.
Awakend treasured memories of bliss
there is nothing to compare our love to.
I shan't forget the joy of our first kiss
as well, the timeless hour we said I do.
You brought me up to heaven's highest place,
and gentle comfort deep inside my soul.
Your thoughtful actions;expressions of grace
with your abiding love I feel whole.
We've travelled many rough and winding days
marvelled by a breathtaking sense of life
dazed by the games life's joker likes to play
through it all I am glad to be your wife.
Soaring above our steadfast hearts took hold
a life of love and loyalty untold
.
Author notes
Written June 19th, 2004
'Color me Shutter-Tone Deaf'
option 1
In a list
A contest entry
- Love Thats Never ending by Praise his name.
300 points, ended March 17, 2005, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Muse of an Ember Sketch by PaintedParisPassion.
700 points, ended February 17, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Outstanding
This poem is sophisticated with a wonderful simplicity. You espress your emotions very well and in a positive way. This sonnet is well written and I thought it flowed very well.
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oh, big wet snog there in the pic! (Harry Potter lingo there...) A silver-trophy piece I see... I picked a sonnet to read because they are hit-or-miss as to being 'good' or not- most people ignore all rhythm, though it is possible (and it is essential when I write them!) OK, what would be my male reaction- mushy? Overly sentimental? Now, if I already knew you, I'd be thinking that you wrote it for me! (and any male who does already know you- guaranteed that's what they were all thinking!) So, let me begin reading before I use up all the words in the universe here... wow- noticed it was written 3 years ago- but that is no excuse- you've had 3 years to tweak it! (and I find that comments and even silent views spur me to go over a piece again- asking myself 'why didn't it get gushing reviews?' then I go 'chink chink chink...' Ok, now to read... first line I counted the syllables on my fingers- counted 10, so in iambic pentameter it should be throughout (though in modern day it is increasingly OK to wiggle out of the straight-jacket here and there...) then I checked the ABAB CDCD EFEF GG- seems to be in order... ten syllables in the second line, now I can relax and become immersed in your thoughts and images... oop- tech note- 'awakened' in first line and a few extra spaces here and there... I see you're using 'hour' as one syllable... if it doesn't affect the flow, it's OK by everyone but the snootiest of critics...! as for your subject matter- love- true, there is nothing to compare to it, and the first kiss- usually complete bliss, unless both are practical functional types, then it's mechanical! Now that 'I Do' thing- it's kind of anti-climactic these days... everybody 'being together' fo so long first... now the second stanza seems to go more in a spiritual direction... but the 'wife' brings it back down to earth... now reading the last two lines I would have titled this "Something to Dream For", for that is quite elusive for many... well, are you a poet because you wrote a sonnet? Only if you are nothing else! (I just spontaneously came up with that quip- I think I'll make it a new quote! See, we do get things out of commenting!) Well, enough smiles out of me, I'm really just a grumpy sourpuss...
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Duana. Duana, Duana, Duana. Last I checked, your userpage said something about you not being a poet. Then - if I remember correctly - you babbled on about why you aren't a poet. A long time ago I challenged the notion. I'm about to do it again.
This was fantastic. Honestly, I had no clue that you tried your hand at a sonnet. I knew that you were capable of it.
I think that a few people mentioned that the meter is off; it is, but only in a couple places.
The last line of the first stanza was well presented. For me, the "as well" was perfect to set the line off with.
In your heroic couplet, the first line was awesome. I say that because you mixed the meter so comfortably. Haha, you have no clue how excited I got with that. I'm such a dork.
You're a poet. You don't have to be William Shakespeare, you know. Perhaps you don't devote the time or effort you'd like to devote - big deal. Some poets can't think over it too much; it's an "in the moment" sort of deal. Sometimes, it's like that for me. Anyway, if there's an ounce of a poet in me - I assure you - you are one amongst the word-weavers.
- Corey
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you are so sweet
Yeah I have 'attempted' a few sonnets. You will have to route through all my poetry and find them, haha. Well, since I am learning to take people at face value, and you do have expertise in this area, perhaps you are right. But I bet there are as many theories out there debating what constitutes a 'real poet' as there are theology! thanks for your vote of confidence.
