I was twenty-one years old
alone in an all-night diner
after another bad date
with a woman who couldn't love me
no matter how much I gave
or how hard I tried.
Looking back, I know now
that I was asking the impossible.
We can never be more than we are
no matter how badly
someone else wants us to be.
There are a billion and one moments
that make us who we are.
Who could ever sort them out,
let alone rearrange them?
She was older than me
and had been hurt before.
She was broken
and I could not fix her.
She had folded in on herself
and I could not unfold her
but I wanted her so desperately,
I couldn’t stop trying.
I saw a paradise
that she couldn't see.
So I kept returning,
like a colt to a trough
too cracked and beaten to hold water.
After enough nights like that one
and a very bad ending;
after the storm had cleared
and the debris was swept away,
I returned to myself
and it finally dawned on me
how uncomplicated love really is.
We know when someone really cares.
We even know if someone can't love at all.
It's built in.
But the heart and mind
have never been much for communication
and the depth of our loneliness
can be measured
by how much we make it not matter.
I understand her now.
Time has humbled me.
The world has destroyed my delusions.
I am more mature, safer.
But now, I am afraid
that I will never love as hard
as that kid
who sat alone in an all-night diner
tasting a new kind of pain
deeper than he'd ever known.
Now, the world has broken me, too.
Author notes
To those of you who have given me relationship advice, thanks very much but it's not necessary. The relationship I refer to in this poem happened many years ago. I really just used the memory of that relationship as a vehicle to express the idealism of my untamed, youthful mind and the frustration of trying to love someone who is broken down by the world.
Written July 12th, 2004
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1 - 27 of 27
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thanks for the link. i actually see this as not a poem but more like a monologue.
but still, i get the message, and eventually i'll believe it.
thanks Mark, great hearing from you again,
happy new year,
all my love,
Lauren -
This was an amazing poem dear freind, you used your own memories to touch very good points..i like your style in this one..how your words were so simple but strong and meanfull..i like when you talked about growing older and becoming more mature..isn't that so true?lol..Mark ,i would like you to check my short story (lost love) if u didn't read it..just be ready for some corrections maybe a lot..lol..thanks again...
ypl(as was called by you..lol) -
wonderful
"She was older than me
and had been hurt before.
She was broken
and I could not fix her.
She had folded in on herself
and I could not unfold her
but I wanted her so desperately,
I couldn’t stop trying.
I saw a paradise
that she couldn't see."
Thsis is really good stuff, Mark, you write from you heart and this is endearing to me. The picture you have painted here is vivid and beautiful though sad. It is a piece of your past so wonderfully shared and should be enjoyed by many, it was by me.
I shall be back for more!
Thanks!
Take Care-TGR (Theresa)
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Hi AS,
Thanks again for the response on this. You've got my number. Just give me a ring anytime. It would be great to hang out with a fellow poet. I know so many wonderful people here but only through words on my computer screen. It would be great if we could all hang out together at the All Poetry Cafe. lol
Thanks again,
Mark -
Poignant and lovely
I actually can't think of the heart and mind as separate. My wish and what I work toward is, integration of the two so that the mind thinks about what the heart wants, and the heart wants what the mind knows is good and right...
It was a poignant piece of work, and lovely to read. I understand it.
Kerry -
Hearts a Fire,
Your response is a poem in itself. What a great collection of memories. Thanks for sharing them with me. I got a laugh out of the kid saying "Oh, shit" in the back of the class. I guess that's a good way for teachers to find out who is doing the two-backed monster, huh? lol
Thanks again for the wonderful response.
Mark
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BRAVO
Unrequited love leaves such an indelible impression in the heart, soul and mind. Hopefully we learn, and grow, and come to realize that indeed, "It is better to have loved and lost, then not to have loved at all." As I read each line, each stanza, I murmured within, "yes, oh yes, that's right" as memories of an old pain simmered at the surface. It was the last stanza that brought me emotionally full circle to that place I had been. My stomach turned inside out and all my senses keened remembering the depth of my lonliness and the insurmountable moment of fear, no, panic that came with it. You did a magnificent job representing the vulnerability of our humaness when we truly experience love.... -
Even though this was a sad experience for you it sure made a wonderful piece of poetry. I hope you understand what I mean by that. This was truly delightful to read. I loved it. This is such a refreshing piece. A great way to end the evening. Thank you for the privilege and pleasure of reading this.
Edited on Jul 28 because ''. -
if you're in northern california, maybe you'll let me treat you out to coffee (i don't drink and hate being around people who are drinking, so bars are completely out of the question). i was under the impression the willywonka chocolate factory was in england somewhere, but maybe it moved somewhat closer.
i don't make invitations of this sort very often.
still another contest poem. not a lot of imagery used, but the imagery used is extremely apt. i think it's better not to go overboard in the imagery department anyway, simply using it as a tool rather than trying to make it one's only frame of expression. free-verse is tough to critique beyond "good imagery" or "whoa, man, you need more imagery". for some reason, modern poetics has been swallowed into a sort of black-hole in this regard.
beyond that, i can relate, i enjoyed, and i'm glad you've captured this experience in an actual free verse poem for me to read and relate to. -
I think that the emotion and feelings expressed in this write are so true and you have a good outlook on what happened and how it all came about. But the best part of it is that you were finally able to find some peace in the understanding you came to know and moved on. Nice write hun
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Hi Debbie,
Thanks for your thoughtful comment on this. To be called an "honest" writer is the supreme compliment to me because I think writers are interesting in direct proportion to their honesty. Bad writers think, "I can't say that. What will people think of me?" Good writers bare their souls, warts and all, and in doing so, touch the souls of others. I know you know what I mean because you're that kind of writer.
