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Captain Saint Lucifer

I find myself standing in the middle of his room. How many martinis did I have?
Silence bears down upon me with weight I’ve only felt once before.
He stares with those dark ravenous eyes. I feel like a child beneath his gaze.
“I want you,” he whispers, sounding both sinister and sexual. Truth is…I want him too, but Ben…
“I don’t know your name.” Stupid, you’re stalling.
He presses me to him, kisses me. Dark. Poisonous. Sweet.
“If I tell you, you’re mine.”
I can’t answer, hypnotized.
“Captain Saint Lucifer.”
I must choose. Love or lust?


Author notes

This is not a poem it's just listed as one
Written July 21st, 2004

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • lettersfromthelost
    October 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Mmmmm-mmm, Liv. this sounds like it could become a wonderful story! I can't wait to read what comes next.
    Wait a sec, there is something that comes next, right? RIGHT?*threatens to hit BlackDressGypsy with a heavy iron frying pan if the answer is no*
    I sure as he-heck hope so!
    Keep up the good writing! Or, in the words of one of my characters, "Bring on the next bit and make it snappy!"
    *tounge*
    OK, well, I'm off!
    Chaio
    shadowdragon


  • cutiepie gold member
    August 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This was a great intro to a good book, let me know when you have more please


  • Rodney
    August 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Captain Saint Lucifer? Hhmmmmm.....Rodney St. Lucifer, now that sounds better. LOL.
    A cool, short and dark piece. Awesome.
    Thankx for a wicked visual and sharing.
    Rodney


  • BlackDressGypsy
    August 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    My favorite actor in the world was in a play as a character named Captain Saint Lucifer. He didnt have any lines but he was supposed 2 b a very dark romantic character. The play really didnt make much sense but I liked the name

  • EmeraldCity
    August 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I'm intrigued by this name "Captain Saint Lucifer". It's got a catchy sound, but what exactly does it mean? Very interesting read, really boarderlines a sense of reality and frightening fantasy. I like it.

  • leafy
    August 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Poor Ben


  • Inconspicuous.
    August 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing....i like the part

    He stares with those dark ravenous eyes. I feel like a child beneath his gaze.
    “I want you,” he whispers, sounding both sinister and sexual. Truth is…I want him too, but Ben…
    this is great
    Edited on Aug 06, 4:18 p.m. because ''.


  • queen Moderators member
    July 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I felt kind of hypnotized while reading this. Very cool poem. Queen


  • strawberrynadir
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    yes yes i liked it too, especially the end which was perfect...

    lovely write, not a lot else i can say really but you pulled it off very well... good luck with the contest..
    thank you very much for your comments on my poem, they mean a lot to me.. there wasn't much of a message, just my sadness and the general atmosphere..thanks though

  • The Monster
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Great romance in such few words. I liked it. Good job.

    -Jake


  • Cossack
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i liked this a lot...intimate, a really good beginging for a good story. its sweet, with kinda a twist, who is this ben? a boyfriend? good..loved it lots

1 - 11 of 11