The root of all evil is ignorance
As the devilish dervish whirred into a trance
A gyration here and there and this cosmic dance
Tripped into an enclave man named romance
The circles elongated into a square
There were not any gyrations left there
As it changed again into the shape of a pear
Infinity replicated and we all stood and stared
If anyone believed what happened, in that moment of truth
The dancer swirled into a burning bush
Which spat out tablets of broken stone
Petrified alone in front of the magical appeared throne
As the figure that sat with a beard, appeared motionless
Unlike the circles which had called for his caress
As the angels with flaming swords barred the access
No one could get close for his kiss or touch or bless
The white unicorn appeared out of the fiery sky
No one could see that it had a patch over it's eye
Or the fact that it had acrylic hair
The gathering continued, continued to stare and stare
Then the angels started to melt in front of the fire
The throng gathered were consumed by a great desire
As David himself came and played his secret lyre
Watch the humans pull themselves out of the sticky mire
For my feet left the Earth at an incredible rate
Past the sands of time and the question of fate
Past light which was slow and could not illuminate the darkness ahead
Past Doppler shifts towards the red
And i wakened with a horrible crunching bump
I wish I had never made that suicidal jump.
Author notes
The crazy imaginations of a suicide jumper in space. Written July 15th, 2004.
In a list
A contest entry
- inspiration often enters through the window of irrelevance... by Skye Ze.
400 points, ended July 8, 2006, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Im leaving and giving away all of my points by eternally-broken.
572 points, ended January 23, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems Worth Reading #2!! Let me feel your emotions! by Kali-Mus.
700 points, ended February 10, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Luchas con Vida by FlipperSwitch.
600 points, ended February 18, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Everythin angst by BarbedWireButterfly.
600 points, ended March 28, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SuIcIdE & rApE by XCrUeL iNtEnTiOnSX.
800 points, ended April 13, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Para-normal, crypto zoology, aliens, anything far out....okay adding MAGICAL MYSTICAL THINGS...Just don't give me ORDINARY! by islekine.
600 points, ended September 9, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagery is where it's at... by Sincerely.
525 points, ended September 7, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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good write
Thanks for entering my contest, good luck -
very interesting. the language you use is excellent, I had to look up one of the words actually. thnx for entering and good luck
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I like the originality in this defenitely...and great use of vocabulary!! I also love the imagination that was put into this, however, I think that with a couple more spaces in between the lines might help smoothe out the reading. Thank you for entering and good luck!
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This was a very well written piece. Suicide is written about far too frequently, and is often heavily cliched. It is hard to find origional thoughts and ideas about the topic, but you truely did a wonderful job. Even the rhyming was done well, not too forced. I loved this little section, it was very well writted,
'A gyration here and there, and this cosmic dance
Tripped into an enclave named romance
And the circles elongated into a square
There were not any gyrations left there
And changed again, into the shape of a pear'
Thanks for entering and best of luck in our contest.
-Skye -
wow u have a great imagination. there was lots of emotion in this poem and i love the last 2 lines. good luck and keep writin
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(do not remove while in contest)**^*
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Most unusual and creative.
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this is brilliant i loved the line..
"I wish I had never made that suicidal jump"
wow thats so kwl !
well done and good luck!
xsophiex
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Great poem. Though many lines seemed too concentrated on rhyming, I enjoyed reading it. "Past the sands of time and the question of fate", I love that line. Thanks for entering.
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wow this was awsome..i loved the deep emotion in this great job
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Wow, this is good. I enjoyed reading it. The rhyme is very well written. Great write and good luck!
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"And i wakened with a horrible crunching bump
I wish I had never made that suicidal jump."
Do you think a lot of suicidal people feel that way, when they feel so very close to death? I commented on your other poem, but I liked this as well. Great write, and good luck!
best wishes
~!~JAG~!~
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(*)2
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Absolutely amazing. Your skill for rhyme and meaning has astounded me. Luck.
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really good thats 4entering and good luck -candice
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truely amazing you should read my suicide poems i think you would like them actually my rap no. 1 is about my friend that tried to commit suicide but thankfully she is still here with me -lacer
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Wonderful, Georges, absolutely WONDERFUL!!! I love this...I've never read anything quite like it at all, which is what makes so entirely captivating! every line drips with imagery...i love how you weaved in the story of the Ten Commandments! I love also how you spoke of the truth about love...to jump into it seems completely foolish and suicidal, a confusing jumble of tangled emotions and feelings. HOLY MONKEYS, THIS IS GOOD!!! I can't even think of any way to describe my astonishment! If I could, though, it would certainly be the long way! You must promise me to keep up the EXCELLENT, MARVELOUS, STUPENDOUS writing, and good luck in all you do!
