I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force,
The weight of woes upon me, in strain beneath the strife,
And pleaded to the stars in timbres hoarse.
It seemed in vain, the winds tore deep and fierce;
Succumbed to frigid sorrow, on bitter steppes and wide,
I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force.
An insignificant voice pealed forth my case
Against the growing silence, into the blurring heights,
And pleaded to the stars in timbres hoarse.
Defeated and alone, I stayed my course
Until the will expired; unable to revive,
I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force.
This long-lived soul fell under glacial curse,
That once had dared entreaty, with no room left for pride,
And pleaded to the stars in timbres hoarse.
There on the frozen wastes I learned of grace,
Where deep and hidden terrors lurk just beneath the ice—-
I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force,
And pleaded to the stars in timbres hoarse.
Author notes
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
Written December 6th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Beautifully written!
i see a little bit of Service in this one....it is like you are giving it all up in this frozen wasteland...to what?...i am going to guess the stars since that is what it was last time i was guessing...you learned of grace?....that is a common christian term but we won't go into that...lol...but i like this one a whole lot..it has a steady flow of emotion that is kind of like john smith and pochahontis.(i guess that ish how you spell it lol)leaves in the wind kind of thing...if you have ever watched the cartoon....and i agree with the comment above...this was written beautifully.....
KAY -
Very Nice
I love the richness of a Villanelle, old language, heartfelt pleas of prayer. Beautifully written. A pleasure to read, think on, and read again. ~Pam
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woah!
"Succumbed to frigid sorrow, on bitter steppes and wide,
I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force." Icy, redemption is particularly hard to find in a “frost” situation. I like it a lot!
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this was a beautiful read the imagary was great and the rhyme and flow solid you did a nice job on this
love and light
blaze -
Awesome .. Good u experiemnt on such forms.. Thanks for featuring.. It was worth reading.. Keep writing more and good luck in all u do.. and nother thing is.. I am amazed at the time u spedn to critique each poem.. That marvels.. really !!
Excellent ! -
'An insignificant voice pealed forth my case
Against the growing silence, into the blurring heights,
And pleaded to the stars in timbres hoarse.'
It is beautiful in its frigidity. I liked the repetition of those two lines which I didn't actually pick up on until half way through, and that made me like it all the more becuase I wasn't like 'sigh, find some new vocab' I was actaully quite moved by the repetitive nature of the lines. There's a wonderful feeling of atmosphere in this piece which most poets never achieve. Atually, fewer than most. For your effort, I commend you. Well done.
Avian -
Erin, i loved the first few lines of the poem. I love that you use alliteration!
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it speaks great volumes of specific needs that only prayer can surrender and give grace to the mercy we beg in forgiveness
upon our knees.
done in dignity and great meter
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This is a really good villanelle. I love the lines "I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force,
And pleaded to the stars in timbres hoarse." -
Good entry.
I will make this simple in that I liked it and hope to read all the entries in this contest. You did yourself proud. I applaud you. -
Soulful
Again, Erin, I am indeed intrigued by this format. The unrelenting repitition compounds the quest, the surrender, the vulnerability of life on this planet.
One feels very far from home, at times, and it is, in cold truth, a lonely thinly-iced place to be. Soemthing in the sharpness drives us to our knees, numb and, sometimes, cold-hearted, hoarse with despair.
I applaud your work. -
A very nice villanelle, and it reminds me of Frost as well. It has a feeling I can identify with, as a runaway, who found life on the streets colder than the arctic wind. Thanks so much for entering.
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Very nice.
I liked the imagery that was put into this one and it seemed to go well with the subject at hand. I thought about this contest but decided against it because what I concieved in my book was based on this chapter. I cannot put that in this contest because of contractual reasons. But this is very good and I will explore how the others did this. -
Runawaytrain: just a note--this poem deals quite directly with the destructive power of ice, from a spiritual-emotional standpoint.
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pleading to the stars...something I myself have done often. As if their astral beauty could blink out the sorrow and pain in my soul.
Thank you for directing me to this piece. I am glad you did
rain -
I like, I like very much. It was a great and pure source of emotion
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entered under choice #4 --
Edited on Sep 19, 3:39 because ''. -
No comment. read rules
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This is fantastic. It's almost like a fable. I'm going out on a limb; but I'm reading the path to salvation here. That one must be broken and burned of pride and self to discover the incredible gift that is called grace.
Anyway. If I'm reading it wrong, it doesn't matter, it made me think and I like that in poetry.
Absinthe
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Dark and angst fill this with a woeful way. The more I read of this form the more I'm intriqued. You may not be teaching in any structed way ie. in front of a class, but everyone who reads your oems are being taught. You teach by showing. I personally thank you.
~Willow~ -
your poems are my first experience with the villanelle form, so i am unable to say whether these are particularly brilliant or whether the format would transform any poem into ones like these. very impressed, must attempt one myself. or two... or three.
love also in this the "unknown force". being unknown by the individual within the poem, it is left to for us to guess. so.. death? a god? very interesting. -
This is a really well-flowed and beautiful piece. I especially thought the ending was quite powerful:
"There on the frozen wastes I learned of grace,
Where deep and hidden terrors lurk just beneath the ice—-
I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force,
And pleaded to the stars in timbres hoarse."
Great write, Kate
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great
Wow, good write and it flowed well also.
I really liked it, keep up the good work.
See ya laterz,
~theshadowpoet~ -
It seemed in vain, the winds tore deep and fierce;
Succumbed to frigid sorrow, on bitter steppes and wide,
I have collapsed in prayer to an unknown force.
friggin' loved that, all i can really say, awesome work...
~KM SIGLIN -
i wouldn't say the villanelle is my favorite form, just a form i'm working with right now, along with the terzanelle. i tend to work with particular forms for long periods, like years. i feel this is a good way to help me refine and develop my art as a poet.
appreciate your kudos.
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Beautifully written poem, I have yet to write a villanelle and see they are your favourite form of poetry to write in. A beautiful poem, so wonderfully penned. Well done
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