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Watching Suicide


I can't believe the noise
in a room so silent

A sight that no one should ever have to see

Dilated eyes,
mouth slightly open,
and the blood flowing so freely
down a limp arm,
over a dangling hand
with fingertips that are extended
just above a razor blade on the floor

I never expected to find this,
even though things hadn't been right.
I never thought this would be the solution.

My unseeing eyes
seeing everything
in the mirror
as I accept what I have done

Author notes

And all that could have been

choice 5
Written July 13th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Casey Jane
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    Perfection...one word that describes your words.
    I couldn't pick a favorite. To be honest I loved them all.
    Continue to move me.
    Casey Jane


  • mollyeh13
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow very powerful. i have had experience with suicide and that is not a thing anyone wants to see. its so hard to accept anything to do with the idea. you put it so beautifully and i appreciate the saddness and emotion put into it. great job! and it was posted on my birthday! how wierd

  • BabyDawlCryz
    July 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    I love the imagery and the flow. It's sad and beautiful at the same time. I almost cried. Good work. I salute you

    *curtsies*
    Angel


  • MissMandiDoll
    July 19, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    OMG.You are so wonderful wow this was just to good to word.I look up to your writing so thanks.Great job.
    Hugs.
    Mandi


  • Delphinidae
    July 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    gasp What a vivid write! I have to admit that this is written with such astonishing reality, that I fear that it is/was true. I hope that if this did happen to you, that you are okay now, and through whatever caused your anguish. You have an amazing talent for discription of situations, and emotions with out having to use many words. I am still shivering.


  • Cemetery Rose
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...what a twist!! Good descriptions too, incredibly vivid...gave me a chill all the way through! Great dark write! Best of luck


  • JenP
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow. I didn't expect that at the end. Talking about it the way you did made it so powerful and amazing to read. Great job.

  • SpaceCadetJ
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Watching yourself die from a thrid person stand point, wow. This is a heavy piece, it almost seems that you were unaware of what you did. I very much enjoyed it despite its depressing nature. Such things have been comforting me recently.

    Rock On


  • Moo
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    the imagery in this poem was so vivid. Great descriptions and nice little twist at the end there. =)

    ..Moo..


  • My Darkness
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this one gave me the shivers, ha probably because that's what i did...anyway good luck in the contest, see ya around

    take care

    -Stac-


  • Talia
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    this just causes me to worry to be honest, Great imagery but feels as if it is to damn clear to be honest... Good luck


  • Jack Durden
    July 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow, i really, really like this one, i really like how you end it, very nicely done, great twist.... keep it up, great work

    ps, best of luck to you in the contest

    charlie


  • FlawedDestiny
    July 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is great! I love it. You write sooo well!
    ~*Destiny*~`


  • ch0colate
    July 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.... this is truly amazing, so beautiful. Excellent write.

1 - 14 of 14