Vaulting crags called down to one, who cried within the crib,
Squalling shrieks of unmet need that hailed to no avail;
Voiceless hopes were whispered on the rasping desert winds.
Scents from coarsely pillared halls would sooth with subtle kiss;
Lakes like mirrors mimed the stars from vales in mountains tall;
Vaulting crags called down to one, who cried within the crib.
Shadows pooled in pulseless ponds where aimless fancies swim;
Hints of sagebrush shrugged the dark where with a fragrant lull
Voiceless hopes were whispered on the rasping desert winds.
Streams in yawning canyons raced beneath their tufting mists,
Leaping down cascading cliffs, and guarding every fall,
Vaulting crags called down to one, who cried within the crib.
Dawn and dusk each passed in turn with burning pastel drift;
Colors paused on peak and plain where passing all the while
Voiceless hopes were whispered on the rasping desert winds.
Life began in bleak despair, too deep for one to live;
Sorrows crushed a tiny heart, but soundless through the pall,
Vaulting crags called down to one, who cried within the crib—-
Voiceless hopes were whispered on the rasping desert winds.
Author notes
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
Written August 10th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Cold Hard Truth!! by Slanted fears.
300 points, ended September 26, 2004, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Genious
This has death in it. But also hope of some sort I think....the flow is what I love most about this one..
KAY
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I will have to be converted to the full appreciation of villanelles. Maybe it is the fear of losing my footing in unknown territory that gives me the momentary (i hope) jitters. I am even afraid to say that #5 isn't on the top of my list. But I will have to read the rest and then revisit my 'assessment'.
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OK now I have read this a could times and I am not sure how you can say it is not a brain poem. Yes it is a heart poem first, but it is not a bared heart splashed on the page for all to read. It is deeper than that. Time marches and no relief....
Technically - I see you are working more with the rhymes, and I will say that they help to loosen up the form a bit, but over all I do prefer a little more solid end rhyme. I have been told that meter is of great importance to you and I can see that in all your writes. Your poems read very smoothly both silently and out loud.
I have time for one more tonight so off I go..
Susan -
Very nice, the imagery is absolutely perfect; I really like this awesome job and good luck in the contest.
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You certainly have the gift for weaving lovely images. And I cannot helped but admire this poem for it.
However, I have to be honest (as I am with the other contestants). I know you didn't entered it, but as I promised, I will judge this as if it's one of the entries.
The context sure did have a hint of hopelessness, but I'm afraid that it isn't quite chilly enough for me. I am looking for something with personal note on it...
But this is lovely. And I like the magic of your words.
Sincerely, Vanessa -
Aww I do so enjoy this one. Of course I'm a sucker for villanelle's so...yeah. lol The imagery in this is perfection.
~*Destiny*~ -
Such beauty with such a starkness about it. Brings to mind the desert. Simplicity at its best. I am going to have to bring up your home page and read more about the structure of a Villanelle.
~ Willow ~
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