night time
no light time
stars but no sun
a moon no cloud
and the sounds of animals of the night
i look out my window
i see the sways of the
swallowed darkness trees
tonight i hear fire
older kids being chased
mr.Harvey's gate alight
thats all i could see
in the darkness of the night
Author notes
hey there last night i was bored so i made up two stupid poems about my cat and this morning i finished off this one about the night sorry if they are rubbish but they are my first ever poems i have written
Written July 11th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
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i like it. it's very good for this type of poem. because it's slightly dark, but manages not to be. very good on portraying night
~later -
thank you for the comment and the suggestions i apreciate that. it is just that my 6 year old cousin helped me,i know bless her
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I love the view from you window. This is a great write, however there are a few suggestions that I would like to give you.
Suggestion
1. You might want to think about makeing all of your "i"'s upper case
Grammer
1. On line eight, "darknessed" is not a word.
A. You might think about changeing the line to;
Trees swallowed by darkness
or something of that nature.
2. In line seven, the word "sways" is used incorrectly. The correct useage of the word would be swaying.
~
Johnathan
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aw bless ya chick this is sweet
lol Another good poem Thanks again for sharing your 'wonderful' work LOL just kiddind about the '' lol
Rowena Jo
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