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I would look pretty stupid clapping in the middle of my class but had I not been sitting here, at a desk in the middle of twenty some people that's exactly what I would be doing, clapping. Your poem is absolutely beautiful. I liked it all, every part of it is equally as amazing as the others, however one that stood out for some reason was,
'We've travelled many rough and winding days
marvelled by a breathtaking sense of life
dazed by the games life's joker likes to play
through it all I am glad to be your wife.' It just grabbed at me. Thank you so much for entering The meaning of Love and Loyalty. Good luck in my sister's contest. -
Beautiful
simply amazing, the emotions stored up in the words is overwhelming. I can tell it's really special.Thank you for enering the contest and good luck
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Beautifuly done Duana, shows the happiness you and your sweetheart have together as one. Classy like and like a waltz. Dancing upon your alls feet in the blessings of love. Sherry~
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I'm not really a fan of love poems, as I'm only twelve and haven't experienced that wonderful emotion yet...but I adore sonnets, so I figured this would be an excellent poem to read. I was right!
This is beautiful...the rhyme is very good, and though the meter is off in a few places, (as you said in your author comments) it didn't distract from the overall feeling of this poem. I especially like the third stanza
This is much better than any sonnet I could write- an elegant poem full of love and happiness. Very well written.
Thank you very much for your comment on my poem. I appreciate your time.
-Emily
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Hi I loved the way you intermixed Shakespear to write this. It's too bad you missed the contest
I will be sure to put this on my author page though, along with the others. It was very sweet of you to do this! I was amazed that you had used my favorite sonnet- lol- didn't think about you reading my author page!
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You quoted my favorite sonnet of Shakespears! Now if only I could write like that
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Promise ... sing
Sonnet LXXXVII
So no Farewell ! You are in ALL possessing,
A talent true, who’d doubt your estimate !
Nor should my spirit so unprepossessing
Gain admittance as your word(l)y mate.
Too rich your soul, too rich for my deserving,
Only your grace provides the worth I'm wanting,
Dream’s licence patently through you seems swerving,
Uncaging care - should honours of my granting
And vows unspoken, hopes, prove unmistaken ?
None who your birthday greet could ape your worth ?
Allow grey cells to stimulate rebirth -
DUst gold can plant tale told, Man’s nightmare waken !
Asleep I seemed as king who dreamed of you -
NAmed game or fancies' (s)wing ? – here both ring true ?
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Bless You. This is incredible...he he he
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Wow all I can say is you did wonderful on this one it makes me think of my b/f and future hubby aakb9669.
Wonderful write.
God bless
mary -
wow, I'll take that as a compliment. Please let me know the piece when you write it.
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i found this a truely beautiful piece. it has inspired me for my next piece
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awesome
This poem was absolutly beautiful, It actually made me think and realize just how important love really is. Let me go one to say that your and excellent writter and I cant wait to read more of your work. I hope you will read my work as well. I know I'm not as good as you but who's counting anyway. -
As I read a poem, I normally pay attention at the content and not to the strict form. I see no point to write a perfect form when the poem is 'empty' of feelings. Of course to combine the two is the best, but still don't understand why most of the people look only for the form and forget the content
Anyway, I loved this poem and what a beautiful present to your husband!
Kisses,
Mari
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A good sonnet, the photograph gives added light. Not many in this day and age speak so of love and marriage, it is nice to see someone welcome the vows.
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Excellent
This is a beautiful poem! I think you did an excellent job with writing this. I enjoyed it very much I haven't tried the sonnet form yet, but this poem sure make me want to. Take care Duana, and many more writes to you!
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my favorite lines are the closing couplet. it has the most shakesperian feel to it.
the rest of the poem didn't actually draw me in much, partly because it consists almost entirely of direct statements without the use of any supporting visual/sensual figures (also called "imagery"), but also partly because the meter was inconsistent to my scansion.
good attempt at a sonnet though. -
aww this is gorgeous hmn i fell lonely meh this is gorgeous poem and its nice to hear from someone who is happily married. this poem flowed so beautifully and the words gave me a nice feeling inside. thanks for this feeling i hvae inside me now i hope it dont fade away for a while.he fun with your beautiful wife and keep it up with the godd shit...b3l
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Hi. The reason I never changed the iambics is because my husband begged me not to change it. He wanted it as I gave it to him- rough and all. You do remember this, because this is how we got aquainted. i wrote this way way way before I new anything about sonnets!
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very very very good i enjoied the part that said You brought me up to heaven's highest place,
and gentle comfort deep inside my soul.
Your thoughtful actions;expressions of grace
with your abiding love I feel whole.
very amazing! keep on going with it!
kT -
Good work
I think you have beautiful sentiments and rhymes. I think I saw this touching poem a few weeks ago, and even in its rough condition, it is beautiful.
