My plans have failed-
I am not wise
Nor have I beauty as the day,
Or fiery hair that streams and flows
In every merry wind that blows
Across the horse I haven’t got
As swiftly, we away!
The secret language of the beasts
I was never shown
The moon is fairer than my skin,
And I begin
To doubt I shall stay ever young,
Ever laughing, ever strong
Against Time’s teasing pen.
Let it come!
I bid the years-
Come bring me all your treasures!
Lay them out in seashells,
In songs with pretty measures-
And after night is ended
Perhaps I’ll wake to find
The dreams I sought in twilight
Are there, are real, are mine.
Author notes
At thy right hand there are pleasures forevermore
Psalm 16:11
Transatlanticism (as per contest request)
A contest entry
- Something Different! by Trent plus pen.
800 points, ended August 19, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Hate to copy another's comment, but Shadowsong is spot on. The power of this poem comes from the conclusion, the last 4 lines.
I do, however, disagree about the first two stanzas. They did seem to work for me. It was actually the start of the third that seemed, laboured. But hey, what would I know, I once rhymed stairs with stairs. -
wow, I LOVE the last 4 lines. So great. The first 2 stanzas are good, but don't quite seem to fit. Like, what you're saying is fine, it's the structure that kind of confuses me. But the last stanza is amazing. Good work.
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A fabulous pice of poetry that made a little smile come to my face. It was a pleasure to read. Well done and keep up the great efforts.
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Reminds me of how i felt this morning. I was having one of those dreams you just want to continue..and woke up, and in waking I wasn't able to go back to it, or at least, it wasn't the same when I did..that always saddens me. In that, I can relate to this.
Well written. -
Great Poem
Very well written and has a great overall feeling. The personification is very well used. -
This is sincerly fantastic! Your personification is off the wall. Good write and good luck in the contest!
KAY -
I really enjoyed this poem. It walks you through a small journey that many ppl take in an extraordinary way.
well done. -
This is so beautifully worded!
I just love the metaphors you captured inside your outstanding words making this wonderful poem!
Keep up your unique way of writing!
Leander -
You look at aging with a wise eye, lovely write it has a lot of emotion, I enjoyed reading this very much, nice flow and never jars well done this is a little gem, keep writing like this it is also a clever write, all the best, hugs
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This is another excellent poem. You have so much talent as a poet. This poem came at a good time for me as I'm getting older (I'm 25 now), and feeling depressed about it. It made me smile, and feel much more like "Bring it on" than "okay, I'm old and I'm going to hide under my bed for the rest of my life."
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i love this, about, the things that aren't yours, you don't have, but, you continue to welcome life... the imagery is great, i enjoyed the flow.
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This was very nice. The way you wrote as in the structure was interesting, and your words were written very nicely. Thanks for sharing your work. It was a nice read.
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great
great poem, It truly is great, but what's with the giant empty space at the end? LOL
Thanks for sharin at check out my contet "movie critic"
Catch yall laterz,
~theshadowpot~ -
Let it come!
I bid the years-
Come bring me all your treasures!
Lay them out in seashells,
In songs with pretty measures-
And after night is ended
Perhaps I’ll wake to find
The dreams I sought in twilight
Are there, are real, are mine.
THAT'S POETRY, my friend. Wow....this was...awesome. Beyond the description of words. I applaud you for this one. Bravo!
In Christ
Andy
Edited on Jul 16, 5:27 p.m. because ''. -
This is a sophisticated work which is really well written and beautiful
I liked it a lot
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this embodies beauty and grace, with sophistication and prose. Such lovely fantasy, and wonderful imagery. Excellent, excellent work!
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9/10
Yeah i liked this, very nice and fantasifal, maybe it will come true though, stranger things have happened. -
*double thumbs up*
I loved this. The title especially intrigued me.. I love how it's written, kind of in an older style. It's neat how you started out w/"My plans have failed..." etc and then was like, screw it, bring it on! =) Thanks for putting this up. -
Great read...
Wonderful poem...i'm kinda still trying to understand it myself. But these were my favorite lines:
The secret language of the beasts
I was never shown
The moon is fairer than my skin,
And I begin
To doubt I shall stay ever young,
Ever laughing, ever strong
Against Time’s teasing pen.
Great read...
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