down the logic,breaks the lines and captivates hearts!
Talking about feelings sounds too hard for me but you always can do that.It’s so good.I enjoy it.
Golden days are waiting for you..so forget the coldness of this winter.Snow will melt away soon and green spring will come with the buds of success.
Be vernal...like a vernal leaf.
~Massy~
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Maybe you consider this cliche. To me it is romantic, overwhelmingly graceful and moving. A stunning example of this form and after reading your column (on the form) I have really come to appreciate the skill that must go into this. Above my abilities but I am anxious to give it a try anyway.
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Hmmm. I didn't find it cliched at all, but I'm no real judge of poetry. I thought this was beautiful, and sweet. It has a simple honesty to it that was superb. And it helped to understand the form, after reading the column I was a bit confused, but now I understand. I do not aspire to write in this form, but it is lovely. I can understand your fascination with it.
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it would be a sin not to love this poem. it is so sweet and flows beautifully and the rhythm of it is amazing as well. i love it so much!
~Ash~ -
I agree with Absinthe...a very astute critique. Still, ghazals are hard to write, so I understand that. I like the images of jasper and jade. Zahhar? What does that reference to?
Thanks for sharing,
Farzin -
Okay. This one I don't like very much. Probably because it is a love poem and I can't stand those at the moment. Excellent job at the iambic octameter thingy though. The first couplet made the rest of it fall apart for me as a reader. You seem to contradict yourself. Perhaps on purpose? I don't know, but it set a foul mood to my reading.
"In all my days of love and loss, I never once have pined, my love,
As here I pine beneath the night, longing to know your mind, my love"
Now if you've never once pined, what are you doing pining in the next sentence?
Sorry if my critique is a bit tough or even totally off. You know you have amazing talent so I'll applaud you for that.
Absinthe
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this was such a sweet poem of love I think that you did this so very very well indeed. I enjoy beable to read this poem of your.I hope to be reading more of yout poem. far this one was trully grand thank you so very much for sharing it
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Nicely done... full of emotion... i very much enjoyed reading this piece great job
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In my personal opinion, Ghazal is difficult to write as compare to Villanelle.. Ghazal requires exact syllable counts where villanelle doesn’t.. and if it’s written in “iambic octameter” like this one… it becomes the most difficult form of poetry…even difficult than sonnet… well done…
mina
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It would be impossible not to like this poem! It is a love poem, and cliches are quite alright. Actually I can't follow much that issue about cliches. To my understand they are common things that we hear all the time and everywhere. Isn't the same with love, isn't it everywhere all the time? Why to look for words that 50% from te readers wouldn't understand when all can be so very simple
Enough!
Song, your talent with poetry forms is very large and once moere I enjoyed your work.
Mari
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