Thought we were friends.
Like David and Jonathan you said.
I agreed. From the depth of my soul I agreed.
Then I remembered, and couldn't forget.
I still love you.
Could I ever forgive?
I want to. I want to forgive.
I love you. You are my friend.
But is it possible to forgive you?
Did you forget what Jesus said?
I can't forget.
My soul cannot agree.
I begged you to let me in. You didn't agree.
I stood cold and naked outside your door. Forgive?
Did you think Jesus was speaking in metaphor? Forget?
I was your best friend.
A stranger will let you in, not friend. I forgot what Jesus said.
Frantic, I ran to another door. A stranger let me in; not you.
A stranger clothed me; saved my life. Not you.
All our heartfelt talks. It was wonderful. You agreed.
Like David and Jonathan you said.
But I can't forgive.
I want to be friends.
But how can I forget?
Author notes
This is for the dare 'what would it take to end a friendship'.
This actually happened to me.
This is what they call 'confessional poetry' where you use the simplest language possible. This poem is to be taken totally literally- everything happened exactly as it states- no allusions(though it is handy that the Bible alluded to my friendship and moments). I was in a very horrible crises situation with an unknown attacker broke into our house. I was able to escape but my husband's very life was being threatened while my friend(we really were as close as David and Jonathan- that's how SHEsaw it!)- was trying to figure out if she was going to let me in her house or not(just because she saw through the peephole that I was naked). As it states i ended up at a strangers door who instantly let me in, clothed me, and called the police.
May 22, 2007 But this poem is about more than just this incident. This incident symbolizes dramatically the way I was generally treated by most people (Christians, and those in authority), all because I didn't, couldn't conform to the middle class ideal, and instead of caring why they judged me before they even opened the door (got to know me).
Written July 15th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- backstabbing friends by ninja girl 418.
530 points, ended May 22, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
-
At first look...
...I was rolling my eyes at the bible references, but only because it's such a mainstay. Then, your talent kept me reading, for this is no mere drivel. When I saw your author's comments, I understood.
I'm glad that you smelled the coffee regarding your friendship, and hope that you and yours have recovered from the breakin. I recommend "roll-a-shields" for your house, and a security door.
The coffee beans are an awesome touch to your poem. Let all false friends fall away! Great write!!
-
im not much for jesus on this so ya none the less you did a pritty good job and best of luck in my contest ^_^
-
-
I am sorry you do not like the Biblical references in my poem, but I couldn't have written the poem without them - yet to believe me you would have had to understand the soul connection I had with my friend- closer than two people could ever be.
-
-
.....i said not religion, it doesnt sit with me
your DQed too. -
i liked this alot. it makes so much sense to. very good write.
-
Really sad that a friend would treat you this way. I am sorry. Great write.
-
This was a well-written piece. I liked the simplistic nature of this. There were no hidden meanings that I feel often weighs down a poet’s work. Nicely done.
~ John
-
thanks for the submission. What a great contrast. good luck in the contest.
Tecohe -
Wow, very powerful poem. And sometimes our so called Christian brothers and sisters are less Christian than non- Christians.. It is a good thing we don't look to one another for Christ's example. I have a poem dealing with the end of my closest friendship with another Christian of the "better-than-thou" breed. My poem is not a very Christian poem. It is very angry, but truthful and confessional. I have many times forgiven and many times picked up the hatchet. It is hard to be a Christian... to forgive. Sadly, she did not want reconciliation, b/c I was so upset with her at the time I did not have any words to say, and b/c I spoke to our pastor about my feelings. No one else but my husband and my pastor knew of the dilemma. She would not forgive me for my reaction to her inaction. The poem is "What I really want to say" I do warn you it is very hostile. But so therapuetic, that when I read it I laugh. Maybe I am just sinful that way. ~ Ag
-
Wow, I'm sorry for what happened to you... That's a beutiful poem though, very nice flow and it really conveys a lot of emotion... nice work
-
What a terrible thing to happen to you. And what a schmuck he is. This is a good write, very emotional and sad. Hugs, Patricic
-
Upon reading this your "friend" repulses me..Although on the forgiveness part..in teh bible it states we should forgive them seven times seventy seven times. Though she really turned her back on you in that moment, try to see where she was coming from. IF you awoke in the middle of the night to a naked woman at your door. How would you react? However, if you plainly explained the situation then she was really really wrong to treat you like this. God bless you..