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Hey wow! Im breathless! Utterly amased! Thsi captivated my very heart beat! Your talent is untouchable with any real word! I dont know just what to say! WOW!
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Thank you for allowing me to enter, glad you like the poem, remember it when you are marking.
Georges -
wow this poem was incredible.never have i seen such a great suicidal poem...it was amazing.its amazing how you described everything and made everything rhyme just right...thanks for entering!
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Thanks, lil goth girl for your generous comments and feedback on my entry for your competition.
Georges -
cant give verdict yet, need coffee!
you had me hooked on the first line
And the root of all evil is ignorance
I lost you for a little while but then I found out what you were talking about. This is interesting and I am definitly going to have to read it a couple more times before I can actually judge it. Thanks for entering and giving me such an interesting piece of writing to have a cup of coffee over and think about. Good luck ^^ -
Thanks for your applause on my poem, it was appreciated.
Georges -
Thanks for your applause on my poem.
Georges -
You kept me very entertained with this. I found myself reading faster and faster. I like how you used the rhymes in this. Very cool. Huntress
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This definitely held me in suspense as I had no idea where it was going to and I must say it was a weird enjoyable read for me . Next time strap on a parachute
I see it listed under the category spiritual which really confused me abit at first , but after concluding it all I could see a little touch of that in it too , actually I think it fits into alot of categories
Reenie
Reenie
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Vivid
.... this is a bit confusing. The whole entire poem was just awesomely amazing and it was so vivid but then the end, made a little less sense to me because it doesnt seem to have much to do with the rest of the poem. Anyway I LOVED THE REST!!! -
eccentric
you are so *weird*... i love how everything just seems all spastic and fast until the end when you remember what this poem was sposed to be about... i like that first line by the way, and denial is the worship of ignorance. -
I liked this poem a lot, unique and well written. Keep up the good work, I think you have pure talent...dont give that up! Keep writing! Sincerely, A fellow Poet, LaLa
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This is very well written wow heh not sure I get it though oh well great write and god bless
Mary -
This is a very well written poem. The pictures it conjured were very entertaining. I especially liked the way it ended.
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Unique and well written
Whoa Georges, this poem is full of imagery, and the ending was unexpectant. It was like I was reading a dark Dr. Seuss poem. -
8/10
I'm not sure I get it, but its pretty good. -
wow this is really good brilliant.....full of emotion and really a subject close to your heart...you have mananged torelate it to so many people but at the same time... related it ot ypu....this is amazing well done just keep writing.....
† ~*~ANNA~*~ †
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this was amazing!! i really liked it!! keep it up!
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Ugh! "horrible crunching bump" ?? I loved it and hated it. I could hear bones breaking and the thud of a body. Ugh, Ugh! Well, it was a crazy poem but pretty cool to think about. Well done, you sick freak. Lol
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amazing i loved it keep it up and thanks for sharing it was great a lot of imagery. EaRiNe!!!!
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Excellent
very vivid imagination! I truly enjoyed this write, thanks for sharing and keep them coming! -
i really liked this..i loved the vivid imagery you created..it's kindof chaotic and all over the place but thats what i love about it..i would describe it as harmonious chaos..if that makes any sense..
"Then the angels started to melt in front of the fire
The throng gathered were consumed by a great desire"
i really like this part..i really liked the whole thing but i dont think you want me to copy and paste your entire poem in my comment so i'll just leave you with a "great job" for the whole thing.
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This is pretty amazing. Just lets everyone know that when you make a choice, no matter what it is you can never turn back. You have to think about the consequences before you act, even if you're in a tremendous amount of pain, hard to stop and think, but thinking is what generally gets people into trouble. It's a very thoughtful poem.
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very good
Wow. this is a lovely poem. I have lost alot of friends to suicide so I see what is happening here. even had one friend call me while he pulled the trigger. *shutters* but your writeing is very lovely. do keep it up.
~Cheryl -
Pretty good
I hope the story wasn't s'posed to make sense... your comments make me think not, which is comforting. The rhymes and beat fell toward the end. However, considering that I clicked this expecting to see someone else's pathetically angsty poem about cutting themselves, I was surprised at what I got. It kept me rather interested all the way through- the only part I didn't like was the ending. I've seen too many poems about suicide or just mistaken actions in general end "I wish I hadn't". You could either phrase that differently, or you could have a different ending. Or you could forget me and do what you want. But whatever... as my disclaimer goes, don't rail at me for what I say, because just as it was my choice to click, it's your choice to read what I said. "What's done is done, you're on your own." -The NightWatchman -
Very Well Written
This is really kewl...Good job!
-Kiley
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