Colors mingle into mist beneath the heavy skies;
Trees appear and disappear in swimming swirls of vapor,
Veiled in part among the white as silhouettes of gray.
Nearby firs rise tall and loom with enigmatic poise;
Bold madrones of vibrant hue succumb to near erasure;
Colors mingle into mist beneath the heavy skies.
Drifting drizzle floats to ground like silken linens, moist,
Folding deep in haze the homes of half a dozen neighbors,
Veiled in part among the white as silhouettes of gray.
Passing low, a raven flies within the shifting void,
Slowly fading from the view where, growing ever fainter,
Colors mingle into mist beneath the heavy skies.
Plumes of steam above the trees and spanning fleece enjoin;
Placid noses graze the grass amid the phasing layers,
Veiled in part among the white as silhouettes of gray.
Clumsy words cannot express such sympathy by voice;
Comfort broods within the soul here in the hands of nature—-
Colors mingle into mist beneath the heavy skies,
Veiled in part among the white as silhouettes of gray.
Author notes
featured in:
The Lyric (Spring 2004 edition)
Illuminations (Spring 2005 edition)
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
Written September 9th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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Mind Expanding
I think that nature would be a good choice for my next villanelle...you have on myspace that you like to watch the clouds...I don't know if that was the inspiration for this or something deeper or both...I like it when it gets all misty or foggy in the morning...I like that moist feeling on my face and the smell of dew in my nostrils....this is what I felt while reading this..great write
(of course)...lol
KAY
I am your biggest fan...if you think there is one that is better than me show me and then I will top them...I want to maintain that title forever..hoo hoo ha!..lol
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it's your option to see that statement as me putting myself "above" poetry. lol lolol
no, i'm just on a different path than mainstream media... er... i mean poetry.
anyway. if you have any thoughts on the poem itself, let me know. i think i'll make one minor edit to that phrase you've singled out.
Edited on Jan 27, 1:39 because ''. -
"i trail-blaze new paths in poetic and prosodic exploration" I'm sorry, but just because you say it doesn't make it true. This is a rather pompous remark, almost putting yourself above poetry. You had my respect, I hope this is not how you actually feel.
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CB: i think the answer to your question here would be "texture". i have a series of articles brewing in my brains on the matter, though i probably won't get started on writing them until november or so.
there are a lot of textures in rhythm and structure that have yet to be explored, yet can't be explored until verbal metrics have first been mastered. most of the classic poets mastered meter, then got board or frustrated because all they felt applied or would be accepted within those meters was rhyme.
i've paid some careful attention to the works of the classics in relation to the turn of events that spun english poetry off into free-verse just-say-what-you-feel-man poetry, and i saw that i myself would eventually suffer the same backlash of energy if i concentrated too heavily on rhyme and traditional forms. for me to grow as a poet, i was going to want to start off traditional, then get curious about other things, yet without quite leaving the traditional frameworks.
rhyme is just one potential. end-line schemes are just one potential. the textures in poetry can far, far, far, far, far exceed these particular potentials. i have an article posted here called "Some Alternatives to Rhyme". it's under my essays on poetry list. i have a feeling you'll enjoy.
forgive me if my response seems a bit random. i haven't slept... sleep doesn't come easily to me... going to take another crack at getting sleep now. -
Interesting
I see what you say about moving beyond the villanelle traditional form. To some extent I agree - poetry needs to grow and develop with the language and the culture - but I still think that it's excellent discipline to be able to write traditional villanelles. Why would you keep the line structure if not the rhyme? What benefits does the line structure bring to the work that you would not have in free verse? I am very curious. -
What a beautiful poem. Such vivid images through out it all. Its so nicely written, with a nice flow. Good structure too. Very well created. Well done.
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NA: yes the japanese and especially the chinese have a very vivid poetic tradition. i've had the pleasure of being walked through the translation of several chinese poems, in fact, around 100 of them from different dynasties. although i don't know chinese, my friend has studied chinese for 50 years and is very fluent. he was able to "show" me the poem in chinese, word for word, and to explain the idioms and historical references to me, the whole nine yards, then we talked about how it could best be translated to english. it was outstanding fun that lasted about a year and a half's worth of wednesday evenings. i think this experience played an important part in helping me grow and helping me "see" my poems (the subject matter and my perspectives on it) more vividly in a way that allows "show" the poem to my reader moreso than i could before.
i like that you have compared this with a vivid japanese poem that you like.
