.... for Bonnie ....
Horses race upon the fields; thunder rolls within the earth,
Where laughing neighs are echoed up the canyons to the peaks;
Lightning flashes in her eyes, dark eyes full of silent mirth.
She storms amid the thronging herd; all the valley holds its breath,
Where jays watch from the aspens, ravens from the elder oaks;
Horses race upon the fields; thunder rolls within the earth.
Billowed sepia-colored mane whips across her chestnut cloth
And dances in the ether, blown in long unfurling arcs;
Lightning flashes in her eyes, dark eyes full of silent mirth.
Each passing nimbus rains a mist, morphing like some giant wraith,
And shadows cast below them briefly dim the verdant brooks;
Horses race upon the fields; thunder rolls within the earth.
Feelings flood her human heart; karman wrought a human path;
Where deep within her nature something equine rears and strikes,
Lightning flashes in her eyes, dark eyes full of silent mirth.
A knowing broods within her soul, welling up to issue forth,
And somehow she remembers; visions fill her heart with aches—-
Horses race upon the fields; thunder rolls within the earth;
Lightning flashes in her eyes, dark eyes full of silent mirth.
Author notes
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
Written March 15th, 2004
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1 - 9 of 9
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Love this...
There are two different personal things I can pull out of this...one is I absolutely love horses and would own 3 or 4 of them if I could..two is "Lightning flashes in her eyes, dark eyes full of mirth"...this reminds me of Rachel my sister...we would go horse back riding on trails through the woods and down the road to show off..and I remember her being so much braver on those horses than I was....I would lightly trot with the horse around the corner but she would lean in and gallop and beg dad to jump fences but he would never let her do that...brought back some fond memories..thank you..great write...another thing...this villanelle flows much much better than mine and I am jealous!!!...lol...great write
KAY
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slick and meaningful
This is a slick write. It has a nicely paced read speed. No need to nit pick, overall its a treat to read.
The only risk to such a seemless poem is that the casual reader might think it is about horses, if they don't pay attention. The tempo sweeps the eye right along without pause to reflect. I usually try to slow or alter the read speed, or form permitting, cause an aboration to snag the readers eye to the critical content. Sometimes even a $5.00 or archaic word does the trick. All in all it is a splended write. Subtle and meaningful. -
I don't know... It reads rather rough to me compared with your other pieces. The rhyme feels forced. That may just be my opinion right now; but that's what it is.
~Bezoar -
ugh... vomit. unfortunately, i can see what you mean. i'll change the background.
the villanelle has an ab rhyme scheme. the first and last line of each tercet rhymes, and the second line of each stanza rhymes throughough. what you have taken notice of is my alternative prosody. instead of rhyme for the a and b lines in this piece, i've used consonance, which is concerned only with the closing consonant sound of the primary accent of a syllable, in this case, the closing syllable of each line.
let me know if you have any more questions.
Edited on Jul 18, 1:38 because ''. -
PS I know there is nothing you can do about it, but I hate the green background! Looks like vomit! LOL
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Very beautiful words you have weaved into a wonderful poem! I have a question though, I thought that in the villanelle that each middle line in the stanza must rhyme with the next middle line in the next stanza? Surely these do not rhyme? Or is it just me? Anyway-I am very impressed with your words!
~*Destiny*~ -
aye, it can indeed describe other things. this poem doubles as a reflection on the karmic/samsaric process.
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VERy much a horse person, raised with them all my life, lovely write! Very fascinating, thanx for sharing!! The words you choose are very discriptive.
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not typically a horse person, this poem overcame that for me-- i like the idea of knowing rising up within you, and of instincts surfacing.... this could describe so many other things...
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