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Subliminal Mind

What's in my eye's,
Behind my voice,
What thoughts I don't reveal.
What makes me ache,
Each time I blink,
It's all a sad surreal.
What makes you blind,
To where I am?
I've stepped inside my mind.
I'm loosing time,
With real world,
I'm subliminal in my mind.

Author notes

K, this is the last poem Im posting today. I hope you like it, it's my latest one. Really would love to know what you think
Written July 20th, 2004

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • WindLeaf
    August 11, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    That was amazing! Your technique and the way you make your thoughts flow are absolutely remarkable! I feel like i'm inside of you.... is that weird? lol


  • Rodney
    May 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Suicidal Tendencies come to mind when I read the title. ANYWAY. Very cool piece. Love the subject matter and the choppy feel I get. I read it three times, just to make sure there wasn't a 'subliminal message' in it.



    Or was there?


    Great piece, thanx for sharing.
    Rodney


  • grannyeri gold member
    May 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Making some of the above suggested changes would make this easier to read and understand. Sentiments well expressed in these lines - getting lost in one's mind is a pretty rough situation, and can cause so many problems.


  • Alpha Omega
    May 12, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    Very interesting write, but a great write all the same. great use of imagery, once again good job, keep up the good work

    John =)


  • rummery78
    June 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, the wonders of the mind indeed. Great flow and vivid images here. However you can read someone's eyes to know what they are thinking. Take practice but it works. Eyes are the mirrors of the soul and our voice is the thoughts of our soul. Good write. Good to hear from you.

  • Betty Rickard
    June 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great write

    Very well written..Great write.


  • donnz
    June 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    " Do you realize ( I said ) that you are talking to your self?
    ( being that he paid me no notice, I realized I was talking to my self. )
    If only I had remained subliminal. lol

  • Third Sight
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    That's really good. I really liked the way it flowed and how it sounded when read out loud. Keep it up! That's awesome work!

  • TheMuffinMan
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I agree with Saff's critique...It was a great write!

  • Saff
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Leah i like this very much. I think you could make it even stronger with a few word changes.
    I'm loosing time,
    Whit real world, (with??)
    I'm subliminal in my mind.

    perhaps...
    Im losing time, in this real world.. Im subliminal in mind ??

    Good stuff!!!
    Saff xxx


  • Dropp Deadd
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    niiiice.i like it a lot!i also like the colors you used.awww keep it up dude!

  • Diane Wehi
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Very intriguing indeed. To me its not a black and white poem. Its a fascinating write because each reader can take away their own thoughts because it leaves no boundaries. Thats what I perceive anyway. Thank you

1 - 12 of 12