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you're definately right, i did like this.
it reminds me of japenese verse poetry. it's about five lines, and has some of the most profound images that i have ever, ever come across.
an example of what i mean:
Prince Otsu (663-86): Poem sent by Prince Otsu to Lady Ishikawa
Gentle foothills, and
in the dew drops of the mountains,
soaked, I waited for you--
grew wet from standing there
in the dew drops of the mountains.
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Lady Ishikawa (7th C. CE): Poem by Lady Ishikawa in response
Waiting for me,
you grew wet there
in gentle foothills,
in the dew drops of the mountains--
I wish I'd been such drops of dew. -
I can only echo MarizaGG here. The more I learn about the use of language and the arrangement of words, like perhaps a bouquet of flowers- you can get the perfectly acceptable garage bunches, dyed and twisted to appear 'posh' or you can gather an armful of weeds, hybrids, wild flowers, branches etc and arrange them into something too lovely to describe because the end effect is so natural and a better representation of the natural state than any wired tortured form could hope to be.
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what a lovely villanelle this is
I love the repitition; it works well here
very nice poem
thanks for your entry
best wishes
~O -
hey erin, I just love your poem, it's so beautiful! I dont think i'll ever stop reading it, im crazy! -trueblues
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of course not. in fact, i'm quite flattered that you would put my name on your poets hall of fame.
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I liked it! The imageries of natured combined with that kind of mysticism, was the perfect formula to a well succeeded poem!
just love the paint I see on this page
To blkmagicwoman
Never let poetry to become stagnant. Innovations, experiments can't never be enough. We see the same happening with haiku and other kind of poetry forms, and that is what keeps poetry an interesting thing and free of layers of dust.
K&L,
Mari
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blkmagicwoman: you're a tough customer. i recall i was once pretty hung up on technical particulars, probably because doing so gave me an easy way to feel superior in some way at the time. it's always easy to say "it doesn't rhyme!", etc.
but, you're telling me something i already know. i am an explorer of poetry and poetics, not a rigid adherant of any particular school of poetry or poetics. the truth is, english is a great deal more dynamic than people realize, and its prosodic potential has only been scratched lightly across the surface. part of my exploration of poetry and poetics involves an adventurous exploration of this untapped prosodic potential.
for all we hear about americans and other english speaking peoples being creative and interested in new things, i don't think this is necessarily the case. the resistance i encounter from the establishment as i attempt to trail-blaze new paths in poetic and prosodic exploration must certainly be counted as proof against this. we are in fact a very rigid, small-minded culture that shrieks in terror at any hint of change, be that change for better or worse. one thing i have had to do is accept this unwavering narrow-minded rigidity as being part of, indeed much of, my culture and resolve within myself to follow my path in poetry irregardless of the resistance i'll meet along the way.
as for whether or not this is a villanelle, it's probably safe to say it is, albeit a non-traditional villanelle. but, this doesn't matter to me. in the villanelle you are supposed to follow an end-line scheme of some sort after the aba pattern. i can do this strictly with rhyme if i wish, but i have chosen to explore other avenues of end-line prosody, and there are many such avenues.
there are pleanty of people doing what everyone else has always done, i really don't wish to be one more such person. i am doing what i wish to do for my own exploration and development as a poet, a writer of poems. my villanelles are villanelles, but they are an evolution of the villanelle, the result of a very serious, stringent exploration of the villanelle (and terzanelle in this case).
there before the grace of art go i.
Edited on Jan 27, 1:40 because ''. -
I haven't stopped by in awhile and just had to, you're so talented. This was beautiful, though you got to know that
Why do you have to be so perfect ? LOL. just kidding, go on... 
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good
great aliteration, I like the alternating skies and gray, just all over beautiful & muti-layered -
Maybe I'm missing something but how does skies and gray rhyme? it's supoosed to be aba exactly the way you did it, but a and a1 is supposed to rhyme. I mean, Dylan Thomas did it in Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night...no matter how I say in my head skies it doesn't rhyme with gray. Maybe I'm missing something, but it says villanelle and it's not following the rules I read on a different site, sorry.
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Oh master of villanelles.... wont you teach me your secrets? lol. I looked at the instruction for writing these on the site and it's not easy at ALL! lol. Yet you make it look so effortless. I truly enjoyed this and can definitely see that you've mastered this form.
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CELEBRATION
wonderful experiment and celebration of the love of language... which as you despair of your gifts will allow your talent to be harnessed to weightier stuff... I look forward to that... r. -
honestly i like this. i think its a great write. poetry is your own and alot of time others dont veiw it the way you wrote it its misunderstood. but thats the beauty of it isnt it, what you write is yours your thoughts and your ideas if others dont quite take it the way you write it oh well you know what you meant by it thats all that matters. : great write! keep up the good work.
