again the moon
into my room creeps
in your absence
I find comfort
in her loyalty
Andrew Hide
28~06~2004
Author notes
Written June 28th, 2004
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1 - 17 of 17
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ah the moon so dependable there is a great sense of anticipation in this tanka as the poet watches "her" but the moon creeps into view but the longing is for the lover.. good juxt.. of absence and comfort so subtle is the irony
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Very nice. I like the way it provides an image without too many words. Thank You.
StarGrrl -
This is very lovely. I am having a bit of a flow problem with lines one and two - line two doesn't seem to flow as well to me, perhaps
again the moon
creeps into my room
maybe it is just me. eh. I like the visuals here
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Hmmmm - Yeah exactly. Why can't people be like that?
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Truly elegant
This is simply wonderful with subtle depth, and elegance! The moon is truly reliable. Reminds me of some lines from Leonard Cohen's song, "Sisters of Mercy". (That's a big compliment, too)
~ Gennelle
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well i see two different subjects... he says 'your absence' and 'her loyalty'... 'your' represents the second party (which may very well be the moon) and 'her' is the topic of conversation (which all so be the moon) i guess you could say... its a poetic inner diolague with the moon... and i can see that maybe the moon is new and its dark (the moon is absent) and the loyal one could be the one next to him in 'the room' (which i can only see as being a bedroom) and although it is dark the narrator can find comfort in the darkness because of her... i take back the mistress thing now that i have read it more intently...
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a beautiful write. But am I the only one that understands this to be about the loyalty of the moon , rather than a love poem to the one that is presently absent? You know , I have always been taught to think outside of the box....and hence this is the result
Regardless , right or wrong in my impression , I did appreciate the softness of the write 
Reenie
Edited on Jun 30, 8:53 because ''. -
The night she's gone. But Luna is there. In all her glory. In all your glory, literary wonders truly sprung from your pen. Exact emotion extracted, eh?... ahehe, I really liked this, keep it up, excellent, fantastic and such... wow... I mean, goddess... I like it!!
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From the heart
Nice work. I don't know how you capture all those emotions and so forth in 5 lines, but i think that only the best poets are able to do it, and you've done it nicely. Great work, a sensitive poem -
Its nice.
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Beautiful
Hi Andrew:
A lovely Tanka. Beautifully expressed to reflect the sad condition you have found yourself. Alone, with only the moon for comfort. What to do? LOL Nice job. Bill -
sounds like someone has a mistress... ooh la la... but yeah i do agree the moon has not failed us... but time will tell...
yeah... ...
Doug -
I love the idea of having "again" open the tanka. Interesting way to start it out. The moon recurring over and over for millions of years..... from dinosaurs, to Mozart, to you and I... the moon is always "again". Wow..... nice thought.... great poem.
Don -
Andrew.A lovely love poem you have written.I bet your dearest darling appreciates it.I have never wrttten a condsnsed Tanka.Must try.Thanks for the pleasure.Bill
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Hi Myron,
In answer to your question, yes
I didn't like the rhyme, on playing around with the words, I found I liked the subtleness with it this way, (although it does make it a little harder to read) I thought this way is was more fitting to the loneliness of night.
I always welcome your questions, they often set me on new paths, trucker-ku to follow soon.
Andrew -
i know very little, almost nothing about tanka, yet....so maybe i shouldn't even say anything, but i wonder why your second line is:
into my room creeps
instead of:
creeps into my room
is it because of the half-rhyme, that you felt the need to invert the line?
sorry to trouble you with this pesky little question...
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Nicely done Andrew!
This has a lot of trust in one's love of another spoken!
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