Thanks again. I hope all is well with you, my friend.
Mark -
Has the wonderful sparce feel to it like an Edward Hopper painting along with the ache of a distant violin. I could be glib and ask was,
"or how hard I tried." meant to be "tried to get hard" and of course the statement to end all fanciful statements- "I understand her now." Good luck selling that line to the rest of the male population.
But in seriousness, this is well written and great to read.
David
PS The photo is perfect- there is a couple who know a thing or two about horns!
Edited on Jul 19, 2:17 because ''. -
No advise here....great poem...great emotional letting go.
Love the photo. Thanks for commenting on my poem Orphans.
I'll be back to read more real soon.
Cheryl -
people are often broken. you must just hope to be bandaged soon. the search for love may seem endless until it is forsaken.
thank you for wiritting this.
fallen.
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Good, poem. I think that it shows a person's personal maturation in love and is able to step back and examine things objectivly.
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Wow this is really sad and yet beautiful. Your words were used so vividly, and you make the reader feel the pain as you did. I've been there so I know how you feel! Th ending made the poem very sad and lonely:
"But now, I am afraid
that I will never love as hard
as that kid who sat alone
in an all-night diner
tasting a new kind of pain
deeper than he'd ever known.
Now, the world has broken me, too."
Touching write. All the best, Kate
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This was nice. You have a talent for writing. And I'm not going to give you any relationship advice. If anyone needed it, it would be em. LOL. But good work! Keep it up!
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Well after reading your comments on here, i dont know what else i could add, i totally agree with Painted...It is hard, but you have to try if you feel that stongly about it...i too have a husband that has built a wall that is hard to tear down, but i am slowly working on it, Patients is the number one thing that you must have. Love makes us all crazy, but in the end, it does pay off. I pray for you and that your loved one will see how your feel and understand why you have held on to this love...
Good luck to you my friend.
Much love,
CheyChris
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Great job
Great job! Was a refreshing change from the poems I have read recently! -
Wonderful write. It speaks to me at just the right time as I sit here full of loneliness tonight. You raised some important points and wrote brilliantly. Thanks for sharing.
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Thats deep man i know where thats coming from unfortunately and it sucks what makes it worse is shes off with a good friend. But as long as she is happy even after she lied to me and screwed me over alot. God bless you and take care my friend.
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absolutely exquisite
Mark, your words held truths I didn't want to hear...but knew in my heart anyway. There is such a depth of profundity and understanding in this piece, and expressed with such honesty and in such a straightforward manner - it simply takes my breath away. I have visited your author's page a few times, and love the quotations you've collected there. I think some of the lines from this poem are as sage and timely as any there.
"There are a billion and one moments
that make us who we are."
"We know when someone really cares.
We even know if someone can't love at all.
It's built in.
But the heart and the mind
have never been much for communication
and the depth of our loneliness
and the strength of our self-respect
can be measured
by how much we make it not matter."
I'm sure I will forget the truth you made me read in my own heart today. But, from time to time, perhaps when I need it the most....I will recall this poem, and I will remember. Thank you for this.
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Posies for My Friend
Aw, Mark...been there...loved the pic! (yes, perfect!) I understand what you felt/are saying (from my own viewpoint, of course)...Sir...'tis HER loss...& I am SURE she knows this now...(small consolation, I know)...you are a Good Man, Wonka...hold onto that thought, willya? I know I appreciate you a great deal...smart, witty thing that ya are! & impeccable taste, as well!...
teehee...I'd bring you tea & posies if I could...will these do? 
...swan hang in, my friend...I am...(93 posted as of now...some are VERY sad, even raging ('Rattlin' My Cage' esp.)...be warned, my friend...but others are hopeful, yes, again) 'cause you needed a refill...spent a few nights in diners, as well...more often as not, tho', at home alone with my own brew, brooding...be well, Mark, & stay persistent...'tis VIP...
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It has been a long while since I've read an angst poem from you.
You hit the spot with the lines 'we even know if someone has the ability to love at all'. It is sad to love someone that doesn't want love us in return, at least not the way we expect to. We can lie to ourselves saying it doesn't matter, but the pain inside shows us otherwise.
Very good poem Mark!
Hugs,
Mari
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awwww...this is such an honest poem...u are so not alone in feeling this way or having elt this way...we've all been there...loving someone when they didn't or couldn't love us back..this was an awesome testament to that...i loved the form, the emotions and more importantly, the truth...thanks so much for entering..
kay -
Excellent!
Well done, Mark! I used to chant "It just doesn't matter!" (copying Bill Murray's chant in one of his movies)...but it did matter and always will.
Maureen
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