Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Year I Married HIV

Missing image
by Gregg Rowe

~~~~~

We’re married in nineteen eighty-seven
That is the day I wore your band of gold
I spied cumulus clouds in the heavens
In my life -- this marriage becomes two-fold

I honestly live everyone’s worst fears
My life’s mortality is cut in half
I return home heaving onion tears
Silently pray for a medical gaffe

And like a true Orthodox Catholic
I cannot ask you to grant a divorce
I pray from today on -- I don’t get sick
Twenty years later, I have no remorse

I carry a virus, I have lived my life
Have come to love a disease -- as my wife.


Author notes

4) write about what it woule be like to be overwhelmed with an illness.

The Dripping Blood backdrop is on loan from Tainted Goddess, in return I ask that you check out a few of her poems on My Pain/My Sorrow on her Front Page, utterly amazing writes.  allpoetry.com/poets/Tainted%20Goddess

To some (and in the beginning to myself) this was the worst thing that happened to me -- my diagnosis -- after twenty years of living with this chronic illness, it has become the best thing that happened to me -- it showed me life and true unconditional friendships in the world.  Gregg

Written July 19th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 74 of 74

  • Nikki Rowles
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    4Stars ****

    This is very good, and it makes it almost possible for someone to truly know what you're going through, no one who isn't going through that can tell everything that you're going through but this makes easy to come close


  • BlueIsisQueenRaven
    January 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo and Take a bow!!!

    Wow!! I am truly speechless...This poem made me really stop dead in my tracks..Very moving with a deep tragic meaning..A most magnificent write!!!

    ~Isis


  • Elvenfairy
    December 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    orthodox catholic? I never heard of that before! I am Roman catholic, so I can understand the divorce thing. Didn't you know about the HIV before you married? That is one of the first questions I asked my boyfriend when we started talking about getting married some day.... this was a good poem. I liked the way you were able to describe something sad in a poetic way so well. Thank you for enetring my conetst!


  • Selenas
    May 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing poem!

    Wow...So many good writters..Very well written!


  • lordoftherings gold member
    May 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Almost Alex: Frost alos says in an indiret way, how sometimes we take the road less travelled to avoid the hardships in life and try to take the road most travelled for the easy way out. Some of us, unfortuantely due to circumstances are not given this choice and need to take the road less travelled in order to survive or else we would just decay awayinto nothingness. I was attempting to relay that message across with this poem, the choices we have been outlined on our roads are alos filled with other choices and and are we going to hae the strength enough to choose the roads less travelled, even if it means constant days of medication and pain just to stay here awhile longer to enjoy life. gregg


  • almost alex
    May 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Well, first off, let me say that I really do adore your poetry... its very brave and earnestly expressive...

    that said, Im not really sure quite how well this fits my contest... in the broadest sense it definitely does... but I was looking more for tighter specificity to be honest... anyways, it does offer an inspiring message to make your life what you need to find in it... not to let circumstance dictate your life, but instead to rise above circumstance and turn it to your advantage...


  • February 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    heart breaking

    Hey there, thanks for entering my contest with this amazing poem It really made me think, and honestly I hope things go ok for you! The rhyming and wording was amazing, way beyond me! Well done and goodluck

  • lordoftherings gold member
    September 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    C-RodKester: Thank you for your comment on my Sonnet: it is true, I have used it as a metaphor to accept this illness so that I can continue on with life in a new perspective and outlook on what is more important to me today, rather than live in my past or plan a long-term future. I am content with the milestones I achieve because I have been given the gift of knowledge and acceptance of my mortality. I hope this makes sense. gregg
    Edited on Sep 09, 11:33 p.m. because ''.


  • Poetic LieSins
    September 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...that was a really emotional piece. Everything was down pat from the style, stanzas and rhyme, down to the emotion you portrayed throughout the piece. I only question how you could fall in love with a disease such as HIV? Or maybe you've just come to terms with it? I dont know. Powerful piece, though. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest! Till next time...

