Walk with me on this moonlit path, long throughout the night,
Woven amid rich undergrowth, beneath the oak and pine,
Winding among the brooks and streams, faintly sheened with light.
Only the moon reveals this way, else concealed from mind,
Leading away from wasted ways葉his path is ours alone;
Walk with me on this moonlit path, long throughout the night.
Frequently followed trails are trudged, trampled void of life;
Ours is a path of subtle sounds, profuse beneath the moon,
Winding among the brooks and streams, faintly sheened with light.
Though it may seem to fade, this trail, dim where shadows glide,
More is revealed with each new step葉his path is ours alone;
Walk with me on this moonlit path, long throughout the night.
Spanning afar to no place known, past the common strife,
Ours is a path that leads beyond to places deep within,
Winding among the brooks and streams, faintly sheened with light.
Steal far away with me and tread with long unfolding stride;
Let us decide a private route that ranges realms unknown;
Walk with me on this moonlit path, long throughout the night,
Winding among the brooks and streams, faintly sheened with light.
Author notes
featured in:
Zephyr: Online Journal of the Arts (2004 edition)
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/784856/all=1
Written July 30th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF Villanelles only by ecrivain01.
650 points, ended August 19, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Congratulations ...
on the publication.
Thanks for entering the contest.
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Ah yes, that was a long while ago. That online mag is no longer there... Hmm...
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be sure to browse through the comments on these villanelles. you'll find some educational comments from others and myself.
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The cadence that comes from reading this reminds me of the greats like the ones we did in school.... e.g. The Congo.... although I think that was written to a different form.
I feel that the subltle rising and falling helped with the dreaminess of the moonlit landscape.... -
I know nothing of the form that you used but the poetic content is soothing and the meter flows wonderfully... The overall sensation while reading brings one to this moonlit path, to walk with you hand in hand while enjoying the dim sheen and the sweet silence... Very relaxing.
On a side note, why is the last stanza 4 lines instead of three???
Still in awe of your poetic abilities.... ~Diane -
i can only stand back, and applaud.
there are some places where i just cant walk, and writing specified poetry is probably one of them.
my sincere compliments on this amazing piece of poetry.
N... -
I know you flagship this as an example of your unique approach to the form A.S. but I return here often for the artistic impression. It uplifts my spirits and makes it so that my feet no longer ache from the stones of whatever path they happen to be on. Thanks.
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crystaldust648141
This is only my second critique, because I'm very new.
I like the form, it fits the dreamy, gentle tone. It's not a great poem, but I don't think you intended it to be that anyway. Good of its kind and the vilanelle form is certainky worth pursuing.
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this is a gorgeous poem... it struck me as very classic and well-crafted... i can hear it read on an open mic... just not by me. thanks for entering my contest, much applause to you. s
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Though it may seem to fade, this trail, dim where shadows glide,
More is revealed with each new step葉his path is ours alone;
Walk with me on this moonlit path, long throughout the night.
I luv that verse, The whole poem rolls so beautifully off my toughe, like old time ballads sung with the harp. The repetition of the two verses add a bite the poem and the final extra verse really wrapps this up nicely.
Only the moon reveals this way, else concealed from mind,
luv this one too ^_^
Jen
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thank you!
this is the second poem that marked the official end of my 2.5 year long "ghazal project" and the start of my new "villanelle terzanelle project", the first poem you've already looked at, "Equine Dreaming". i'll be focused on villanelles and terzanelles for another 2.5 years, i've already given it 1.5 years. i've only been producing about 2 per month, but a full week and a half goes into each poem on average. the stone, now, are these two forms, and what i'm doing is seeing what kind of sculptures i can manage with my hammer and chisel.
my hope is that this time spent on each of these villanelles and terzanelles will pay off in the long run, that what today takes me a week or two to accomplish will one day take me 20 minutes to an hour. a similar thing has already occured via my ghazal project, but on a less accomplished scale than what i'm actually after in the long run.
with "Equine Dreaming", i was flexing some creative muscles that atrophied to a certain extent due to my time spent in exclusive study of the ghazal. but, with this poem i learned that the muscles weren't quite so atrophied as i had thought, all i had to do was spread some prosodic wings, ideas that had been brewing throughout the course of my rigid study of the ghazal, and see where they flew me to.
first stop, "Path by Moon"--when i was finished with this, i just sat and stared at it for the longest time and thought to myself, "maybe i'm getting somewhere afterall."
there are three layers to this, the first is metaphysical, the second is social commentary (sociatal) and the last is personal, my own actual journey and my desire to share that journey metaphorized.
anyway, glad you came and had a look. hope you'll enjoy my further thoughts. -
I like what you have done here. One of the greatest things about using form in poetry is that once you have mastered a form and the rules it somhow gives licence to break them. Your use of slant rhyme gives this a different flavor. I like that in the second and fourth stanzas you drew the second line into the refrain.
I believe in forms that rules can be bent and here you have flexxed them well...
I am glad you suggested I keep going...
Now I really must shove off...