Lines 2, 8 and 13 and stanza 3 stand out as needing work on the iambic pentameter. I'm sure you will get it, the rest is great.
Edited on Aug 19, 3:37 p.m. because 'correction'. -
I love the content of this piece very much. You speak the truth of love from its inception with a first kiss to enduring hard times and remaining loyal.
The structure of the sonnet seems intact. I had some problems with the iambic sound, but I'm mostly da DUM deaf.
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What can I say? This is a truly superb piece of writing!! True love.. not that fading, mushy feeling we get and then make promises...but DEDICATION...unrelenting, undying. This is stellar.
You capture it well.
Gob bless you 2. -
You know now that I have read it again a couple hours later I see that this is really a nice poem and even though your meter is off it looks like you tried really hard to get the meter right and in a few places your meter does flow well
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The only problem I see with this poem is the meter, and you know that its off but it is nice poem otherwise . . . I know its hard to write in pentameter if you could research it a little online you'd probably be a lot better even though learning it is a tone easier when some one is personally teaching you good luch with that
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this was really awesome... and looking at all the poeple that aplaused this peice... they thought so too ... and i really liked these lines:
Soaring above our steadfast hearts took hold
a life of love and loyalty untold
anyways thanks for entering!
~`Sara`~ -
gorgeous! and it's good to read something so joyful on this site, those poems tend to be few and far between... love it!
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Real Love!
Sorry it took me a while to get around to this one, but what a joy! Truly lovely job. Whatever little 'fix-its' you may wish to tweak, the content and subject is so wonderful and beautifully expressed.
I just wondered if perhaps, 'We've travelled many rough and winding ways', might read better. Also, "marvelled by", in the next line seemed to call for 'marvelled at (or 'in') our breathtaking sense of life'. (btw, 'breathtaking' is all one word).
Gorgeous poem!
~ G
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work in progress- exactly what it is. i am enrolled in a Sonnet Class- so I figure I will wait to make the changes after I learn a few things from that class. This was my first attempt- so I am proud of it! Thanks for your wonderful comment!
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Walked into the garden with this one, an inspiring piece of love.
I think given it is a work in progress it should be rather good when finished.
J -
You are so right firechild- we have something in common. Some people called this piece a fairy tale scratches head- this kind of love takes work, and little bit longer attention span than unfortunately most people in our microwave age do not have.
Thanks for the comment. I am going to go read some of your stuff now! -
This is simply too Carl Jung!
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Funny thing is- I don't even know how to do an angel,lol --> hahaha... and i don't know how to make an angel emoticon! lol .. The line did a joke on you hehehe ..
And you are right, that line sure can be a fountain of inspiration. hmmmmmmm.... *falling into a ponderous mood* -
Funny thing is- I don't even know how to do an angel,lol
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Okay pepperella-cryptic comment just for you- this is just too funny to pass up commenting on. I put a smiling face(that was my intention)- to indicate i loved the line too- "dazed by the games life's joker likes to play'- and look what shows up...an angel(of light, of course)! That is too funny!
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mine to
That lines says A LOT! Trust me. I could probably get a million cryptic poems out of that one line alone!
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I don't care much about meters, so it's inconsequential to me if the meter is of...
You poured out your whole heart into this, girl It's nothing like your usual cryptic poems but I love the feel of romance in this!
"dazed by the games life's joker likes to play" --> my favorite line...
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with your abiding love I feel whole.
We've travelled many rough and winding days
marvelled by a breath taking sense of life
dazed by the games life's joker likes to play
through it all I am glad to be your wife.
god this was beautiful....the reason i copy and pasted is because i feel this the most.I live it everyday and i know how hard it is sometimes.....
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breathtaking
awww you've totally captured the romance of a sonnett and the highest high of a happy relationship! this is a masterpiece.. very nicely written, eloquent, charming, and straight from your soul. magnificent! im very happy for your happiness. all we need is love hehe. take care, now
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Well done on the poem! Beautifully written! I was sure i wrote a comment on it before.. but it seems to have disappeared Good luck with the writing
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Hmm I must say it's simply put but in a very gorgeous way with your words. Sonnets are always fun to write, especially if they are about someone you care deeply for.
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Being happy does something tremendously to your life, doesn't it? It radiated from your words. Take care,
Rage -
great
great poem. i totally enjoyed it. it makes me think of my girlfriend and how much i love her. thank you so much. this totally touched my heart. great -
I came back! & still lovin' it...swan
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excellent!
