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Mother (Villanelle/Definition)

 

 

 

 

Her silver hair reflects her age and wisdom,
Knowledge acquired along the years of her life.
Enlightenment in days lived to see emotions to blossom;

Seeds she made flourish from spring to autumn.
Seasons of falls leave a sign - grey color begins to shine.
Her silver hair reflects her age and wisdom.

Words of experience she shares with affection,
Tender and loving thoughts spread in time,
Enlightenment in days lived to see emotions to blossom.

New lives in her garden of love have grown,
Children became adults, they are her prize.
Her silver hair reflects her age and wisdom.

Gathered useful information, she passes as a drum
With loud sound of an understanding, so wise!
Enlightenment in days lived to see emotions to blossom.

With open flowers in her  life, she'll never be lonesome;
Solitary, sometimes by choice, for her thoughts to stylize.
Her silver hair reflects her age and wisdom,
Enlightenment in days lived to see emotions to blossom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

This entry is dedicated to John (macandrew) who taught me how to write villanelles and triolets and he has also created the 'definition' form. Thanks John!
allpoetry.com/poet/macandrew

I read and commented on those:
allpoetry.com/poem/894296 Topaz135

allpoetry.com/Poem/893506 MargaretG

Villanelle/Definition...a villanelle where every last word of every line is defined on the follow lines. Haven't seen this mixed form written by anyone else, yet
Written June 17th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 46 of 46

  • Yemassee gold member
    April 10

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    Wow, look at PassionsPromise's face image, wow, lol
    That was worth coming here just to see that!

    Ok, I of course remember this one about your mom. I've always felt bad that you are away from your family. Of course you've created your own, and is it scary to think, that in a few years when your kids get married and have kids...you'll be your mom. Scary huh.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is simply beautiful.
    indeed glad I came across it in a villanelle contest
    powerful well defined...
    loved it


    Passionspromise


  • Peteskid gold member
    December 28, 2007

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    a wonderful form here, such an opportunity to bring out the points of importance with the definition following... so very nice; so much expression here n this adoring poem for a wonderful mother....excellent...PK


  • Sir Ima Cucumber
    September 28, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Mothers are just about everything, well most are. May Tom and Tess one day write something this beautiful for you. If not, whack them with a pointy stick!

  • Yemassee gold member
    May 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    My mom's hair is still about 60% dark brown.

    The perfect poem to read since tomorrow is Mother's Day! Nope, I never read this before...well not as Yem, and I'm glad I save it for now. Like I said as Ima, it's your feelings toward others that help me see you...and I love you because of these things.

    Happy Mother's Day Mariza, tell Tess and Tom you want a big present!

    #5000!!!


  • individuality gold member
    March 9, 2006
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    this is one i will ahve to try one time with the defiantion, i remember this sort of from awhile back but didn't get to writing one. a beautiful piece here

  • Sir Ima Cucumber
    June 21, 2005
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    Ah your feisty mom! I love you because you love your mom! Yes, it's that simple! You fall for a woman for a lot of reasons and one is how she treats her mom!


  • Mari Goes gold member
    December 2, 2004
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    Thanks Renee! I'm just busy writing a new one using the same form, what a headache!


  • poetryality silver member
    December 2, 2004
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    What a beautiful tribute to an outstanding poet. In form, content, style, flow, and adulation you give honor, and justice to the work of a writer. This is something that should be penned more often. This is a wondrous illustration of how the mind readily adheres to the task! Great job! What a relic!


  • Samplette gold member
    November 30, 2004
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    This is amazing...seems so easy, but I can see it so difficult at the same time. Very skillfully done. Beautiful work.
    Sam


  • cake
    November 25, 2004
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    Nice, villanelles are rather difficult for myself but it is perfect for your intent. There something very solid and robust in this poem defenetely a sense of consistency and permanence.
    Auguri. cake


  • sanity
    November 22, 2004
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    This is a wonderful read, so brilliantly crafted, you have a wonderful talent my friend..........Thanks for the pleasurable read, I will endeavour to try to write one of these although my patience at the moment is quite tight..............Thanks for sharing

    take care

    sanity

  • Mari Goes gold member
    November 19, 2004
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    Thanks Gregg! To write a villanelle isn't so difficult, maybe that is because I do like to write in that form
    To write a villanelle/definition, that was hard. It requires a lot of patience and that is something that I only have once in a while I can offer you some help if you need, however the 'expert' in villanelles is macandrew.
    Thanks again


