they made his mind a molding mess
a slow and solemn nest of thought
a brooding storm of deep distress
confusion ruled his darkened heart
enraged at what his mind became
a slow and solemn nest of thought
as reason weakened and decayed
he bashed his limbs and tore his flesh
enraged at what his mind became
his anguish flared a bitter flame
when it would surge with burning force
he bashed his limbs and tore his flesh
he wished for death with yearning fierce
a wish he never could perform
when it would surge with burning force
he longed to leave his broken form
destroyed by psychiatric drugs
a wish he never could perform
the poisons flowed within his blood
they made his mind a molding mess
destroyed by psychiatric drugs
a brooding storm of deep distress
Author notes
to learn more about the terzanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784852/all=1
Written May 5th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
I found it!
I want to put a poem at the beginning of your bio when i start in college and I have not found the right one yet until i read this one...ha ha...it's perfect..
KAY
-
I'd also like to say that I found the content intrigueing, and the subtle repetition implemented by the terzanelle was very suiting.
-
Excellent job. There is nothing choppy or unfluid about your poem, and the lines fit right into place with one another. I'm happy to know that someone else likes terzanelles too
-
Very nicely done. You state your opinion quite strongly. I can't deny the similarities that you said this poem would skirt about.
~Bezoar -
You are most certainly not wasting your time! This was beautifully crafted. You never fail to enlighten me everytime I click on your poems. Sorry I haven't been to comment. Greeting takes up a lot of time. I will carve out more with writes like these.
~Willow~ -
It must be tough, in this poetic form, to convey any concrete and complex images; with the repetition of lines, you have little room to add phrasing that won't make sense when paired with several different concepts. Anyway, kudos for you for doing a bang-on job of it. I'm a freeverse poet, but not because I think form sucks; rather, because I haven't that level of diligence. Bravo!
Much respect,
Sarah
-
I did a villanelle this morning. I like this. Have you ben in my head when I was asleep? Oh no hang on you couldn't of as I haven't been to sleep yet. Good poem.
-
I don't usually care for deep angst, but this is very well crafted, and deserved to be written out and shared. While I'm fairly certain you'd loathe the song, it reminds me of an old Flipper tune ("I've got to strip this flesh from my bones, I've got to hammer the wall with my hands") I kept on an old depression compilation. I had it between Joy Division's "She's Lost Control" and Sinatra's "If you go away". Shades of the overlapping between the three in this poem, which is meant as high praise, even if poorly phrased. I greatly enjoy Terzanelles when well done, hate them done poorly. I enjoyed this one very much.
Brian -
A very good work done with the repetitions here!
A form of poetry that I enjoy reading and you have it well constructed!
A sad poem that shows a great deal of anguish kept in the mind and heart.
Mari
-
impressive
I really liked the way that throughout the poem it reinforced itself and the theme by repeating one line from the section above it. It is very unique and gives a balence to the entire work. I do think that some of the sections did, in a way, repeat the same imagery in a bit of an unsatisfactory way, but that is just my opinion. Overall, I am very impressed with this! Congratulations on conquering such a deep, thoughtful poem in a unique and interesting way that keeps your audience captivated. I look forward to reading more from you.\
Regards,
Colleen -
I love repeating lines. can't wait til I try one of these. There is a lot of strength behind this poem- it's tone screams in anger AT the reader almost. I think it is great that you brought this social issue into focus for people on here. Yup doctors can screw with your mind if you aren't fuirst in control of yourself, and in deciding your own fate!
-
"A waste of time"...Hogwash..I say! I learn something new with every one of your writes that I read, so never demean your efforts, my friend.
This one has a nicely balanced flow to it in tetrameter. Your use of assonance in key spots makes for a dramatic accent on the already dramatic and tramatic content.
I am not fond of the "yearning fierce" inversion, but see no reasonable way around it. Sometimes the chips must fall where they may in that regard.
One of these days I am going to take a crack at a terzanelle myself and I hope it is half as well done as this.
Cheers,
Del -
thank you destiny for this. comments like this can make me feel like maybe i'm not wasting my time with all this poetry stuff afterall.
-
This is really cool Now I understand why you said that the villanelle I did should have been one of these! I like this a lot. How are things up North? I miss it so.
LOL
~*Destiny*~
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