-
Very deep personal read. You did well on sharing your experience, creeps me out a bit because that is my biggest fear now that I am in my own home. Simple, but it sure made me think
I liked
-
i thought after reading--that's crazy, is it for real? sometimes life's stories are stranger than fiction..a friend unwilling to let you in just because you were unclothed..lol, and being taken in by strangers....the only lesson to be learned i guess is that you learn who your real friends are in times of crisis...
-
Broken friendships are not something easily dealt with. Although you seem like you handled it quite well in your writing. Well done, I must say this is a work of genius. Later! -Justin-
-
powerful test of any friendship D but i think u already have your answer
-
This was very sad and full of powerful emotion. I am sad to hear you had to go through something like that. The poem was awesome, nice work.
-Ashley,
-
I would not be able to forgive her at all. I got a bit angry while reading this and then I read your comment and got pissed!
You held true to the style of the poem which considering the content deserves much more than the applause we can give so the best I can manage is to feature it for you.
If you came to forgive her the I must say you are a much better woman than I. They'd still be searching for her pieces if it were me. -
THIS IS SO GOOD I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY
-
if you actually forgave, then the remembering would not be so bad, i don't know why i typed that, it is not meant anyway bad, now that read it, it sounds bad, not meant bad,
Thank you for the read, i felt the emotion of the piece -
This is awesome work Duana! I love how you created this and what direction you took. This was a truly pleasurable piece to read, and one that provoked much thought as well as showing wisdom and truth! BRAVO DUANA, and best of luck in the contest!
~Nikki~ -
Your comment on muted honored me ...my deepest thank you.
-
well uhhh..... this is a great write and i cont say ive evr been in this situation before but what your friends did was assnine if you know what i mean id have let you in !!! lol but anyways
thanks for enetering
kj -
Wow. What an amazing story and such a keen parallel to the biblical figures of which you speak. Forgiveness is hard; but you'll find as soon as you do it, a weight you didn't realize you were carrying will be lifted.. Lifted off of your very soul. I think it's wonderful that you are going to work on and perfect this poem. It has amazing potential.
~Bezoar -
another great one
-
Hey, good job, most friends that say things dont usually go through with them, its oks for me i get used to it, im sorry this happend to you, true friends are hard to come across, and thank you for comment on my page, yes i do love to shop for ugly clothes, so when my mum goes shoppin i jsut tell her whatever you think is ugly get it for me. Well i hope you have a wonderful day ma'am. Take care, and God bless.
XOXO,
Jen -
Good
Wow, very poweful and intense emotions here. I can relate a lot with this. Wonderful job. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thanks for sharing! Keep up the great work. Take care!!!
---BOE--- -
WONDERFULL PIECE BU YOU . KEEP ON !
Powerfull emotions flowing in this piece, and as you read it it makes the mind involved so for that to happen you truly chose great works and lines gathered . I enjoyed it , a lot , it has like someone said here a nice attitude towards some situations , just the right tone for the reader to understand and fallow up with the descriptions given , take care , great work you got my applause aswell, MARY
-
Excellent, Duana! This is what I meant about your natural talent. It is expressed so well, but I was more amazed to discover from your notes that this was a real, literal event!
I'd like to address the spiritual/philosophical subject of your poem, as this is not an uncommon dilemma. You did not indicate if your friend understands that what she did was not only unconscionable, but cost your husband precious seconds in getting help. Her 'repentance' is crucial. It must be remembered that 'repent' does not mean feeling sorry or regretful. It really means to change one's ways, habits, attitudes, behaviour and thinking; to literally 'turn around', 180 degrees.
Unfortunately, many 'Christians' have a rather confused view of 'forgiveness', believing one is supposed to ignore all offences with some warm & fuzzy 'God-loves-you' platitudes. However, if one reads the Bible carefully one finds that Christ taught a subtle conditionality to certain kinds of forgiveness. e.g. Luke 17:3-4
"Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you saying, 'I repent', you shall forgive him."
