All my life i've lived with a lord
All my life my hearts played one chord
No struming on my heart strings
No loving my 'good' lord
Can't wait for the age to come
When I get up and leave
stop her squeezing on my lungs
I want some place to breathe
Society says 'you should love your lord'
Oh she loves playing with me
She traps me in a little cage
Playing my one chord
she took my loving guidance away
so i was left alone with her
away from him i was lead a stray
i hope she don't survive the guilt
Tasting every drop of blood
grinding through my bones
In my stomach shes churning cud
Playing my one chord
My father is the one who cared
he'd stop my blood from flowing
he would break the chains around
my heart thats withered and chard
My lord is just a tyrant
I want a life
one thats new
Ive had enough i'm fighting through
I'm loving who she can't
Nocking on his door I pray
The lord above is on his way
As i'm banging on his door
The evil beast devouring my core
Now the good lord looks down on me
now i'm good happy and free
Now I see what she can't see
The good lord looks down on me
And although I still live with the beast
Theres someone by my side
the pain and hurt has finally ceast
the good lords by my side
Author notes
The beast is my mother who made my life hell untill i found peace with god.
Written July 7th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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thanx ~tazmin~
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yah, it gives more insight to your narrator's character and def. makes me feel more emotion towards your words. i like it a lot better.
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i've tried a little to delve deeper into why i dispise every thing about her. i hope you don't get worried about what you read, you don't have to read it again if you don't want i just wanna know if this makes it any better
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cheers for the advice but i really don't think i could do that. i've written about sum pretty sadening stuff but this i just can't do. i'm sorry to disappoint you. ~tazmin~
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this poem is pretty intense... your emotions are harnessed pretty well but i would let more of yourself, and your personal experiences out with this piece unless the topic is too personal for you to elaborate on. i feel like you would be able to connect with your reader on a whole different level if you were to release some of the pain inside in this one. otherwise, great job!
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thanks. if we both keep our heads up. it won't do soon. good luck with life and writing. hugs ~tazmin~
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Heh good job. I really like the first stanza, also the second. Feels like my own life.
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thanx i'm sorry bout the spelling mistakes im 15 but im dislecsic! i probs cant even spell that. it really helps when people correct my spelling thanx
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I have no idea how long you have been writing poems, but the poem expresses much discomfort with something we are left to imagine (with no real direction to go) but by the end the problem has come to a happier conclusion. It can then mean a lot of different things to different people, and runs almost completely by feelings. I still have no idea what you mean by "one chord," and would have preferred to know.
I would guess you to be young because of your spelling. If so here is some help: "breath" You catch a breath, breathe all the time (noun and verb are different) The apostrophe in contractions: she is = she's that is = that's, knocking
Spell check helps but doen't catch real words used wrong.
When writing more seriously, these little things do make a difference.
It is true you only learn to write by writing a lot, so carry on! --Dee
Edited on Jul 08, 11:51 because 'typo'. -
good job good job, but a few changes: capitalize your "i"s and use spell check... i really like it tho. o, and i've been in catholic school for the past like 11 years, so if your talking about like your God, your supposed to capitalize that too... but those are petty things...
the essence of the poem was very good. very personal, and I loved the transformation through the poem. Good job!!
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it's beautiful
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