  • lordoftherings gold member
    November 19, 2004
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    Montréal Standing Ovation

    I have still yet to tackle this form of poetry, I have written one in my life and have never attempted it again. Not only do you have the repitious line throughout and then having to bring the four lines together in the last stanza, you still have to make sure the whole poem is coherent and flows together--which is something that I was frustrated over and never attempted it again. I applaud you for even writing one and double applaud you for making it understable and flowing Perhaps you can mentor me in writing one of these because I am totally exasperated from penning Sonnets. Gregg


  • J Rhys Davies
    November 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    You did a lovely job with this. I myself have been dabbling with different forms lately and have taken a liking to them. I am sure John is proud of your accomplishment with this.

    ~ John


  • macandrew
    November 15, 2004
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    wonderful

    As always a real treat to read one of yours. Your near-rhymes really make this poem great.

    Extremely well done.
    John


  • leo2
    November 14, 2004
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    Beautiful

    Such sweet sentiments expressed in this beautiful form. It's not easy to combine beauty of form and content like this. Good luck in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • M.A.King
    November 13, 2004
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    this is a stunning work, mariza! i am familiar with john's definition poetry and it is an amazing form though not easy to do...not for me anyway. i was astounded at how you worked this into a villanelle, which is yet another difficult form. and to top it off it flows so beautifully, each line defining the one before it to perfection. this is quite a work of art and much talent and skill went into it. since i have worked with both forms i know the care it takes to do only one but i cannot imagine the ability it took to merge the two forms like this. the content is simply lovely, descriptive and moving. i have a visual as well as a feeling of this lovely woman you speak of. and a wonderful mentor you have as well!!

  • Mari Goes gold member
    October 12, 2004
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    Thanks! Many times I think to write a new one, but thinking on the headache that it gave me, I say to myself 'tomorrow, tomorrow' and tomorrow never comes


  • October 12, 2004
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    good villanelle, i ahve done a few of these but not with defining line, perhaps i will try that sometime. a great poem to write for your mum. we have got to give them credit where credit is due


  • Jenn-Uh
    September 25, 2004
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    amazing really and truly that you cna care for your mother oh so much and dedicate this wonderful poem to her really well done good luck in the contest...
    ~Jenna


  • Mari Goes gold member
    September 11, 2004
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    Thanks, I'm glad you liked it


  • Jettison
    September 11, 2004
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    This was great, and I loved the form! I've never been a huge fan of Villanelles, but you might get me to change my mind on that! This reminds me, not of my mom, but of another lady I call my "second mom". She is not old yet (far from, actualy) but she has the same qualities you speak of your mother. Thanks for entering this... it put a genuine smile on my face!
    ~Dragonf1y

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    September 6, 2004
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    A beautiful tribute to your mother in a very well constructed villanelle. It is absolutely wonderful. Best wishes.... ~genielassie~


  • Zahhar gold member
    August 20, 2004
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    this clearly has a lot of personal value. i could go for a slightly darker shade of blue for the print to make it easier to read on the background.

    i like your use of assonance in place of the b rhyme and secondary consonance in place of the a rhyme. for it to be primary consonance, the consonance would have to occur within the accented syllable, but close enough. nice to see an alternative prosody being employed.

    i can feel your love for your mother in this piece.


  • swiftlyblue
    August 14, 2004
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    Beautiful piece, hon. I'm afraid I been self-taught when it comes to this particular style of poetry, so forgive me if I seem so very uneducated with this poem!

    Good job, good luck , and thank you for entering my contest, I greatly appreciate it!

    for Emily

  • poetryality silver member
    June 19, 2004
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    My mother turned 73 on Thursday, June 17th. She is a delight and you describe her well with this poem.

    You aced these forms so greatly. I tried so hard in macandrew's "definition contest", and failed miserably in defining the words. I have since sat down to try again, and failed over and over again. I will keep trying for, "nothing beats a failure but a try".

    This is beauiful Mari, and your Mother is so worthy of this exquisite poem. I will share it with my mother for it so reminds me of her.

    Glad you'll get to spend time with you father!


