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Worth



Your value I cannot express

I hear your voice its vital roar

As I am lost in your caress

Like waves upon the ocean shore

Your lips embrace as they explore

My soul’s awash in this abyss

I’d not trade heaven for your kiss



Patricia Gibson-Williams


July 13, 2004

Author notes

I've never tried this form before so I hope I got it at least close to right.
Written July 13th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Hoosierpoet silver member
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This one certainly is worthy of "honorable mention" and my applause for your hard work. Thanks for entering this in the contest.

    Moses


  • Hoosierpoet silver member
    July 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done - good meter and excellent rhymes. I loved your choice of subject matter, and you expressed yourself beautifully. Thanks for entering!

    Best wishes,
    Moses

  • CrimsonUniverse
    July 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think you got everything right (except a Rime Royal uses
    iambic pentameter but I think we didn't have to have that for
    this particular contest). It still has a flow to it, and you
    used the same amount of syllables in each line as far as I can
    tell So no worries. Btw, 'can not' is always spelled as
    one word (cannot) as far as I know Well done!

    Jen