Lovely comments of your feelings for your loved one! -
An endearing write for that someone special. A lot oftender words andemotions spill forth. God bless you
Rose
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Beautiful
Hi,
I loves Sonnets and this one is one of them. I love the imagery of this. You speak of love in such a beautiful way...soft and gentle, yet powerful and strong. The entire write is touching and the couplet sums it all up. Absolutely lovely. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your lovely comment on my write.
---Johnny -
oh my goodness this is amazing...love can do many things, especially inspire us to write beautiful poetry like this. It took my breath away. Great job, and keep up the beautiful work, you could really go far with this.
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Thank you sufergirl!! I haven't promoted this(only once I think), and so the while the stakes were low..." Thanks for commenting again. I am glad you liked it so much!(I still haven't done my revisions but I will let you know when I do with an im).
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I already had read this and commented on it, but I still like it and enjoyed reading it again!
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You brought me up to heaven's highest place,
and gentle comfort deep inside my soul.
Your thoughtful actions;expressions of grace
with your abiding love I feel whole.
that part was my absolute favorite, it was just sooo incredibly sweet...great job and thanks for entering...good luck
christina -
Indeed a hopeful poem, which can be a light for all those readers suffering from marriages that went astray. I am not at all surprised at all the cheers here - people need to be uplifted and for that poetry is an excellent therapy.
Well done, Duana.
Myra -
This is pretty good. Love is a very beautiful thing to have in your heart and to then write the feelings down in a good way is worth a smile.
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I really enjoy sonnets, wish that I could write them myself! Nice piece. If it were my choice, I'd "applaud this" more than once! Good job!
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BEAUTIFULL POEM
AWW , THIS was such a lovely piece , I really enjoyed it ,thanks for sharing , you got my applause aswell you deserve it , great work , MARY
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In my opinion sonnet is the most difficult poetry format one can write... I give you 10/10 for this... and as for the poem... it says it all, your love and your true feeling for your partner.... an excellent job... thanx for sharing...
mina -
This is very pretty, as you mentioned that there are a few spots where the meter isn't completely accurate but I give you 4*s for the effort, I couldn't write a sonnet to save my life!! Good Job
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great write
loved it !!!
todays my parents wedding aniversary and am sure this just how my mom feels so i am going to email this poem to my dad (he is out of town) on my mothers behalf !!
thanks for sharing
lekha
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Great Poem
This is one of the best written sonnets i have ever seen. I love the way this is written. Also how you show how devoted you are to your husband. it is great -
You can always tell when a poet writes from the heart, because it will always touch another heart. This masterpiece does that!
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That means so much coming from you. Thank you!
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This was wonderful...beautifully worded...perhaps the best work ive seen from you so far...you seem to follow form well...i commend you on that...it is easy to formulate feeling you know well...you have done well here
keep up the good work
dark search -
Sorry about that; I wasn’t thinking. My husband had back surgery two weeks ago to remove an infection caused by some debris that a doctor who did back surgery on him 8 weeks ago left in. He has to take antibiotics by IV twice a day; it works out to between 6 and 7 hours that he’s hooked up. That’s what he’s doing now. Drip, drip, drip. I always take a quick break shortly after I hook him up. We’re praying that this works and we can finally take the honeymoon we had to cancel because he was in so much pain. OK so we may have to take a shorter, cheaper honeymoon; because of medical expenses, but we need a few days to get away and enjoy ourselves. He’s still in a lot of pain, but it seems to be getting better (little by little) everyday. Anyway that’s the short version. If you want to read a little long version look at my contest “help me get out of my funk.” I’m still hoping for a few more entries. Especially one that celebrates my love for Joe. I enjoyed your poem, because it reminded me so much of that love. Patti
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Quaint and romantic. You inspire me to try a sonnet. "I shan't forget the joy of our first kiss" is my favorite. I get tired of reading or writing about first kisses because everything seems to have already been done. You made it simple and moving.
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That was amazing - I'm horrible at form poetry, but you did it beautifully.
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Angelaseeker- your comment was a bit cryptic. I will have to go to your page to see if it gives me any clues. But thanks for your comment, and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
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I don't think it will be better But to make it 'correct' meter I have to change it. I just hope the spirit of it doesn't go out of it...that is what I felt like when I did my first draft.
