Hate this place
When will I get free
From the viselike grip
Of this ugly gray city
Some kind of release, please
Lost in tomorrow,
Can’t get through today
Ashes and asphalt
Steel and concrete structures
My world is turning gray
And fading
Drowning in thick cement
Other than the fact that I’m stuck,
Can’t think of a reason to stay
Lost in the ashes
Trapped in the past
This place is dead to me
Too many ghosts
Of things once loved.
Author notes
the exact opposite of Virginia, this is about the bane of my existence, Jacksonville, the biggest small town (and most boring city) in the USA. and the end is a lie, i can't think of anything i love here, its all ruined
Written June 30th, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Pretty dreary, I suggest you hop on a jet plane to St Thomas, VI.. its pretty there and it might inspire you . I liked the poem...
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excellent!
Well, well. I am glad to have had the reasoning to happen by this wonderful poem. So well-built and penned, you referring to the city as being gray scratched my fancy on just the right level. I was kept into the poem throughout the entire piece and never took a second to stop and say "what was that". You gave me a clear idea without leaving too much on the surface and nothing to the imagination. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my poems "nice cunt" and "moth of endothelioma", and on my collaboration with Slaughter, "pedals" as well. Your input and thoughts was much appreciated and I look foward to searching further into you work.
your friend,
Jaunty
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wow this was really really great, it captured that feeling of being all alone in a crappy place and wanting to escape, but not being able to
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I live in a crappy place too.
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This reminds me of how I felt when I was 19 and so desparately wanted to leave my hometown that I was about ready to do something stupid. I almost hitchhiked to Las Vegas with a friend but it never worked out. Good thing too because, naive as I was at that age, something bad would probably have happened to me. But don't let it overcome you. Your time there may seem like a prison sentence but when you finally leave you'll be glad you didn't let it get the best of you.
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Drowning in thick cement
Other than the fact that I’m stuck,
Can’t think of a reason to stay
Lost in the ashes
Trapped in the past
This place is dead to me
Too many ghosts
Of things once loved.
Well for you the place that makes you feel like shit is a larger city most likely, for me, it's the suburban town I grow up in called Huntsville, Alabama. Very good write, I can relate to that immensely. ~ Aaron -
That was bleak, but very good. You don't usually see those two words in the same sentence. What you descirbed there sounds like the city I live near. Someone once described my village as being like oral sex. You don't really want to go there, and its right next to a shit hole. But thats enough of that. Good poem, well done.
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I loved the ending.. I don't want to call it simply vivid, because that is what everyone else has said, but this piece did have some gorgeous imagery. The background you chose went perfectly with this piece. It totally sucks living in a place that you can't stand, that just reminds you of bad things at every corner you turn.. I like how you are begging for a release, describing how everything is just grey and dull. Beautiful write, and thank you for the nice comment on my poem as well
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this is a very vivid piece of work..
i enjoyed it very much -
wow that was good. really awesome job. you have alot of talent. you did such a good job with painting the picture in my head. greyness. i really enjoyed reading this.
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hey... jville is not that bad... besides i'm not gray, i'm tan! glad to have u back!
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Wow, awesome! You create the perfect dreary image in your words. Sounds like you need a holiday!
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Lol...
I really ejoyed the poem!
It's very vivid, I can pisture thsi in my mind!
Keep writing... And I'll continue reading!
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