there’s no finer thing
than Joe’s supple fingers
pulling my heartstrings
~~~
there’s no finer thing
than Joe’s sinuous fingers
pulling my heartstrings
Author notes
I'm trying to decide which version I like better. Please vote and tell me your reason. All comments are welcome. Thank you... Patti
Written June 23rd, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Intersting
I like Number One
The supple fingers
Love this sweets
Hugs
Susan~~~
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i like the flow in the second poem but if what the above comment says is true i guess i know nothing, i always though of sinewous being kinda smothly strong, course i learned my voc from reading books instead of dictionarys so i guess at all my word meanings. Im also glad u have urself some one to love so much. Its always nice
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I think I prefer supple in the first one. Supple means "lithe, pliant, agile, limber, adaptable". Sinuous refers to "serpentine, crooked, winding or wiggly".
Which kind of fingers would you rather have pulling on your whatever?
Great image, though, in your senryu. -
Interesting how you captured the feeling in such a short verse. I liked the way you described the fingers and the heartstrings.. it made me think of how my heartstrings are pulled by someone I feel for.
Prysmatyk -
In my opinion “sinuous” sounds better (unstressed)… this is brilliant senryu, thanx for sharing...
mina
Edited on Jun 23, 10:37 because 'typo'. -
Now I'm thinking "sensuous fingers" I think maybe that describes my Joe better. I may have to write a poem using all three words. LOL
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Thanks I do that all the time, my fingers just want to type the "e" and I forget to double check. I'll have to think about your other suggestion. But I may do it. because that was my first inclination... but upon refelection it just seemed really abrupt and not like fingers flowing over a body. Sigh. Patti
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I think sinuous works better - supple just doesn't seem to describe a man's fingers as well. Nice senryu, but I would leave out "there's", too.
Scott
Edited on Jun 23, 10:22 because ''. -
Wonderful
I loved this poem. Short, but the few words brought across the emotion completely! Wonderful!
Luv Niky xx
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Interesting. I usually think of Haiku's being about nature. This one was a little more profound than that - a romantic piece with a nice metaphor
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Sinous is a little more, well, bodily. Supple is sensual and focuses on movement. Have to laugh at the man's name, LOL. This could easily be written by me
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