Moored by a molding rope to a broken, sunken dock,
The hulking vessel looms alone within the twilight,
Rigid against the chains disappearing in the murk.
Motionless on the wave, immobile to wind or wake,
The broad leviathan sleeps in stolid stern disquiet,
Moored by a molding rope to a broken, sunken dock.
Empty, the long gray halls; dormant, each towering stack;
Barren, the massive holds; she seems a vacant islet,
Rigid against the chains disappearing in the murk.
Weathered and worn with time, cracking paint crazes the deck,
Coating that splits in decay throughout this rusting giant,
Moored by a molding rope to a broken, sunken dock.
She once had parted seas with a freedom none forsook,
And here this titan rots, never again to migrate,
Rigid against the chains disappearing in the murk.
Finally, as light withdraws, the specter fades in the dark,
Bound to a grueling fate, even her dream was finite,
Moored by a molding rope to a broken, sunken dock,
Rigid against the chains disappearing in the murk.
Author notes
featured in:
The Alchemy Post: www.alchemycove.com/ (November 2005)
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
Written November 20th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- True Art by SomnusLupus.
300 points, ended December 3, 2004, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Haunting.
Actually this reminds me of the ghost fleet of the Atlantic the shipyard where the old ships are stowed because they are no longer useful to the shipping industry or the Navy, there is nothing defeatist in this. But this is what it is. -
Geary: aye, the rhyme scheme has actually been replaced by an alternative end-line prosody. i'm using the villanelles and terzanelles to experiement with alternative prosody. it is a long term project. i am currently in the middle of my second year of this project. i plan to be working on this project for another two and a half years, totalling out at four years. so, expect to see a lot of villanelles and terzanelles from me that don't actually follow the expected rhyme schemes, but do use some sort of end-line prosody in place of the expected rhyme schemes.
other than this, i quite appreciate your kudos. thank you. -
DeBracey: I am presently living on the drawing board.
*scratching sounds*
Keep at it and try to enjoy the process as much as possible. What comes of it, if you make a true study of poetry, will eventually be uniquely your own, yet masterfully crafted. -
I love the way you end this poem! Great job!
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I have been trying to study different forms, and obviously to try to write something as accomplished as this takes more than study and more talent than I possess. The atmosphere created, the imagery used, the echoing , empty feel has carried me through the poem so that the technicalities of how it was created have been subsumed in the magnificence of the whole work of art.Taken as both the description of the "hulking vessel" and the metaphor for culture, the poem is Titanic. Thanks for the inspiration, and the lesson.Back to the drawing board for me.
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A very good piece, love the expressions in this piece, the imagery is absolutly wonderful. As far as a villanelle goes though the rhyming scheme isn't there. Anywhere I have ever seen that shows how to write one all says the two last words rhyme of the first and last sentance, as does the middle lines last word, the repeating of the lines are there, but not sure about the rhyme. other than that you have a fantastic piece of writing.
Geary. -
this poem is excellent, and all the things i said about your otehr piece apply here, the rhyme and meter are perfect and the structure completely follows the message, but what really got me on this piece, what really threw me and made me want to just stop and listen to the words as they floated across my tongue in silver darted streaks was your awesome use of assonance throughout the poem to jsut create an amazing end point poem. AMazing
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This reminds me of the Titanic, oddly enough, possibly because it's 4.18 am or something to that effect. I like to breath in the taste of the salty air of the sea myself, so this was a rather refreshing write. The rotting of the timbers though- that reminds me of Life. We start out so new, and innocent to the world, and then slowly we learn cunning, greed, evil- we rot. Meh. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. I must say That I Like this poem though. Good Job.
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I think this piece is a tad defeatist and overlooks the possibility of redemption. How are we to know, for instance, that this titan can't be repaired? Certainly, those things which we understand to be injustices and immorality in our culture could be used in the future as a means of pointing out the effects. For instance, even though slavery was a disgusting moment in history, we can use this as an example to show the overriding value of human dignity in the world. Can that not happen again with our culture? Couldn't we be rescued from the overwhelming damage we have inflicted upon ourselves? I need to see light at the end of the tunnel.
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wow this is awesome - AWESOME - and I have to say, not what i expected from the title - which is what drew me really - but it's just solayered, i love it!!
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oop, never mind. you have looked at it before.
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Thanks for entering my contest!! I liked the imagery in this--it seems to give off an interesting feeling, and the use of vocabulary in this contributed greatly to the overall effect. Good luck
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The only thing about this poem I couldn't understand was its title. But by reading your comments on it; I get it now. I have no criticism for this piece. I love your use of the words, "Leviathan, titan and spectre. Those are awesome words.
You outdid yourself on this one.
~Bezoar -
eight bells
Dear A S,
If this was metaphor I could not see it as I grew up on
the Atlantic Ocean.There are certainly titans and titanesses
moored and in decay, such as the Queen Mary, although they try to keep her up a bit.
It was refreshing to again smell the sea and perhaps hear the wash of a passing tug!
Great post and poem!
John-Las Vegas -
aye! thank you! this was a good one for me to write. it allowed me to get some thoughts off my chest in an almost surreptitious fashion.
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Wow! After reading your critique I came over to sneek a peek at this and it's AWESOME! The imagery is great and it has great movement. I also admire your ability to stick to various difficult styles! Well done!
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This was really good, I liked it a lot
I liked the way that you wrote this with such flair Well done
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Wow! This was amazing... The repitition was DEFINITELY top notch! I use that technique quite a bit. It makes your ideas stick in the readers head. This was indeed a wake up call for whoever reads this. I wish I could say so much with so few words... Anyway, thanks for sharing and thanks for your comment on my poem. It's GREATLY appreciated! Til next time...
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thanky mina nagi.
it is indeed a difficult subject. i'm not at all a political poet (or troubadour as i prefer to be called), but more of a nature/spiritual poet. generally, if i veer from my comfort zone toward politics, i'll end up writing more of a cryptic social commentary. lol -
Villanelle has its limitations when it come to rhyming, but this one is brilliantly done on a difficult subject matter… well done… 10/10…
Thanx for sharing…
mina
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I've been too chicken to title this poem what I really want to call it, "American Culture". Some of the allusions to this specific culture are found in such phrases as "she once had parted seas with a freedom none forsook" and "bound to a gruling fate, even her dream was finite" (the american dream).
Anyway, much thanks for the read and the comment. -
this is very interesting. i like all the images this creates. you are very good...awesome!
~joe~
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