In the saintly kingdom of Guise
A fair but poor maiden was born
With golden hair and soft blue eyes.
Her beauty was beyond compare.
Even clothed in the rags she wore
No one else could be found so fair.
Of her beauty she wasn't aware.
For a morsel of food she'd cry
Because hunger was hard to bare.
On cold winters for endless hours
She would slave for wood for the fire
While the pain in her soul devours.
The years passed by and as she grew
Her charm and radiance flourished
Yet inside herself she withdrew.
Her poverty kept her in fear.
Seldom would she be seen outdoors
Except for affairs in the year.
On one of those special affairs
The prince of the entire kingdom
In awe, beheld her standing there.
As to the pleasing maidens name
The enamored prince made inquiries.
For his love he hoped to proclaim.
Alas to his endless dismay
He learned of her destitution
And of her apprehensive way.
He knew he could enrapture her
With great riches and luxury.
He could cover her in fine fur.
For this he, in fact, knew she would
Be forever grateful to him.
But still he pondered if he should.
Her true love is what he desired
Not gratefulness and gratitude
Of which he would soon grow tired.
He knew he could not impress her
With either dominion and strength
Nor kingly status and power.
He couldn't order her to love him
For that would not really be love
But simple obedience to him.
After much debate in his mind,
The prince resolved what he must do:
Leave his sovereignty behind.
He would win the fair maiden's heart
As one of her very own kind,
For he sought love that wouldn't depart.
Should he win at this risky chance
Being a serf without status
Who could make the maiden's heart dance.
Only then would he dare reveal
The secret of his royalty
That he would for a time conceal.
Author notes
I attempted to write this in tetrameter. I'm happy with the title and the point of the story (the underlying meaning) but not much else.
This is one I've wanted to write for some time, but never have attempted until now.
I would really welcome suggestions and comments . I may rewrite this sometime especially if I get lots of comments.
Written July 1st, 2004
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1 - 11 of 11
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hehe, nice
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Thank you. I've been hoping for a helpful suggestion.
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I, too, like the story and the title. I'd like to see this done as a triolet (with a slightly more complicated rhyme scheme - aba-bcb-cdc-dd etc) to give it greater continuity. Also: in stanza 13 - "impress". Nice work - keep at this one.
Scott
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Very profound, the love this prince has for this maiden. That he would leave what he has to win her heart, her love, and know that it is true. Not only well written, but has such depth.
Every day I live, I learn more deeply the great value of such a small word. -
awesome
melphleg... i can say only one thing... great poem. i liked this part After much debate in his mind,
The prince resolved what he must do:
Leave his sovereignty behind.
most guys do not want to give up anything for the girl he saw the sacrifice for true love -
I wonder where all the guys like that have gone. My favourite quote: "God(s) created men...so what happened to them?" I wish men like that did exit. But today its really hard to find a guy that would sacrifice everything for a girl. But I'm still hoping for the best
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Very good.
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Very intriguing write..I guess it could be taken more than one way...either way it is written beautifully..enjoyed this very much...thank you for sharing...
~~Kristy
Edited on Jul 02 because ''. -
Well this could be a fantasy piece, but you put it in the category of spiritual, so I'm guessing that this was a hidden metaphor, possibly for Jesus trying to win the heart of his bride- the people of the world, and how He had to become like us in order to win our hearts. I liked this. If I'm at all wrong, I guess I just like the idea of it being about that, of course the idea of it being about an enchanting fairytale isn't so bad either
-Abby Eyeball- -
Nice!
Nice poem, I can tell you've put a lot of work into it! Beautiful. -
I'm really loving this poem. You are creative and it's nice to know that you are using this incredible talent you possess (few people do, which is sad). Well keep up the good work and I'm pretty sure that others will know exactly how great and talented you are...and if they don't, I don't know why they come here. ! Heh heh! No, for real you are special and so is your poetry!
~Liadan
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