ominous clouds
oppressing earth's reflection
conquered by the sun
Patricia Gibson-Williams
Author notes
I used the word reflects because it can be taken two ways. Originally I was going to use sparkles or glimmers, but “reflects” just seemed more appropriate. What do you think. Patti
Written June 25th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku haiku haiku haiku! by FifthDove.
300 points, ended July 4, 2004, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Ah
Its like that here in KY now
Nice ku
Good luck in the contest
Huggles
Susan~~~
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A very nice write here,
I do agree that oppressing does
sound a bit further off then oppress.
Nice write hun.
Thank you for entering.
Edited on Jul 03, 7:10 p.m. because ''. -
You have done a wonderful job here. I am so impressed with this haiku. It is so nice to see all of you helping each other out so much. Good sportmanship. Cheryl
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Some people just know all the right words to use... I guess you're one of them. This is a wonderful poem.
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Thank you Ed. Yes you are right that it is not a usual form, but unlike the rule about not exceeding syllable count, exceptions are acceptable. I though about using “oppress earth’s reflection” but I felt that it seemed to final as if it was too late for the earth to be rescued. I’ll have to give it some more thought. I also changed earth’s, thank you for pointing it out. I have a problem identifying mistakes in my own work, because I tend to look at it from memory, more than reading it. I look forward to reading some of your work. ~ Patti ~
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Thank you for pointing that out... I don't usually miss something like that; if anything I'm more likely to put an apostrophe where one doesn't belong. LOL "I decided to use reflection, because no only does the earth reflect the sun, as all planets do; but it could also be seen as keeping it from thinking about it’s beauty and wonder. Not to mention that if we related it to the human world, the ominous clouds could be say an ex-mate who always criticized and the sun could be an new love who helps the person over come that and shine again. I’m not sure if there is something I could do to clear that up. I like haiku because if you look at them several different ways many of them mean more then what’s obvious, upon the first read. Not all of course… but just enough to make it interesting. ~ Patti ~
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I like the idea of clouds oppressing earth's reflection, I think you worded that very beautifully.. and then they are overtaken by the sun. Awesome imagery
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i believe that the gerund, or present participle form is frowned upon in haiku.
earth's is possessive. and then the sun finally shines through, counquering the evil clouds.
i like it. -
Awesome haiku...
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Again a great haiku, I can see a darkening sky.
good work! -
Beautiful write, Angel. I'm not sure about "reflections" though. Maybe "radiance"? or "candescence"? One nitpick... earths needs an apostrophe. Enjoyed!
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So many lovely haiku with so few of words. The power of a haiku is so sweet. well done, true enjoyment.
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Wow...y'know, Haikus I really don't get. I suppose it's even too deep for me...But still...it was great...and I know it sounds like I'm just sayin' that to be polite...since I don't even really know what it means...but I'm not...it is really beautiful wording...Great job
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