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This is a beautifully worded and rhymed Sonnet.A love poem to be very proud of.I wonder if your finished piece would be better.Keep the talented ink flowing.
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beautiful sentiment and content. expressed your love and gratitude for your marrige so elegantly. the beauty of what you say in this piece is amazing.
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I am glad you noticed that word. I chose it carefully. Simple word, but one that really fits my husband, and sadly as you say turns many men off. It is nice to know that there are people out htere who still see relationships in terms of loyalty.
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Wow this is very beautiful!!! I love the last line, especially the word loyalty. So many men hate that word!! You sound like you have a great relationship. Wonderful write!
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It was so beautiful! I LOVE it! It's touching and I will read it over and over agian. It's such a great, I mean GREAT poem!!
It's a masterpeice, and I bet it will someday show up on wedding cards!
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I know just how you feel. Love. Sigh. I think I'll go spend a little time with my husband. Today is our one month anniversary. Since I just unhooked him from his IV I guess this is a good time to cuddle. Thanks for sharing. Patti
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great piece. i hope that everything works out in the end. i love this poem because its happy and im sad soo thanks for cheering me up!
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Wow this was really awesome it was very very well written! I loved the words like "shan't" creative yet not corny! It was awesome! keep up the writing! cant wait to read more of your works!
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awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! This is such a sweet and beautiful poem. It's also very positive. Your positive and happy feelings are captured very well in this poem. Your rhyming very nicely, and your words aren't taken lightly at all! Thanks for posting this. It is really nice. Love is so sweet. Hope everything works out for you...
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Awe, this is so sweet, I love reading of love, and penning on it as well! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, heehee!
I thank you for sharing, and what a great write! Everything flowed really good, and I'm glad you posted it!
Laters!
-Timothy
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Thank you....wish you could see the sweet smile you put on my face.
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beautifully written
this was incredibly beautiful.. it practically left me speechless. I especially liked the part "with your abiding love I feel whole". I ADORE love poems, and this is (by far) one of the best I have read. awesome job!
~lost love -
Loved it!
I liked it, You should Definitely keep writing! -
Great piece. I like it a lot. I don't know what else to say. You have a wonderful night and God bless you too. Keep on rolling. It was a pleasure to read
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This is a great piece you have hear. It is dope. I enjoyed it very much so. Keep up the wonderful job. You have a bless day and may God continue to give you the words to write. I thank you for sharing....
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aw. Your comment made ME cry
Don't give up on love! The future holds many wonderful things!
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I really enjoyed your poem.. Your line "dazed by the games life's joker likes to play" was really neat.. Thanks for sharing.. Keep up the good work..
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Wonderful
This is very lovely..a picture of Undying love with its promise...well...i wihs i can have that feeling again..I envy you for having to feel that
Wonderful piece...and the meter is good..thanks for sharing this love-filled poem......
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Very Good
A nice lovely poem showing loyalties and love. It was a very nice read and will stick in my mind. Thanks for sharing.....
Georges -
This is another lovely write you have written..beautifully worded..I love the second stanza..excellent job..great imagery as well..I enjoyed this very much..thank you for sharing and again thank you for your kind comments..I always appreciate it...
~~Kristy -
You have some really nice lines in here and your iambic pentameter is good in most places. Lines 2, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12 need work - but I am so glad to see how willing you are to try new forms...your attitude will take you far.
Scott
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Duana...magnificent...didn't have time to read prior comments, but 2 minor edits: traveled & marveled (1 L in each)...other than that, I wouldn't change a thing...your husband is very lucky (and so are you, from the sentiments of this poem alone!) I've added a few to my collection & I'm trying to get more in tonight if possible...write on, Poet!
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Wow. Its gorgeous. Doesnt seem iambic to me, but i love the way it flows together. Its gorgeous.
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aaawww Duana I must say a truelly stunning piece. It was so beautiful and romantic. Excellent job. You have a terrific talent.keep up the outstaanding masterpieces.
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I ma sl glad to know that this is being recieved well. It was my first attemtp with a sonnet...so a little unsure of myself...
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This is very nicely done...refreshing to read and lovely!
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It's very gooey and kind of exclusive in a poetic sense for who you wrote it for. I read it as it was maybe intended to get people to feel romantic. It's sweet but my palate knows only the sour aftertaste of love.
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Exquisite!
This is incredibly beautiful! More please! -
Truly beautiful!
Very sweet.
It flows nicely
Well written, i enjoyed this very much
Thanks for sharing!
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