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you have an amazing talent to say things so beautifully:
Clumsy words cannot express such sympathy by voice;
Comfort broods within the soul here in the hands of nature—-
Colors mingle into mist beneath the heavy skies,
Veiled in part among the white as silhouettes of gray.
that was a really great piece and that's my fave part...keep it up...because its awesome -
Hey Erin! I just had to read this again! it's such a great poem, by the way i added you to my "Poets Hall Of Fame", your first on the list, i hope your not mad
IM you in awhile
-H.trueBlues *= -
Love this its very descriptive and well written.
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I see everyone saying it's not real villanelle, well maybe it's not, who cares poetry is what you make it.
Great job and keep writing. -
"Drifting drizzle floats to ground like silken linens"
I love this imagery-I feel like I can really see this and sense the presence. You write very well and this is very soothing to read. -
I have no idea about this villanelle, all I know is your piece was written beautifully, I loved the thoughts and the words you used. But I guess I have to search for this type, you've got me interested.
This is great! -
You have such lovely description here.
Placid noses graze the grass amid the phasing layers,... You described this so well. I have a poem where I tried to describe this too:
Morning's mist has a layering effect;
as if the knolls and trees are
behind panes of frosted glass,
each sheet makes the distance
more ambiguous and mystifying...
You described it so much more succinctly and vividly. Good job.
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hmm. You're working beyond the usual box. I wonder how many people would think of "skies", for example, as containing a diphthong. In singing, we pay close attention to such things as when to turn the vowel. I love how you think about sound; it opens my mind to new possibilities.
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i did something kind of wierd with the a "rhyme" scheme. i used assonance, sort of, but more of a pattern of what seemed like related assonance, if you study it carefully you'll see there's a pattern of these three diphthongs:
eye
ay
oy
so, there is an "ee" sound at the end of each diphthong used here, so the assonance is a partial assonance, or shall we say "slant-assonance" (yes, i'm making fun of the way people say "slant-rhyme", since there are actual terms for such things other than "slant", but there isn't a term for partial assonance that i know of as used in this poem). -
I completely disagree with S6, L1. The grace and "sympathy" of your words negate what you say.
that's exactly the idea.
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Okay, consonance, assonance, alliteration. Now I see it.
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I know who to turn to when I seek the meditative repetitions of the villanelle; you are so good at this. The rhythm is perfect, with just enough variation in accent to keep it from being sing-songy. I still haven't figured out the lack of traditional rhyme, so I'll read the column you suggest. It seems to me a liberating thing, not to have to adhere to a rhyme scheme.
The one place in this poem that seems unnatural to me is in S3, L1: "falls to ground". You might consider a change to something like "falls to earth", because we would say it that way; I know you can't add "the" without upsetting the meter.
I completely disagree with S6, L1. The grace and "sympathy" of your words negate what you say.
Outstanding villanelle. Wow.
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close
You do of course realize that your villanelle isn't a villanelle, right?
It's close, but your couplet doesn't rhyme, unfortunately. the rest however is great. but 'gray' doesn't rhyme with 'skies'. -
i love the villanelle,
one of the rare forms
that i understand.
it is so nice of you
to provide a link as well
for others. This is beautiful,
the language, and the flow,
as well as the diction.
Take care~ Olivia -
Beautiful imagry. Great job. I enjoyed the beauty of the words that you used to describe such a beautiful scene. Great job.
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wow, it was..so..so..your the best poet I've ever seen! I just was so swept up in the poem I read it another time. I loved the two lines
Clumsey words cannot express such sympathy by word;
comfort broods within the soul here in hands of nature!
its so beautiful that men on this site can express poetry!
-H.TrueBlues -
Gorgeous imagery and such a soft soothing, smooth flow or words. This is very well written. I truly admire the villanelle style. Thanks for adding that link. I think I'll check it out. Nice job!
~Lyrical
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Stunning
Absolutely beautiful use of words. I love the imagery. I'm a cloud person to be sure.
Absinthe
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One of the best villanelles I've read; they're such a difficult form to execute. Your imagery was very good, although perhaps overly laden with adjectives in places. Perhaps it would be better to loosen up certain parts in order for the reader to digest the former passage? Still a very good piece of work; your rhyme was very natural. Best wishes in all that you do!
your cerulean dreamer,
michele
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