It would be unseemly
I say
with her hair in disarray
staring in dismay
at her shattered fingernail.
Such moisture
as I would dislodge
an accident,
just chance.
A law that bodies
would obey
given time
and proper loathing
a happenstance
of wagging tongues.
I bury my heart
in her hand and wait
certain of failure.
Lisa says
I should not be so crude
that I should
bury my words
underneath it all
and not my heart;
once loved
all will be revealed
the sacred and profane
Lisa says.
As I understand it
though,
the lovers will call out colors
in the dark
and all their sins will be displayed.
Author notes
Written June 17th, 2004
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Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very painful but I have been there. You managed to make such a dark ugly thing seems so elegant and masked. Sad but beautiful.
Wonderfully penned.
Love Linzi -
very good
an unspeakable truth
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I was alittle confused at first but once i got to reading it I really liked it alot, infact it was amazing all in all this was a very well written poem.
Much Love 2ya
UnderSTAR
Edited on Oct 05, 10:58 p.m. because 'to remove spam'. -
Eveything fit to me, and I liked this poem alot...maybe I've got a good imagination, or pieces of this spoke out and gave me a vision, but whatever it is, I felt it....great work !!!
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scrumptious
i thought the metaphor that he smashed her finger by accident while they were in bed and then he is trying to console her. -
I ma confused. I feel the whole nail thing doesn't belong here. I KNOW there could have been a bettor metaphor helping you explain the importance of not speaking love.
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good
unusual,I thought it was good...very mysterious...a strange love -
wow, that was amazing. I have no words to describe what's on my brain after reading it but that was a beautiful piece of work...well done! Peace, Angelus
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mmm. I reaaaally enjoyed this, and i must admit, i didn't expect to.... i thought you were going to go all wishy washy on me.... but you didn't mot at all. this poem did a similiar thing to me as chocolate cake, very rich, very tasty, and parts of it will stay with me forever. except in a good way, unlike chocolate cake. god, i'm rambling, i'm sorry, i was just trying to say that i enjoyed your poem more than cake. i am a little drunk. i will go away now...
all the best, fay.... -
belongs in lisa collection .. -
I saved this one for today. Stretching them out as who knows when you'll magically reappear. Well first it has messy hair .. which most likely means I'll probably love it. probably on a pillow too .. Oh that moisture / dislodge line is intense and the fingernail I recognize that nail yes I do. What is up with certain failure and loathsome? Geeze bugs me. Not just the WORD Love showing everything though. I think it is the place LOVE. I think that is what your Lisa is saying. Hm. Interesting, Lisa telling you stuff again.
CvilleLisa thinks LOVE is in the middle. There it can be sacred and profane and everything in between cause there's room. Okay. Enough philosphy.
but it was my turn I think. Hey, it's Lisa that also probably means I'm happy reading it...
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Lute kissed the girl and made her cry...gave her his heart, she squeezed it in the pulpy centre of her hand and demanded words instead - a heart denied and the words accepted are empty and full of bright colors, all at the same time, and they paint mirrors on the wall so lovers can see themselves bent of limb and caught in an act they never put their souls into.
Words are just words but the word love will show us everything...or so Lisa says.
Edited on Jun 19, 7:15 p.m. because ''. -
well i read this too-and honestly hun i didn't get it too well either. it's well writen and the rhyme scheme rocks but i didn't really know what you were trying to say. i'm sorry i hate leaving bad comments-not that the poems bad i just didn't get it.
don't hate me!
*Pandora* -
Call me dimbwitted and blonde this morning. I know you are trying to say something quite deep with this , but for some reason it is not sinking into my wee brain. I think I will dwell on it abit and maybe get part of the message at least . I do apologise that I cannot critique it one way or the other , but I thought it would be better to be honest than to pretend that I thought it was great. I am not saying that it is not , just that I cannot judge right now
Reenie
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