Luke is known as the 'feeling gospel', and presents examples of compassion in realistic, practical situations...without enabling or overlooking correctable offences ("sins", wrong doing).
The key of course is self-knowledge (and the self-forgiveness that follows). As in the opening line of the Luke quote, "Take heed to yourselves". C.G Jung also said, "Understanding is never the handmaid of faith - on the contrary, faith completes understanding."
I hope this is helpful in resolving those feelings, your friend's attitude is the key.
~ Gennelle
-
Excellent Write
Duana I think you should leave it as is. Every word you write comes from The "YOU" inside. To revise it would change how you felt about what happened and conform to how others veiw your words. Take what others think and say and learn from their words and apply them to your future writings. But always remember it is your thoughts and breath that create the words.......ok I'll get off the soap-box.........Red -
Thank you!
-
this is a great write to! i like your style.
-
this is certainly written from your heart and you ponder well over the meaning of true friendship..
i think the rawness adds to its power and to revise it may detract from that - but it is your poem hunny to do with what you will... it is great as it is however - as for poetic form - you know mw - free verse all the way - tho am trying new stuff on odd occasions
take care
elaine
Edited on Jul 15, 5:14 p.m. because 'tyoing with one hand cos glue on the other !'. -
wow this is an incredible write in the fact that not only does it reflect what happened in your life but it draws on the Biblical stuff too. You have a real talent and I hope you will continue to share your writing. This is amazing!
-
Forgiving... can be one of the hardest things to do, even if you know it's what you should do. I had a friend who betrayed me, 3 years ago, I havn't spoken to her since. She was my very best friend for 8 years. But now I know she's in need... I bought her a birthday present and she sent me a card.. from jail. She needs friends right now, so I've forgiven her.
anywho, ultamatly awsome poem, sorry for my rambling. heheh
-henshu -
You are one hundred percent right!
-
Often I have found in life, when freinds say they will walk to the ends of the earth for you and back they never hit the mark when needed in a crisis situation. But, friends are friends, we should forgive. This is a good poem.
-
Like Open Eyes, this is so beautifully sad. There's so much hurt here, so much confusion. I can't believe that really happened. I like this form, it's interesting. Nice job
-
this is beautifully sad... and the friendship of david and jonathan, what a description of a friendship, that's awesome... there is a lot of hurt here, and it's woven into the poem so that to read it is to feel your hurt and frustration.. nice write
-
Duana;
I love your author comments as much as I love the poem itself. You are such a conscientious and dedicated student of writing and I am so impressed with that intense hunger of yours that I see in your desire to learn and do and be. It's such a wonderful inspiration to sit back and watch you and read your works. You are certainly growing as a writer and coming into your own. There is nothing wrong with learning various styles of writing. I do the same thing. I play around with rhyming and free style and stories and poetry and I also like haikus, although I have never posted any on here. Even though I dabble in all of it, just as I see you doing...there is usually one or two styles that you will find that are just "you". They fit you to a T and set you up for the writer you become and let me tell you girl...once you decide where your little niche lies you are, there's not going to be no holding you back! Great job here! Thank you for sharing.
-
This is amazing and if you revise it i'll kill you with a butcher knife
I love this piece, it's definatly my fave next to Mannequin, you know how much i love that poem.... hehe..
Don't revise it!!
If you have to revise it, write ANOTHER poem with the title "I still miss you (revised)" but leave this as the original!!!!!!!!!!!
<333
~Me -
i found this write very good, understandably as we grow and change our format, or stick with no format at all, change is always hard. change, the one constant in life, we tend to avoid at all costs. my advice to you about working on your forms, be you. no matter if you change this or that, dont let the form take over your style your voice, this confessional poetry, i tend to do that alot and it is for you. venting is the only way to keep our minds from a meltdown. andyhow i've babbled on enough, still waking up too lol but i enjoyed this, best of luck in your revisions process. take care, now
Adding your comment:
1 - 42 of 42
