troubled and disquieted
the agitated mind writes
love letters
pin-pricked words
bleeding from her fingertips
blood soaked pages
stain the asphalt ground
upon where she kneels
and impassioned songs of evocation
pour from her once sinless lips
her love
foul like vomit
and as dusk
oppression falls upon her
like dark skies weeping over the dying sun
maniacally
she thrusts her head at the concrete
just to see those loveless beads
dripping down the wall again
the intense longing
eclipsing her pain
a raving infatuation
her hands
they bleed with desire
she is but a slave
bound to that seductive blade of perversity
writing her temptation
with sultry drops of lust
she is covetous
dripping with blood
Author notes
um i always have this problem with people thinking i should use punctuation so just... dont go there. please and thank you. tata
Written July 17th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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there is nothing left to say, everybody else who has commented has said it all, so if could think of anything new to say I would,so I am just going to be repetive, (I'm sorry), this is really truly a great write, you don't need a vivid imagination to be able to see this in your minds eye, it's so descriptive and beautifully written. I LOVE IT!!
-kathy- -
Not sure what the question mark in the shape at the beginning means - does it signify something? Great flow to this piece-
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awesomely heartwrenching
i have always beleived that punctuation sometimes limits the readers experience, readers interpret the tempo of a poem differently sometimes and punctuations sometiems force the tempo on a reader
was i redundant there LOL its a wonderfully writted poem and takes you right along with it word after word blessings angelsvoice63
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Awesomeness
At the risk of sounding repetative, oh, the language! So incredibly beautiful. And I really like the sultry tone that this poem took. Overall, its an incredible piece of writing. Awesome job! -
i remember reading this a long time ago, and couldnt remember if i commented...as usual..i love it..
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Whoa. This is just incredible. I haven't seen hardly anything as good as this on this site before...and I'm glad I finally did see something like this because it's just so awesome. Everything is so perfect, I don't know why the heck anyone would even THINK of criticizing you on it. Amazing write!
~Elizabeth -
Oh... woooooow, I sure love it when I come across pure talent .... geez, i'm jealous, your too good (but I am sure you know that!!!
)
I am intrigued by your writes ! -
wow...this is awesom...I would give you an applude but I dontthink you need one to see that this poem is awesom...Im sure every thing that has to be said was said so I'll just say awesom job again
-katie -
What an incredible poem! This is a delightful piece of amazing imagery in word form. This is one great write! Thank you for the pleasure and privilege of reading this. Perfectly worded and flawless.
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fantastic. such beautiful imagery and imagination. you have such a way with words
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I like the imagery in this piece. And it’s written so well I can not only see it in my minds eye, but almost feel it too.
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This is Incredible!
You've totally amazed me with your words... Your descriptions and word usage is wonderful, along with the basic flow of the words.. It just rolls smoothly on off me tounge.. Like the finest silk against baby soft skin.. I very much enjoyed reading this.. I look forward to seeing and reading more of your work in the future
Very very impressive writing skills. Keep up the insanly fabulous writing 
Jasmine [Mystic Tears]
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awesome write
and I cant stand using punctuation.. so you wont be hearing anything from these lips
keep it up
*~*XrAzOrXdOllX*~* -
Wow...this is just simply amaxing! im in total awe right now
i love ot, the word usage is great. i loved every word of it!
great job! keep on the great work!
*[Succubi]* -
wow, not sure where to start with this but here it goes. I loved it, it's amazing and brilliant. You have such and amazing gift and power over words. The flow is great and it's so descriptive. Your talent exceeds many on this site, never quit.
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right then, i would've written even more but i had to go unexpectedly... such passion and vivid imagery... especially like the line "with sultry drops of lust".
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amazing
LOVED it "dusk's oppression" "blood soaked pages" you are very gifted -
fucking awesome
right on about punctuation, i never bother with proper caps either. your poem was EXCELLENT, the feelings dripped from the page... you totally conveyed every aspect of tainted, forbidden, denied love... i love it. -
Excellent
Good write and from the heart that pumps the blood, keep up the writing and the flow, FROM the HEART. Nice flow and images.
