... for Alexandra ...
How could you turn your heart from love so grand?
A love as hers you will not know again;
Your loss is greater than you understand.
Her burning love for you would all withstand;
Never a love so pure will you attain;
How could you turn your heart from love so grand?
Unto the end would she have kept your hand,
And never with another ever lain;
Your loss is greater than you understand.
She would not in her days her love remand;
A truer love in life you will not gain;
How could you turn your heart from love so grand?
No deeper love than hers is in the land;
Perdurable, through time would it remain;
Your loss is greater than you understand.
You’ve left her with a broken heart to stand
In emptiness alone with all her pain;
How could you turn your heart from love so grand?
Your loss is greater than you understand.
Author notes
to learn more about the villanelle: allpoetry.com/ Column/784856/ all=1
Written July 28th, 2001
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
Is this really your first poem posted on here?
I am not sure how to start commenting on this ...it really isn't like any of the newer ones I have been reading but I want to anyway...
the speech is so direct and it isn't hid under metaphors and similies....there really isn't any room for the reader to get what they want from it...but my guess is that during this time you were not focused on the reader at all but the poetry and how it comes to mind... and I don't think it has anything to do with the fact you were writing a poem for a friend because you have done that more than once more recently and there is still room for the reader to move in their mind and imagination..
my favorite stanza:
"She would not in her days her love remand;
A truer love in life you will not gain;
How could you turn your heart from love so grand?"
since the focus is this woman...I think that these lines in thise order give "her" the most character and back bone...
It seems to me that you were just discovering how you wanted to make the villanelle your own...
Kay Laon
-
That is an interesting interweaving of lines....
not an outright repetition but woven into the structure
I suspect for a very good purpose.
I will have to read a couple more to get more of a feel for this.
I quite enjoyed the ryhthmic musicality that this style/form lends.
I used to think it had something to do with villains. But that's just me being stupid.
Hope I did not offend with my last PM. -
beautiful, just perfect for my mood tonight, thank you
-
Once again so self-contained and concise. Fantastic!!
-
Stunning
This is stunning. Absolutely perfect villanelle form. Perfect, perfect, perfect. I'm glad you gave the poem to the person who caused all the pain. I like the villanelle form, it's so contained, and so emphasises whatever the key emotion is. However, difficult to build a story into it, or show growth or change... Or do you have a villanelle that has conquered that limitation? Fascinated to hear.
Perdurable? Not a word I know. Will look it up when I am off the site. Wish I had more points today, you deserve applause for this. -
Wow, this type of writing is so demanding of discipline but yet once you get the great lines to repeat, it kinda takes over on it's own. great use of style.
-
I liked this poem, but I believe it is one of those poems that will never mean as much to the readers as it does to you and the people related to the poem. Never the less I really liked it. Great job.
-
Very sad, Looks like you have had some tragedies in your life. But you need to keep strong! Never let your gaurd down. Love the poem.
-
mew: this was actually written for a friend who's fiance cheated on her with her best friend and then, after he broke up with her, got engaged to and then married her best friend that he was cheating with. woosh! boy was she distraught. i told her he didn't deserve her and then wrote her this poem to give to him.
first villanelle.
-
It sounds like you're reprimanding yourself, alas, maybe there was some healing qualities to writing this. There is so much regret portrayed, but it doesn’t seem to be normal regret, it has more of an guilt stricken air to it. It sounds as if this was the worst loss you have faced -- so much so that I don’t wish to say too much on this one. :/
Edited on Jun 01 because ''. -
this is beautifully written. i do have a couple of suggestions if i may... i have a feeling you might have struggled with whether to put this in first or third. after a couple objective reads, i must say i think first person would be much more powerful. in third, the reader sort of stands beside the narrator as an onlooker, rather than sharing the feeling. my poetry teacher gave me some very good advice: he said, if you hurt, you have to hurt your reader. i try to live by that. also, the last stanza has a few cliche'd phrases that cloud the power of your point. even without your explanation of the broken heart and pain, the feeling has already been delivered to the reader.
anyway,i hope that is helpful. you have real poetic talent. -
This makes up for the poem hear..
I like the line.
"You loss is greater than you can understand."
I love it, it tells the reader about how great love really is, I love it, great jobn Erin.
Stay in touch
-Holly O'Donnell -
well I decided that if I was going to come read your stuff I would start with a form I know and I decided to start at the very beginning for as Julie Andrews once said "It's a very fine place to start."
I like your choice of topics and the refrain works well here. You ave really beat up on the heartbreaker here...
Overall a well turned villanelle.
Susan -
very good
The villanelles are one of my favorite forms. This one is extremely well done. A real pleasure to read.
Unto the end would she have kept your hand,
did you mean?
Unto the end she (would) have kept your hand,
John -
It is so telling that you made the repeating lines to beHow could you turn your heart from love so grand? Than, A truer love in life you will not gain; And that you used you in this last phrase instead of 'I'. It speaks a lot about the person's focus. I think it would be very interesting to write this from a different point of view, or even from the same person's point of view but down the line in their lives when they have gained greater maturity and awareness. It is a really great poem as it is, but for me the joy of doing poetry with repeating lines is to rewrite them in many ways. I have just recently discovered how much I enjoy poems with repeating lines- I think they will become my obsession one day. It all started with the triolet for me. I especially like the triolet because the genius of it is to symantically change the meaning of the repeated line(without changing the words though at all). I have yet to find any really superb triolets on here. I thought the one I awarded the gold in my contest though did well on this aspect though. If you know of any, please let me know, because I love the triolet. And yes, as i said, that was the beginning, and then I discovered other forms of repeating line poetry, and I am so hooked(only in my head though for nwo, not in my writing).
-
WoooooW!
Wow, again!!!! There was so much romantic emotion in this write, great choice of words and wonderful flow.
I see your new here at AP, can't wait to see what you post! -
I'm not an expert on the style of this poem, but I believe this was perfect. I hope that your friend has read this. It is a great poem. I see that you have quite a few Villinelle for me to read...so I'm off
Welcome to AP. Plese feel free to message me or any of the other Greeters here. We are happy to answer any questions that you might run into. Above all have fun
~ Willow ~
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