  • CleverNameHere
    August 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This poem absolutely amazed me. The courage and yet vulnerability you portray are so heartfelt and sincere. It's ironic how this disease that is horrible seems to have taken a back seat to your own convictions, and your strength in confronting and fighting the disease head on is truly inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing this poem with all of us, and I will surely investigate your ework further. Great job and thank you.


  • Trilliana
    August 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    It's so sad that you have such a horrible disease and have lived such a hard, strenuous life, but it is empowering to hear that you have embraced this disease as being a part of you. Though I know some people would wish that you didn't have this disease, I think it makes you who you really are. You have grown from this and you can say "yes, I have HIV, but I will continue to keep going as long as I can." It's very inspiring. Oh, a message from Oleandar Dragon (she's my best friend) she's in her new house and is trying to get set up as quickly as possible. Keep penning.


  • Baby Dream
    August 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hey hey hey, I enjoyed this poem. It has a deeper meaning than it lets out to be when you read it a second time. Amazing write, This is making my judgement even harder. Thanks for entering and Good Luck.

    ~LISAPISA~

  • Diseased Mind
    July 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow! this poem is great! I love this poem. it's just written so well. this piece flows very niely. And the background is really fascinating. Great write!


  • elisabeth0129
    July 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I'm speechless. Wow...


  • Tigger Lady
    July 29, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    wow..all i can say is wow...


  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 28, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    3. Write about a traumatizing experience in your life. I SHALL READ THE RULES!


  • Novae
    July 28, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Touching and emotional

    I'm glad you overcame your fear of death to accept your love for your wife... HIV/AIDS is a horrible disease, but it doesn't happen to horrible people, just victims of circumstance. ::hugs:: to you, and best wishes to you and your wife!


  • July 28, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    THat was sad....but seriously it's way too easy to get AIDS now. Very very sad though, ONe of my aunts died of AIDS so yeah very sad...she was sharing needles like jsut kept using ht same one over and over and on like 2 or 3 different people... but yea. BY the time she quit was when she found out.

  • Elfgiva
    July 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this struck me hard right in the chest...what more can i say? gripping and it brought tears to my eyes
    ~elf

  • Pari Ali
    July 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I read this before and some of your other writes, just have not commented, sometimes I am at a loss on what to say when faced with another's pain, I dont think you, with your sensitivity and courage would have much use for platitudes. You have faced all your troubles with immense fortitude, and turned personal misfortune into a cause that will help and educate others. I admire that greatly.
    HIV and AIDS have to be faced and understood. It becomes more difficult becomes of the stigma that human minds have attached to them. it is important to spread understanding about them and that is why your poems are so important. They help people to see it from your fist hand experience and evoke a lot of compassion. One of the things that truly worries me about today's world is how detachedly people view suffering and death which have become regular visitors to our drawing rooms via the TV but are totally desentisizing us to such an extent that most folk can actually have dinner uncorncernedly while watching the most horrendous new, people dying are just statistics nothing to do with us. We feel that whether it is war or disease or a natural disaster is too far removed from us and will never affect us in any way. we need to remember constantly how closely tied we are together all part of the human race all denizens of this planet. we as humans have to learn to feel more.


  • eternalpoet
    July 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    3 stars ***

    this is a nice poem my friend... i liked it completely.. i liked it thouroughly... your rhyme too is fantastic.. i like it very much... it is surely and purely a nice nice poem.... take cares and have a nice time.. just keepit up my dear friend... your humble little friend.. ... ... - vic

  • EmptyProdigy gold member
    July 27, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    Wow Gregg, I was just, amazed, and almost cried. You really did an amazing job with this piece. In the end, I thought personally, it osudned kinda like you came to peace it with, came to cope/accept, however you want to say it, and I almost cried tears of joy from that. I envy you for your strength, I know if I had the same marriage, I would be pleading for a divorce. This is really an amazing piece, all I can say. Well, good job, and as always- keep it up


  • Hearta
    July 26, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ohh boy... another amazing write... well said, and well deserved of reading.. now i can't think of the right words.. (don't mind me).. the end, the last line.. made me want to belt out and cry (like the poem i read before this one).. good lordy.. i can see i'll be bauling before the night is done..

