I found myself among the northern pine,
A place that calls me from the waking world,
Amid the buildings of a nameless town.
There is some comfort here to which I’m pulled
That oftentimes has brought me to this place,
A place that calls me from the waking world.
And here I pass along the streets in peace,
Surrounded by a subtle solitude
That oftentimes has brought me to this place.
A forest climbs the hills on every side
Arising fold on fold above these homes,
Surrounded by a subtle solitude.
This land is somehow more than what it seems;
I sense it all will vanish like the clouds,
Arising fold on fold above these homes.
And still I roam with glee the narrow roads,
Yet always knowing I can never stay;
I sense it all will vanish like the clouds.
Each time I come, I cannot help my joy,
Feeling at home and full of silent hope,
Yet always knowing I can never stay.
Throughout my life, beyond the veil of sleep,
I found myself among the northern pine,
Feeling at home and full of silent hope
Amid the buildings of a nameless town.
Author notes
to learn more about the terzanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784852/all=1
Written February 10th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Whatever you wish. by Amber13.
300 points, ended September 24, 2004, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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TW: this actually required a couple of revisions before i began to even get close to getting the refraisn to work. haven't had a dream about this place since i wrote the poem, and i tended to have a dream related to this imaginary place at least once in every six months. wonder if the poem somehow put something to rest with regard to this particular way station.
i've been visiting another place, actually, which i suppose could be the next way station along the way. it's a multi-dimensional place that's difficult to get a fix on. could take some time before it begins to solidify enough for me to retain enough to describe it in a poem or conversation. -
This is beautiful. I like the way you incorporated the refrain lines so well in each stanza. You really are great at writing in form.
peace-
Toltec Warrior -
Wow very awesome and lots of good imagery. I enjoyed reading You did a great write. Keep it up! From SlightlyTwisted
Edited on Dec 13, 9:15 p.m. because ''. -
Very Good
Well done. I could imagine the whole poem. I liked the nature of the poem and how it was about nature. -
I think , I thought I understood about the 'prosody' but not enough to write it as you have done here. This has given me further understanding, but I don't think I shall ever be able to create a piece like this. Just couldn't make that leap. Okay that's the style- the content: I felt a little as if I was intruding into something private that you have shared here. Layer upon layer, like many chambers, or one of those Escher stairways that lead everywhere and nowhere in the mind, but satisfyingly so. There are these physical places where one can sit and get lost in the land, so it works on all of the multi layered images. As someone said above, this work is certainly worthy of any place on my bookshelves- I would pay money for a book with this quality of poetry!
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Excellent!
This reminds me of Old Colorado City, or even Breckenridge, and I dream of the northen pines there quite often. Your verses led me into a dreamy rememberance of it, well done. -
excellent
i really, really liked this. i liked the barren landscape through which your charachter moves and finds so much joy. an enjoyable piece. -
i always enjoy seeing what you get from my writing, Nadir. it's nice that you always seem to find your way to my work and that you have the desire to share with me your reactions and feelings in relation.
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Hello Erin,
You can take the boy out of the country but you can never take the country out of one who truly loves the natural world. I get the feeling you are trying to depict the dreamstate of one who makes frequent visits to his beloved countryside even though he is stuck in the cold and faceless crowdedness of the city. Sometimes, even as I sit at my computer typing a poem or short story I find myself in the pine forests of Vermont with the smell of moist earth and pine needles and the sounds of Bluejays crying "thief...thief" and I awaken myself from the dreamstate by answering..."how right those jays are...".
This is what I got from your poem my friend.
Del -
wonderful
This sort of poem, in my eyes, is the type of poem that we all get this immage in our minds of a place that we remember, that we dreampt up, or something, but I think deep down theres some sort of place that creates this fealing that you have expressed in words. Yet, even though its very very vivid, it doesn't name things like 'the red mailbox' or the 'green house on the corner', instead creates feelings, emotions, so that it describes our 'place', even if its not the same place you've created. Love it, wonderfil write -
This style! It really gives me more pleasure than pain, I must admit. I am, as you know (if you remember), an admirer of your writing, but this type of poetry, and other similar forms, are just so disagreeable to me. I apologize for not being able to praise it. Keep it up, you've always been one of my favorites.
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Your retreat space invites me to a wholistic read...Tetrazelles are complicated and you've done working with the format...The traditionalist within you handled the task perfectly...the poem put me in the mindframe of a didatic Thomas Merton...Thank you
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soz I ment to say that I liked the comment you got about the bluejay,i think I have confused u
-Holly -
I loved it erin! loved it! I always have loved your poems, why don't you get a book published? Im sure that anyone would take it and make it big
I loved the imagery like in all of your other poems. Th eblue jay idea was cool stay in touch,comment my poems I promise to comment yours!
Keep up the great writin'!
-Holly -
Wow. This poem strikes a chord with me. It reminds me of my family's old Vacation cabin in a little town called Alsea. I spent many summer innertubing the Alsea river and swinging in hammock. Picking blackberries and naming the blue jay "Rufus"
I know that is not what your poem is about, but it is what it brought to the surface of my mind. A lovely write indeed.
~Bezoar -
if you wish to analyze further, please do. i'll be very interested to see what you uncover through the process.
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I tend to analyze the feelings and emotions as I read a poem, but I don't think you look for it, so I'll just say that this poem is very good and has a touch of melancholy (to my point of view)that is disguised among the beauty that it contains.
Mari
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weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it is poetry. i nearly fell off my log. don't think i have ever tried one of these thingies before. maybe i will have a go in the future.
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there are places we all cherish that we escape to and dwell in solitude and peace for just a while when the world starts to rub raw against our souls, this sounds like one of them...Artis
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Great poem, a villanelle I believe. Quite a form to master as you did. I love the idea of a "nameless town" wonderful really. Thanks for sharing. Happy writing! ^_^
~Chantel -
I really enjoy your word play, and while say, and expressing what you may feel, you do a wonderful job in capturing the reader, and drawing them into the pieces you pen....Congrates on yourb works, I applaud you! Please pen on!
-Timothy/poeticweaver~ -
beautifully worded. It was so descriptive in an unique way that I feel like i am there. What a great job!
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3/5
This is a good poem, an I am proud to be the first to comment on it. It is nice the way that even though you did not rhyme, it kept a sort of rhythm throughout. Good job
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