Susan -
well wrote
Oooh...this reminds me of one of Robert Frost's poem. It also reminds me of 'The Great Dissapointment' by A.F.I (don't ask how) Anyways, my favorite part was, "Leading away from wasted ways葉his path is ours alone;
Walk with me on this moonlit path, long throughout the night."
Great job on the poem honey, and good luck in my contest.
Chellie
xoxo -
Not necessarily. Not at all. I love broadening my horizons, and learning new things, especially in poetry. I even looked over your villanelle article. But if you want to remove it, that is up to you. I see my contest is no longer listed at the top of the page, so I guess I will take that as an affirmative.
Peace,
Lo
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well, your response is a dead give-away that this poem doesn't stand a chance in the contest. maybe i should take up the habbit of writing fine examples of mediocrity... this is the only sort of thing that gets published, too. anyway, might as well remove it...
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A bit different than what I prefer in a villanelle. I guess I'm more of a traditionalist in that I prefer the 19 line model, and the maintenance of a certain meter. But I will not hold that against you, as I don't think that is what necessarily makes good poetry. Thanks for the entry. Nice job.
Peace,
Lo
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I have nothing to say about this poem except that it is beautifully written. Almost a story that I wanted to follow.
Very nicely done.
~Bezoar -
This is truly beautiful. Your meter is perfect, and the natural imagery combined with the meter gives this piece a classical feel. Reminds me a bit of Thoreau, actually (that's Henry David, you can find him on Oldpoetry if you don't know him). Very Transcendental period, which is one of my favorites. So, okay, I'm biased, but... very, very well done.
Much respect,
Sarah
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this piece is so beautiful. i love villanelles because they're complicated but can be used to describe even the simplest of things. your words here are powerful and moving -- a perfect representation of the moonlit path you're describing. great great work. -alex
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aye, this piece has three layers. 1) the apparent, a real live moonlit path in the wood. 2) the social, the path less traveled, or the path rarely taken, in the realm of society. 3) the metaphysical (which is the primary inspiration for this write), there is the metaphysical walk on the moonlit path, an exploration of the inner self, the alternative selves, understandings, etc -- the path of personal progress and recovery.
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excellent
What a beautiful poem!
I especially like the line:
'Only the moon reveals this way, else concealed from mind
Very mystical..I love moon poems.
Path Less Travelled...Reminds me of The Poem 'The Road Not Taken' by Robert Frost...
Good Luck in the contest.
Thanx for your comment on my poem.
Best Wishes
Di
Edited on Jul 17, 3:37 because ''. -
This is beautiful. I see I have much to learn, although I do enjoy my villanelles just fine. You write beautifully. I like this a lot.
~*Destiny*~ -
aye. thanky izzi.
the moonlit path is actually an allegory for the path less traveled.
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aye! woven! good choice of words. hope you enjoy what you see if you read more.
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Oh, wow. This is unbelievable; the structure is perfect and the imagery is just breathtaking. How I'd love to know where this moonlit path is so I could stroll at night.
Lovely, lovely write.
Elizabeth -
What a beautiful poem you have woven! I think I may have to add you to my favourites. Such imagery! All I can say is "wow"
~Elsie -
Lovely...I can see I have much to learn. I will be back to follow up on the links to your home page. I'm always up for a new form of poetry. Good luck in the contest.
~ Willow ~ -
Love the form and the descriptions. You have done an amazing job at detailing all the beauty of the scene while staying true to form. The form doesn't consrict you and it seems you have adapted to it very well. I enjoyed reading
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squirelle: glad you enjoyed. i got to one of yours so far.
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Emp-eyes: Delighted by your thoughts and kind words!
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PV: Many thanks! This piece has some special meaning to me.
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if you follow the link to my home page, you'll find a link there to "Journeys Into Poetic Forms", on that page, you'll find a link to an online chapbook called "Stepping Stones". In that chapbook I've provided a great deal of information about the villanelle including sourcing a couple of books that you can obtain if you want to get REALLY serious.
Much thanks for your kind words! This is one of my personal favorites. Once in a while I get it right, or at least I get close.
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wow this is such an awsome piece and i enjoyed reading it so much.. im glad you decided to share it with us.. maybe you could check out my work and tell me what you think..
matt aka squirrell -
Wow. I loved reading this. I have got to figure out how to write villanelles but I can't find the rules anywhere. I think I have it down, (just from reading other villanelles), but could you tell me what the rules are please?
Your poem was beautful, the imagery exact, and the vocaublary was stunning. My favourite lines are:
Frequently followed trails are trudged, trampled void of life;
Ours is a path of subtle sounds, profuse beneath the moon,
Winding among the brooks and streams, faintly sheened with light.
These words are truly beautiful...
morgana
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You've wrote such a beautiful piece here.... I loved the way it flowed and your emotions that shone through.
"Though it may seem to fade, this trail, dim where shadows glide,
More is revealed with each new step葉his path is ours alone;
Walk with me on this moonlit path, long throughout the night."
This verse was my favourite. Great write and thanks for sharing, Kate
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Wow, that is such an amazing poem. so much emotion and flow and the structure is flawless, and the imagery evoked from it is just so beautiful. I was touched and moved and that's what poetry should do. Great write!
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