    and.. i never knew the true reason you were sick, and were coming back to loads of emails (i knew that you were... and did) but didn't know why... now i do.. *pouts* sorry for your strain.. talk about the powers of love eh? bless you boy!

  • Morgana
    July 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The poem was very sad, but it left the reader with some hope towards the end...I'm sorry you had to go through this...

    The flow and imagery were good; I liked the metaphor. Nice write.

    -morgana

  • gunmetal mirage
    July 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    a very powerful subject, the metaphor was indeed interesting and well placed, word choice is good and the stringing of words was excellent, loved the flow, thanks for sharing, good luck and God Bless.


  • FireGeck0
    July 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    That is truly amazing. Forgive me now if my comment is less than worthwhile... it's too early in the morning for me.
    I loved the metaphor, and the acceptance of a condition that is hard to deal with. The flow was fantastic,as well as he meaning of your poem.
    Best wishes....
    ~*~k~*~


  • misselaineous
    July 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    metaphors metaphors metaphors - this is excellent
    in terms of them..
    the 'in sickness and in health' imagery of marriage vows hung in my mind as i read this Gregg ...
    a wonderful poem -
    take care
    elaine


  • Vampress
    July 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Your words as so beautiful, even when it's about something so very personal to you. I wish you only the best Gregg, you really do deserve happiness.
    Vampress

  • Devilray
    July 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this this was great i loved the way you worded this.anyway great job ill read more of urs

  • Silver Fox
    July 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like how the metaphor is only truly revealed at the end, which makes the reader go back through the poem again to realize the completeness. Nice one!


  • sidewinder silver member
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    as I read this..
    tears run down my face
    because I can see the emotions that touch
    while the tormoil
    rises within in a world
    that only see's black and white
    yet never finds the time
    to see behind the lines
    if only more would open their hearts and see with their hearts
    instead of walking through this world...
    BlIND
    Bill
    Edited on Jul 22, 6:51 p.m. because ''.

  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    my wife in this poem is a symbol of my HIV status, it is a metaphor for what society with its man-made religion limits and punishes based on superiority

    the last line does not say my wife, it states as my wife which is a simile because of the word as...it is a comparison to a marriage where people stay married because they have learned to adapt to each other's positive traits as well as learn to coincide along their partner’s inconsistencies and faults.

    Thanks for the comment and the read, I really appreciate the input. Gregg

    Edited on Jul 22, 2:00 because ''.


  • No1KnOwZ
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I am very very sorry to hear this poem...I know its not the same exactly, but, I know alot of people (sadly enogh) who have HIV's AID's and other STD's...I'm sorry to hear that your wife had it too. It makes me light headed when I hear about these things...It's true, it is everyones worst fear. Remember, God has a purpose for this happening though. We may not want to accept that, and may want to take it out on him and be mad at him forever, but we can't, cuz deep in side, we know, its not his fault...ill be praying
    ~Selena
    a.k.a No1KnOwZ
    and some people call me an angel ;-)


  • MiZzJoNeS69
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Fucking Great

    this poem is pretty cool i like it a lot. hell yeah. i understand the whole story but i havent lived through it. hopefully right? i am only 14


  • July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This piece was beyond beatuiful.. there are no words to describe how sad and wonderful this was...It brought tears to my eyes both sad and happy. happy because you acccepted this life though you may not want it.. you are so brave.. thank you so much for writing this..


  • catz Moderators member
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Well, after reading all of the comments, what more can I say, Gregg??!! I do like this one, and if I could think of anymore words to describe, I would.
    You made it easy for me to see from the beginning, what your message is in this piece and you speak it loud and clear. To come to grips with ones place in life, the purpose, the meaning, or even a small part of those things is a triumph in itself. You've done that and more, with your dedication to helping others.
    Thank you for being who you are, for doing what you do.
    love and
    Dee


  • Diamond
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent Write/Read

    It's amazing that we can all sit down and talk about HIV now more so than we could in the 1980's when we first learned about the disease. I guess we've come very far but yet still have far to go. I first want to say to you Gregg that your poem is awesome, totally amazing, sad but yet the beauty of it stands out. You have revealed so much of yourself to the world which takes amazing courgae. Second, the sonnet is beautiful, I wish I could write a sonnet myself but I have never tried to. It's wonderful how you did it. Lastly I would like to say how much I loved this page, it really fits the poem well. Thank you for sharing with us all and keep on penning for you are a truly amazing poet. Avril
    Edited on Jul 21, 5:51 p.m. because ''.


