Tomorrow is my fortieth birthday.
With a heaviness of heart, I despair.
Questions without answers swirl in my brain;
Many of which I detest and disdain.
I've painted a canvas of melancholy blue,
Tainted with the green of envy,
Cracked with the yellow of fear,
Soiled with the red of blood and tears
Of roads which I've traveled upon in my journey
Of mountains climbed and fortunes made
Always paying particular attention to
All the subtle and ever changing hues.
I tried to create life in the dead,
Breathing and bleeding into every soul.
And now I am so very weary of it all
Have I missed the target or not heard the call?
I survey the landscape of the life I've led,
And the portraits of faces of lives I've touched.
So I find one is the still loneliest number
For at the end, I am alone in my slumber.
Author notes
"I have written my memoirs- but omitted all the really consequential & important parts- from deference to the dead- to the living- and to those who must be both." ~ Lord Byron
I researched this quote and found it is part of an entry in Lord Bryon's journal. As I read the entry, I found the I could relate to the laments and melancholy feelings as he examined his life and his purpose. This was the inspiration for my poem. "Tomorrow" is only a metaphor. As I approach 40, I, like Lord Bryon, am examining my life. This poem is very, very personal. I actually used all four words "particular", "create," "target" and "fortune" except I used the plural "fortunes". With the exception of the need to use the plural "fortunes", all the words almost naturally fit into the poem and really helped me in its development. I often find when I restrict my poems to a certain pattern or theme that it helps focus the poem and the words. Such was the case in needing to use these words.
I'm glad I took the challenge to write for this contest. I have already been rewarded by the process of reflection and the writing these words.
Written June 17th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- 1000 POINT CONTEST: Inspirations & Interpretations by Faded.
1000 points, ended June 23, 2004, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Thank you. I did enjoy the contest. I'm also impressed that people, like yourself, could understand and relate since it turned out to be very personal. It's a side of me that I don't often write about (at least not lately). Most of my poems are more positive and upbeat. This took a different direction from my usual.
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Firstly, I must say that I'm impressed wth your initiative to research your quote and then... to not let that force your direction. I'm also impressed and slightly stunned that you managed to write such a personal poem from it.
I loved the second stanza for its use of colour to portray emotion. I also particularly loved the final line:
"For at the end, I am alone in my slumber. "
It draws out the wearied nature of the poem and casts shadows of lonliness upon it.
I enjoyed reading your poem and I hope that you enjoyed participating in my contest.
~Faded
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Well...this is a very sad piece. For me, i could let myself drown in the what if's and what never was...instead i choose to look (even when i need to look VERY closely...lol) at those things that ARE and CAN BE. It is all about hope...and never knowing what beauty tomorrow may offer.
I enjoyed the introspection of this piece. Good luck to you in the contest!
UB
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A lifetime is made of seconds, moments, days but also of sweetness, memories and of beginnings and ends. It is however difficult at times to know which is the beginning and which is the end ... and so we live on and smile. Nicely written. Thank you. Maria
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i like how you can describe how you would paint a picture of your life so far. this is a great poem that expresses what you've been through and how you feel about it all. i loved this a lot and i wish you good luck in the contest!
~Thyme
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I really liked this one. It is always important that poets reflect upon their lives. When we reach 40; I believe, that we begin to realize that opportunities we have missed are less likely to give us a second chance. But we need to focus on the chances we still have instead of the ones that have bypassed us. At this age blessings mean more to us… Love is more worth working for, and not just something we expect to work for us. At least that’s the way I feel. After all how many more chances am I going to get to get it right. I’m trying to make the best of what’s left of my dreams, children are less likely to bless my life at my age and to tell the truth that hurts more then anything I’ve lost or any opportunity I’ve missed. But even so, I won’t give up. Not until the very last. I hope you keep reaching for your dreams too. Patti
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soulful reseached poem!!
must agree this is so sad may you find brightest in my sky painting poem and you sure done alot of reseach to put this together hope by sharing it lightens the load
to you
Love and peace be with you
~~Pauline -
Had to click - I'm an arty person! I often wonder what my life would look like if I could paint it, and I've decided that the painting would never be finished, because my view of my life would change continously with my mood. Anyway, back to your poem...I especially like all the colour in the second verse! Great poem!
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great
They say happiness is a warm bullet
Playing russian roulette with an automatic
and everything beautiful dies
this, and the entire thing, are so incredible, theres so much feeling in it its just like, ahh just do us a favor and keep writing i really liked this one a lot -
Life like a painting - seems so indelible. Especially at times when roads need to change or pasts need to be erased, I'd like a little more watercolor wash than what I see within your write.
What I feel, is a melancholy view of all the uns - unfulfilleds, unchosens, undones. At times of reflection, that is the weight that inevitably brings us all down, if even only for a bit.
Well expressed.
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a deep and inspirational message you have penned here..one must ponder upon it all and the canvas of life can indeed be in many hues...freda
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Selfreflection is a wonderful thing and I personally believe it should be done with great depth every 10 years after the age of 30. That way we can examine a decade at a time and see if changes need to be made in the next one , what was good , what was bad and what was in between. You did an excellent job with this and I wish you the best of luck in the contest ,
Reenie
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This was very nice. The flow seemed a little off in places but the wor usage and meanings were perfect. I myself wil turn 42 this tear and sometimes it is sad to look back on your life and see what has gone wrong but also very rewarding when you see what has gone right.
Edited on Jun 18, 7:37 because 'Somehow I screwed up!!'. -
aww this is soooo sad!
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