Silly girl looks in the mirror
wondering why she's still alone
everyone else happily coupled
where did she go wrong?
Foolish girl tries and tries
to find that Mr. Right
thinking without another half
she is not a whole
Hurt girl finds Mr. Now
and learns of one-night-stands
only to lose another piece
of her already halfened self
Snappy girl gives it up
"such a waste of time"
I'll find better things to do
than try to find Mr. Right or Now
Wise girl worries less
while instead of looking for love
letting it come to her
what surprises this will bring...
Author notes
I DO like this one..but I think maybe it could use some minor adjustments to improve..not sure of what though..help would be nice
Written July 22nd, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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The beauty of this poem lies in its simplicity. The message is loud and clear... wait for the right time, don't rush into things. Most of us know this. The pity is- we do not bother to implement the knowledge.
You did a great job highlighting it.
Best wishes,
Saurabh. -
Hey! I was just going around reading peoples poems and thought i would read yours...this is a very good write at first it reminded me of me but then ive never had a one night stand and never had a boyfriend, im always looking for that Mr. Right but i can never seem to find him...great job...ill have to read osme of your other poems! great job!
Emily -
lol brilliant! It's the same sort of story heard so many times, just told a million times better. I really liked the way the first line of each stanza starts with the __ girl, gave it a very nice effect. I really liked this one, it's such a cute little story . Which of the girls do you think you are at the minute? I think for me i would say the silly girl, sorry off topic. claps A well deserved round of applause i think.
great write ~ anya
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It is always hard to learn lessons the hard way..especially this one because you give so much of yourself to that one person who you think is Mr. Right but soon you find out that he is not that special guy..just a jerk who doesn't call after your one night stand..if this is a personal experience i am truly sorry, but i feel that if you let love find you, you will be much happier with it Good luck! Great Write!
~BrightenedMoon -
Hrm, I think you're right. I really like the first three stanzas, but the last two seem like they could use a little polishing. I think the fourth stanza is just too long for the flow of the poem. If you could shorten it while keeping the same idea, that would work really well.
For the other stanza, I'm really not sure...hrm.
Hope the first bit helps, though.
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Once again i like this poem a lot... thanks for your comment...i checked out your site...very kool... im me sometime... xdrkcrmsnanglx , on aim...
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checkit at my poem called fling... it was a bit more of a long rant... but it was a attmpt to get people thinking as well... it's hard to write from someone else's mindset... kudos you got 'em all fooled
hehe you like the apple pie metaphor?? hehe read anything else i've just for something more light-hearted coz i usually try to write more lightly... i'll stop the promo and read another of yours when i awaken... but now?? gotta sleep
gooday -
to be totally honest this wasn't directly my point of view. just things i notice about things girls go through, while i've been in one or 2 of the situations in my life, i wouldnt quite say this one is pouring from my heart, ya know? maybe i should specify these things in my comments..nah..i like people thinking it poured from my heart. Makes me know i completed my mission, successfully get into the mindset of someone else and write something that is seemingly from them, or in other words, that i experienced it first hand, whew that neded up longer than it should have, sorry, thanks for the comment
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honest view of love
oh yha... on the poem... liked how it had some closure in the end going from silly to wise... wise... we could be like that... and hopeful in the indefinate that he'll find you soon... well written... don't mind my sudden thought... but i love pie heheh easier to descibe then some shakespearean mumbo jumbo fancy stuff... more lovely then a rose called any other name would it smell as sweet... but you got an honest bit going there that it's never easy to find... so keep looking and writing... cheers phil -
mr almost right gonna find yah
love is like biting into a piece of fresh apple pie... first of the season after taking all the cores out for an hour and the aroma of cinamon and spice rolls around on your tongue, closing your eyes like a first kiss to take it all in like love at first bite... mister right sucks... get mister not quite perfect... one night isn't enough to find out all the wonderful and annoying things about a person... but when you do... spend more then one night... you might like the taste smell, sound, feel and sight of them when you wake up in the morning ten years from now... like apple pie, might want a second piece... coz you figure out the recipe you can be whole all by yourself... that's the part you almost have figured out... maybe you have already but that line stuck out at me... thinking you can't live without someone else... i spent the last year figuring that one... and finally learned to enjoy life on my own just chillin with buddies or on my own but not alone... take care and glad you passed by... thanks for the kind words on my poem... goodnight
phil -
i love the "___ Girl" stuff in the poem, its really awesome and adds alot to the poem. You are a great poet..keep writting
Sarah -
awww,I loved this one i mean i have my love shes great.I admit im not Mr Right i dont think any of my kind are..lol i hate being a guy it really sux.So if you find the guy thats right for you keep him..theres some guys that are really bad and theres other guys like me that try to do everything right try to give it their all but always do something wrong
*matt* -
yes yes yes i totally agree.. it's all silly when people obsess over love and blame themselves when really everyone is searching and even the ones in relationships don't have perfect lives...thank you very very much for your comment on my piece, it was actually helpful for once, i changed the word it means a lot to me that you liked it as well
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That is a good way to look at it... i liked the wording and it flows well... good job...: )
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Silly girl looks in the mirror
wondering why she's still alone
everyone else happily coupled
where did she go wrong?
yeah that part is totally me...anyway...though i can't relate to the other stanza, it's an amazing poem.it flows really well, it's beautiful.keep ip up! -
Ahh, yes, I can relate to this. Some shite has happened to me recently and it's all bleh. I liek this piece, though lol, thanks for posting it!
-Cat*~.. -
Karli said it all for me. Glad ya shamlessed this, otherwise I'd have missed this gem
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I like this. This is how I feel. Well for the moment lol. Some crap has happened recently and it's defently made me look at things this way. So I guess some good comes out of it. LOL. Good write, thanks for sharing!
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