  • glazecovered
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Not a lot of people would compare their disease, such as HIV, to their wife. However, I suppose after so many years one does begin to learn to live with it. As many tearful stories from the Chicken Soup books suggest, HIV is a real eye-opener. Makes you live your life to the fullest because you never know when something horrible might happen. Of course, it goes for everybody else in the world - no one is safe, but only after they have a near death experience or a disease such as HIV or cancer do people start getting more out of life. First of all, let me say that I read your author page and I think it is wonderful that you write poetry about a matter such as this and I'm sur ethis poetry educates many people ignorant in this subject.
    The sonnet itself is lovely - the rhyming, the meter, it's all there. Wonderful job!
    Off to read Tainted Goddess' stuff
    ~Anastasia


  • Wish-Of-Dreams
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i give u many applauds, i like this pice, it is very good, well done.


  • Syrinx
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Great Write

    Hello Greg I like the Rhyming couplet here. and the Symbolism is really great. It's tearing me apart knowing you can't have divorce from your wife. I am a catholic too, so i understand somewhat. The message of this poem has touched me within. i can feel what you feel inside.


  • GlassSlippers
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Heartbreaking, to think of the disease as your bride. I was very young in the '80s, and still I remember the first I ever heard of the virus. I was in gym class in 5th grade, and it must have made enough of a wave with the parents to have even the children talking.

  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Reenie: 'We're married’ is a contraction of 'we are' which we can say in English but it is more Old English than spoken today, since I am opening the poem up like a story I decided to contract it to make it a one syllable word instead of having two syllables, thus saving on a meter in my line to get the ten syllable line. It is like the narrator is opening up the story with a contraction. Hope that clarifies things up for you, if not then I need more sleep and get off these drugs that I am on...hehehehe
    Edited on Jul 21, 9:24 because ''.

  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Richard:

    Every time I read one of these novel comments from you, my heart just reaches out. Boy do I remember the 1980s and all the ostracization around this incurable but manageable dis-ease and the fights with the governments and the loss of human dignity from being fired from jobs and insurances being cancelled and security lost...I have witnessed more discrimination in the past twenty years than one has in a lifetime, yet I still held up my head and fought alongside of others so that that others could have an more enjoyable life on this earth through their battles. I did not do this for myself, I did it for others who I saw suffering and needed help. Even though I was in the same situation as them, I have been very lucky with my surrogate family I have enveloped myself with and close friends, so I could go out and do this for my fellow man, plus I lost so many close friends back in the 1980s it just angered me to the point of action. There are some of us who were born to be natural born leaders and take up the cause and others, who just need to rest and guard their strength, everyone handles the situation differently.

    And I have mentioned this to you before, you are scaring me with your insights to my work...I didn't think anyone would catch the metaphor of gaffe, I too come from the shorelines of Vancouver and my first girlfriend is a fisherwoman off the coast of Victoria. A double meaning there as with most of my metaphors and imagery and am glad that readers can interrupt them on their own experiences, as well as mine and make the connections. the wife is a metaphor for my life...and the band of gold is the significance of it. Yes, I do wear a wedding band on the wedding finger, because as the poem states...I am married and cannot get a divorce, as long as I live and as long as there remains no cure, this dis-ease is connected to me for the rest of my life and as with my grandparents who are Orthodox Catholics, I have to come to love this illness with all its life's trials and tribulations, in sickness and in health, in richness and in poorness until death do us part (and only then will we both be freed). Gregg : Richard and sending you my compassion and care Thank you for the in-depth comment on a very personal journey of a poem and one of these days I will become a Sonneteer

    Edited on Jul 21, 11:09 because ''.