Georges -
This was creative but i just loved reading it.You're so creative in this that it just leaves me speechless i'm sorry that it did but that's just how wonderful it is.Great write.
Hugs.
Mandi -
lol punctuation...rather lack thereof. That's ok, it works for your poetry. I loved every word. It was an credible write, relating hopless love, and death. Nice work.
-morgana
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This poem blows me away. It tells so much without saying a lot. It is f**ing awesome!
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wow-
filled to the brim with emotion,
i also like the dark edge it has
the line "like dark skies weeping over the dying sun" was simply amazing
also thanks for commenting on mine -
Wow. This poem totally took my breath away. I love every word of this. Your words you say to describe these feelings are amazingly perfect! Great write....please write more so I can read!
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perfect
screw punctuation...something this outstanding doesnt need such crap..this is just..wow..is kinda hard to explain..i read it over..and then over..and once again over..is filled with emotion..everything fits and flows so perfectly..its almost creepy..perfectly penned..
-spanky- -
i use no punctuation on most occasions also.i'm a terrible speller,here goes.i had to read the poem twice to get it all but i like the way you used the asphalt for the writers medium,a more perminate object then paper.you are very good
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speechless....I have read a few of your poems and all of them leave me in shock.a beautiful write.
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Good!
For me, commas and periods are optional in poetry but, if used, should be used correctly. This was fine as it was. I liked a lot of the imagry you put into this. You start out powerfully! I had a little trouble with the flow of "like vomit"/"as dusk". The two lines were seperate thoughts but tend to run together as written. I think it would work better "as vomit"/"like dusk". Then it would break the flow properly and set up for the "oppression" line, but that may be just me. Another thing I noticed was you bring a wall into it without setting it up. You went from a downward momentum: "asphalt ground", kneeling, pouring, falling, weeping; to the solid vertical surface of a wall. The image I had was of someone kneeling in the street, crying and bleeding with rain falling; then this wall appears. Don't get me wrong, I liked this. Just offering insight into one reader's mind...
Edited on Jul 19, 6:14 p.m. because 'typo'. -
great poem. I liked the pin-pricked words bleeding from her fingertips, and blood soaked pages. It really speaks to me.
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AmaZing!
This is an amazing poem. The structure is executed perfectly and the words, imagery, meaning is just flawless in eliciting the pain and theme. I loved this poem. Keep up the good work, it's worth it to read such a great poem. -
Oh wow – what a poem, what an intellectual exercise to paint this image, what a poet. I love the way your image forms slowly, churns around and remains, as does an obsession. Great write thank you for allowing me to view.
Edited on Jul 18, 5:38 p.m. because ''. -
ooo this is an amazing poem. i can really see this is my head. you did a great job writing this. the wording is perfect. beautiful!
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Yikes...lust and blood...my two favourite things.(lol) whoa this poem kinda made me shake a bit. This really is a great poem, runs shivers up my spine.
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It's your poem, if you don't want to punctuate, then don't. I don't let them bother me when they say that to me. Any way, what a write, there is a power in blood. Over coming the fear of seeing your own blood, is a drug in sorts. You have penned a lot of pain, shown how desperate a person can be. But the same blood they watched drip, is the blood that gives them life, and the life gave them the vision to see their own blood. If you die, you don't see it any more. Death is darkness. nice write.
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who would it be....the one you love?
"her hands
they bleed with desire"
...a lovely line. most likely my favorite.
"troubled and disquieted
the agitated mind writes
love letters"
...that was such a great start to such a beautiful poem. i hope you only get good reviews for this one...because i simply loved it. it doesn't matter that you didn't have punctuation. i never do. and i don't think most people on this site do.
i usually get shit fjor not spelling things correctly...but i'm getting much better. and now that ap has added 'spell check'...i don't have to worry about that at all. tee hee.
well. i shall look forward to reading more of your works in the future. that is...if they are all as good as this one.
keep up the superb work m'dear. ...muchlove... RIKKA.
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