There's nothing I love better
Than sitting on your bicycle handlebars
As we bike home after a long day at the library
And feeling the cool lake breeze on my face
and in my hair
I imagine it mingling with yours
As I listen to your stories
Whispered sweetly in my ear
Author notes
Written July 15th, 2004
A contest entry
- A Great Feeling by Violet Paper.
300 points, ended July 30, 2004, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Aww this is so very sweet. It makes me think of young innocent romance. You did a wonderful job on this!
~Destiny~` -
Awwww, what a sweet poem!!! This one, too, is very homey. It's so simple and yet so full of emotion. I love it. Keep up the incredibly outstanding work, and never stop writing.
~Andy -
this is very cool. it paints such a sweet and happy time of a young couple. awww. good job!
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So pretty, I like the imagery.
Jamie -
This paints a very vivid picture of an instant in time, and also, somehow, is filled with *life* -- real life, the simple pleasures that make life wonderful.
I love the delicate suggestion in the idea of hair entwining.
You've started two consecutive lines with the word 'and', here, you might want to revise that. Also, 'it' (in line 6) is a bit ambiguous: it could be referring either to the wind or to the hair. I assume the hair, but you may want to carify that a little.
Apart from that it's a very pleasant, delicate piece of work, and a real pleasure to read. -
This poem just gave me goosebumps. It's a lovely write. Excellent imagery.
~Bezoar -
Elsie,
Lovely, just lovely. A childlike innocence. As I played with this in my mind I tried taking out the word bicycle (just felt too many syllables there for the free ride in the breeze) and replacing bike with pedal (looking for more action I think) BUT then I realized, as only an old fart can, my version brought images of huffing and puffing up the hill. And one can't really whisper sweet nothings like that, can they. (Well, they probably can but it isn't the image of innocence, now is it?) Chuckling to myself, I reread your version again - to realize again how just delightful it is.
Jane -
Riding on bicycle handlebars isn't safe, though! You two should be careful! Especially with motor vehicle traffic around. Most drivers don't watch for bicyclists anymore. Anyways, a short poem, but full of pleasant emotions. Love resides in the simple pleasures and memories shared between people. Nice job.
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I used to love bike riding...man it's been so long that if I tried to ride a bike now, I'd probably fall off in the first ten seconds!
lol. This piece is very visible, and I like how you used something tangible (a bike) to personify something intangible (love). I haven't been able to pull that off yet! 
This is a very sweet little poem... which gave me a smile. Thank you for sharing this piece with us.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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Whispered Cycles LOL Just a thought.
This poem made it so easy for me to see you on the handlebars of this bike. I could see the hair whisped by the wind as well. Great visual poetry here. I smiled through the read!
Much Love,
Renee
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yes pretty... lovely image and all intimate etc... I'm trying to think of a title for you but can't, um.... how about evening? or something to do with the setting... anyways
thank you for your comments on my poem
they mean a lot to me...
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A romantic poem, which is really well written. 'Pure love' would be a cool title- or something along those lines. I liked this poem a lot
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Mmmmn, this is sweet. Nice feeling to it.
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Ah.. nothing better than true love. This poem is short and sweet. Very well written. Thanks for your comment on 'It's a Joke'. I do appreciate it.
Regards,
Leo Long -
Awww. This is so sweet! It really paints a nice picture too. Beautiful, simply beautiful. Great job with this!
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