  • cherche -d -ame
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Gregg , this poem goes beyond what most of us can fathom , even though we try to understand , and yet I find myself unable to imagine your life and the courage it takes to live it every day . English is not my native tongue , I speak it rather well , but there are times I still get abit confused by some of the speling ....so I am just checking....in your forst line you write "we're married in nineteen eighty-seven. Should that not be "we were married" or "we married" I am not sure , but this sounded a little odd to me , but I might be mistaken , in which case please just ignore ,

    Reenie

  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    DrinkmePlease:

    It is unfortunate that the message was misconstrued...I don't hate my wife, probably because I am not married, but even if I was married I would not hate my wife, in matter-of-fact that last line states it...I, like my grand parents from Russia who are Orthodox Catholics and were married when they were very young learned over the years that no matter what hardships they endured, and since divorce was out of the question within their religious spectrums, they learned to come to love one another. It is this comparison lof love that I speak of...that no matter what HIV gives me, like the wedding ceremony and ring: in sickness and in health (the good days and the bad days), in richness and poorness (the cost of my medical treatments), honor and obey (to listen to my body and take it easy on bad days and enjoy my well days) until death do us part (the ultimate where my soul will finally leave this temple as the two seperate upon my death). Onion tears is the amount of time that I have cried as layer after layer of my struggles were peeled back as I continue to live with the virus. Hope this clears it up a bit. Gregg
    Edited on Jul 21, 9:01 because ''.


  • MagicLady silver member
    July 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Gregg,
    After reading all these comments, especially astralshepherd's, I am at a loss of words. I love you, and admire you. Your words are incredible. You have helped me and many others. You are an amazing person. Great poem. Incredible!

  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    EsterG: I must say that I am happy to see that you caught the metaphor with the connection to being HIV , marriage and a wife. If I was straight, this is how I view my carrier of the virus after twenty-years and my faith as being Catholic. I have had a lot of time to contemplate this issue in regards to my past, present and future. The onion tears just came to me as I was writing, not to come up with a cliche and my roommate was making hamburgers and frying up some onions and it just flowed onto the compter and fit perfectly. As difficult as these writes are on my psyche, as I have mentioned before in previous comments on other poems of this nature, I find myslef going into a trance and feeling myself seperate so that the writer in me can do the job and the personal emotions are experienced after the write has been completed. Thank you so much for your comments and your insight into this dep and personal poem. Gregg

  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for commenting on this sonnet, as you can see I am trying to 'break into the market of sonnet writing' I have no idea why, perhaps it is because I am taking Demented Sonneteer's class but more importantly, I started to study and analyze them last semester at University and am now hooked on Spenser, Milton, Wordsworth and yes, even some Shakespeare. The most intriguing style presently for me is the Italian...I am even going to attempt to write a few.

    But this is where I get confused. The syllable count, I have broken them up and all the time I come up with five feet, ten-syllables when I divide the words up according to the dictionary. Perhaps I am faltering in my division of the word and where I divide it in two it should remain one, is that what you are inferring to when you say that some of my lines are not iambic.

    Or perhaps now we should break away from the traditional sonnet writing of the past and invent a new one for the 21st century, I was thinking of A Crown of Sonnets Sequences using all the variations of the sonnets in the world (and believe me, I have discovered that each country/language has a sonnet pertaining to their culture) and we can call it them the Gregorian Crown Sonnet Sequences!

    I guess in a roundabout way I am asking that perhaps we send an IM to one another and analyzing one of my newer sonnets and seeing where I am faltering in my iambic pentameter lines.

    As always, a devoted fan of your critiques. Gregg
    Edited on Jul 20, 8:10 p.m. because ''.


  • hugh wyles silver member
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Gregg,
    This is a straightforward commentary which, though of a very personal nature, you have chosen to share. It is interesting that you have adopted sonnet format yet some of your lines are not iambic, nor is the meter chosen pentameter but quadrameter.
    Perhaps it could be termed a sonnetino?
    Anyway, the message and the marriage analogy is clear and I enjoyed the rhyming (especially Catholick and sick!!)
    Applause and best regards, Hugh.

  • DesJeunesGens
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i don't actually like this. it makes it sound like you hate your wife. to refer to her as the disease, when that is obviously only a facet of her personality... i mean, if i was your wife and i read this i would feel terrible. that you cry onion tears because of (her). not being able to ask for a divorce... the whole thing sounds terrible. maybe i am totally and wholly misunderstanding this, but...

