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the flashing of my mind's eye

a storm is brewing
the space is small
an enclosed metropolis of thought
    sight
       sound
all is lost
       in a jumble of disorganized
           attempts
        failure
     failure
   failure  
     long lost faces
          forgotten loves
              moments
          taken too soon
         gone...
              like thunderous applause
                   spirited away by the wind
                     soaking into the earth
          with the rest of the rain
                 diluted and shared
                             with the masses
                                 but lost to me forever
          lost      
                       lost
  lost
                                       lost
               lost
       lost


                                lost
                  lost


lost                                    lost

                 lost  


the sun will shine
on another day

Author notes


Written July 9th, 2004

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Hoosierpoet silver member
    July 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Looks like maybe a twister hit here - and the pieces are flying everywhere and every which way! A masterful illusion.

    Best wishes,
    Moses


  • -LizBTropez-
    July 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I really like your use of spacing to give this poem a unique feel. Great vocabulary, and use of repetition emphasizes emotions. I especially like the spacing and repetition of lost, like raindrops. The last two lines provide some hope to the reader. Good luck in the contest.