  • HayHay
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    WOW this was a totally awsome write it was sad and touching and so very powerful i really enojoyed this write a whole lot keep it up


  • strawberrynadir
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hmmmm
    i kind of get what you're saying, you feel like you're married to the illness, at first i thought it was about marrying someone you later found out was HIV postive... I don't know how acccurate a description of your life it is but yes.. i was confused by the onion tears bit, does that mean that you have no deeper feelings about having HIV and are crying because that seems the thing to do? The no remorse bit as well, are you trying to imply that people choose to contract HIV and don't regret having it.. ? ack im confused, please set me straight...

    im not much of a fan of rhyming but there you go, each to their own...

    please thank astral shepherd for asking again that i read this and comment, you have a great friend...

  • abizmal
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow, im sorri to hear that, assuming its tru, beautiful backround tho, and i love the picture, in fact i saved it

  • RoughRider
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    My dear friend very intense and powerful, you have a way of looking at life that it amazes me!
    Stay strong.


  • will2006soar
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Really great poem. Bittersweet but wonderful. I really like how you wrote this. Keep up the writing.


  • EstherG
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderfully written, and extremely poignant...I liked the way you wove the disease in to your marriage.It seemed appropriate somehow, seeing there quite a familiar aspects between the two: they both affect your emotional life, you have them both for life, and each one shapes you and your character. There were some beautifully worded lines in this, but one that particularly struck me was the deceptively simple 'onion tears' - the phrasing in that was just beautiful, and it was very clever how you insinuated the pain and the bitterness and the stinging of the tears without ever resorting to actually saying it. This must have been a hard poem to write,but you've done it with aplomb - it's wonderfully restrained and original. I'll be looking out for more of your work in the future.


  • SolaceInSong
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love it. Good job!


  • astralshepherd gold member
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Stpo here and read this

    Gregg, this is an amazingly intense poem for me. And one of your best i think. Many levels play out here. Please forgive the length. But I must let you know of the impact upon me.
    There is so much.
    First is my own relationship to this viewing of your struggle through the death of my brother. He did not have your perspective and lived in denial to his untimely death. You have a view i wish he had taken which was to acknowledge to the world how he contracted it and that he was gay. I have a profound respect for him in that he did admit it to me before he died, i think he could have been a lot more free from feeling he had to hide. But it was the eighties and life was much more inhibited. I have so much awe for your strength dealing with this. I think i told you that before, i guess it doenst hurt to day it again, i admire you.
    There are some other things in your poem that effect me:
    The day you found out “I spied cumulus clouds in the heavens” is especially striking. I don’t know how many times i have heard that similar remark when someone has received life impacting news…They notice the sky. It was blue or It was cloudy or cloudless. It is, i think, an attempt to connect to something, someone, beyond this mortal coil.
    Another item:
    Your phrase “I honestly live….”. You have expressed the value of personal integrity in your work over and over. It bleeds through line and stanza in all i have read of your work.
    The phrase “heaving onion tears” speaks of the intensity of emotion but as onions cause tears with each layer that is peeled, it seems to be saying you have unwrapped and unveiled all that causes pain and sorrow in order to deal with the virus and its impact in your life.
    Another item:
    as an avid saltwater tuna fisherman, i have spent many hours at sea and when a large tuna is needing to be hauled in, the fisherman yells as loud as he can “GAFFE!” First to get the deckhand’s attention and second he does not want to lose the fight to the chance that the tiny thin line connecting him to the fish might break. (The Fisherman’s Gaffe is a large sharp hook at the end of an eight to ten foot pole, an looks for all the world like a scaled down shepherd’s staff )
    And more (almost done)
    I point to a book here in this reference, bear with me a moment…It is called “Savage God. A Study of Suicide”, the 1971 classic by the English poet and writer A. Alvarez (W.W. Norton & Company Inc., New York, 1990; first published by Penguin Books, London, 1971). Alvarez in his book, says that suicide is like divorce and that most people who attempt suicide are trying to get a kind of divorce from life. What Alvaraz says that he realizes after surviving his own suicide attempt is that he could start is life again, the way one might start a new relationship.
    It is as if you are saying a somewhat similar thing. Being Catholic, (orthodox) and saying you cannot get a divorce is saying (to me anyway) “i cannot take my life” and that you “for better or worse, in sickness” , choose life ….and tho you point to the virus and the love of the disease as your wife…I do not see it that way. What impacts me most in your work is what reads in the spaces between the words. It seems to me that it is not the virus you hold and come to love as your wife but life itself Ok, i know that’s not what’s written, but its what i feel when i read this. (Actually memorized now )

    Ok now a note to those who read this after me:
    Metaphors , images, similes all hiding here in this amazing sonnet, (as are in all of this poet’s works) all for the revealing to all who take time to do the work of looking into his work. Be careful tho, you just might see yourself reflected back at you.

    blessings and best wishes,
    ~richard


  • NurseHayley
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    tries again after the cat closed the site with his paw...

    Any way as I had started saying...

    Bitter sweet! I am probably going to make you feel old but I was 4 in 1987 scary stuff that! I think we had a huge hurricane too... but anyways I digress...

    A lovely poem even if the subject saddens me a little... All things considered you've handled this terrible disease so well it astounds me!

    Take care hunny
    Hayles x x x x x

  • darkestlight
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    thats no fair! ur an amazing writer, fate shouldnt do this to u! Im not leting u stay married, im going to find u a divorce cure! Now i have to spent yrs in training and more yrs in research but i will find some thing! its not right!


  • TheEnigmaOfLife
    July 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    WOW, what a sad powerful piece!!!!
    This one really packs a punch, and is so excellently written!
    A most excellent crafted piece!

    ~Nikki~


  • Mozaic
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    all I can say is bravo...such an amazing piece of a topic so hard to decipher for some who doesn't know how to survive each day in a new light as yours...


  • Jacki D
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I don't know what to say Gregg.I thought the poem was bittersweet,and had alot of insight in how you accept what can't be changed.Then it hit me in a soothing way.I can't explain this right now,but I'm awed. Jacki


  • Ayla YellowRose
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Aww I'm so sorry about what happened. I've been reading through your things. I just wanted to tell you how youve inspired me. You are an amazing man with remarkable courage!Dont ever let anyone get you down! Much love, Ayla


  • ms-vengeance silver member
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this piece, i haven't read much on this topic so it was nice to read something not widely covered. great write, keep it up!


  • joshuadobbs
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ooooh, and i was born in 1987. just so you know.

  • joshuadobbs
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    You married HIV? was that a wise choice? is it going to attack me in my sleep?

    Just kidding, a very nice poem, promise.

  • Goss98
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    That's pretty interesting. I read you're from Quebec. I gre up in Quebec City.

  • listen
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful poem.and you are so lucky to make the best of things. ttul

  • lordoftherings gold member
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Tainted...I pinched it from your website, I was reading your cover page and came across that pic while I was in the midst of writing this, do you mind if I hang onto it for awhile and change it if I find a better one off the Internet, I just found it the perfect pic for what i was writing. I will acknowledge your pic in my Author's Comments, I had just forgotten 'who ' I 'borrowed' it from so I am so glad that people come on and remind me that it was from their site, as everyone knows, my pics and borders are up for grabs if they are liked. But I do realize some are special to people so let me know.
    Edited on Jul 19, 8:29 p.m. because ''.


  • barefoot contessa silver member
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This was truly beautiful Gregg, and you know something. That image looked familar. lol

    I am going to bookmark this, and come back later to read this again later when I got sometime to give a longer more indepth critique.


  • July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    im honored to read your work..you are gifted in expressing how you feel


  • blkmagicwoman
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    good

    Odlly comforting, good write


  • artis
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Some wives are worse then disease, denying relief, sucking the lifeblood from a soul, and drive men to early deaths with their poisonous ways, to embrace one's deadly fault and accept it and live with it looming like a shadow over the tombstone hump of one's shoulder is to begin healing on many levels, even after your parting form this plane....best to you....Artis

1 - 74 of 74