  • Samplette gold member
    June 19, 2004
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    Beautiful work....very well done....wow...you did wonderful..
    Sam

  • Mari Goes gold member
    June 19, 2004
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    Hey, lot younger than me?!! lol Well, I'm indeed older than you but don't forget I'm one of the 7 and the third youngest


  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    June 19, 2004
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    I honor your mother. You have described her as a woman of virtue, knowledge, wisdom and power. I hope that one day, whenever I become a mother, that I will set a great example for my progeny and they will be able to say the same of me. It's always wonderful to hear praise of the women who will buckle down and do whatever it is they must for their kids, even if it means sacrificing certain things for themselves. My mother is only 46 (but then again I am a lot younger than you, aren't I Mari? lol) but she is intuitive, and she raised me practically by herself. Despite paranoid schizophrenia I have never known a stronger woman.

    I applaud you both. (I ran out today, so I'll have to come back and give one next time I get on)

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora

  • macandrew
    June 18, 2004
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    wonderful

    I was amazed to see someone try a villanelle with this contest. All those refrains would have made the definitions nearly impossible. You are much braver than I.

    Beautifully written. Another in the group tied for forth.
    John


  • MargaretG
    June 18, 2004
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    Incredible!

    I am tremendously impressed. Your definitions are lovely, and the recurring lines of the villanelle fit in beautifully. What a loving tribute to your mother!

  • RebelRikki
    June 18, 2004
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    I can't imagine how hard this must have been! I don't think all the rhymes worked, but it's an amazing piece of work anyway. You did a great job describing your mother (She sounds brilliant), staying in a difficult form, and with the definitions. You're awesome!

  • MeMySeLfaNdi16
    June 18, 2004
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    OMG. This is so good. It was written so nice and it is so sweet. GOOD JOB!

  • mina nagi
    June 18, 2004
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    Mari,
    This is simply wow... it's a lovely poem you've penned here...it's very well written... it's a nice tribute to your mother... she must be proud of you... God bless her... Good luck in the contest...
    mina
    Edited on Jun 18, 7:49 because ''.


  • KastleK
    June 18, 2004
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    Lovely Tribute

    This is simply amazing. What a lovely tribute to your mother, what a lucky girl to have such a mother. I'm guessing it rubbed off and you're a great mom too. I don't know how you have time to write such amazing stuff with the busy-ness of a mom with young children.

    I especially love these two lines:

    New lives in her garden of love have grown,
    Children became adults, they are her prize

    Just lovely.

    Kerry
    Edited on Jun 18, 5:55 because 'typo!!'.


  • simpliterature
    June 18, 2004
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    i am very sorry, i spoke too soon... more than 1 applause is not allowed... MY SALUTE to your defined villanelle and to your Mother...


    Edited on Jun 18, 4:16 because ''.


  • simpliterature
    June 18, 2004
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    Speechless!!!
    Allow these 3 applauses to speak for me...

  • Mari Goes gold member
    June 18, 2004
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    Thanks Hugh! I really didn't notice the HAIR, I posted it and left just after. Have been busy with kids school exams and lots of my own work. To help the situation this computer is still giving me a hard time! That is why I haven't been so much around the last days
    Kisses and hugs,
    Mari


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    June 18, 2004
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    exquisite~

    Oh my word
    This is simply stunning and impressive sweets
    I love it I would of had a headache from the first line hehe
    But you have done this so brilliantly
    Good luck in the contest, its surely a winner
    I just posted two tonight one awhile ago
    Got a clean bill of health from the Dr Mon my pneumonia is gone
    Thanks for the get well wishes and prayers I just have to take it easy awhile longer
    But my muse has finally returned thank heavens
    So come on over & see me
    Love this poem
    10 stars for it *****
    Hugs n love
    Susan~~~

  • a u r a
    June 18, 2004
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    applaudable

    You have very brilliantly crafted this poem-though I know you must have put in a tremendous lot of hard work, the end result is so smooth and flowing-the entire poem simply floats -very sleek indeed- the subject matter has such a lot of depth and quality-it is marvellous- a total pleasant experience


  • Gingerandhoney
    June 17, 2004
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    I thik this is an exquisite piece full of great sentiment for a mother much loved, and the form is excellent. I enjoyed reading it very much, Good luck in the contest.


  • hugh wyles silver member
    June 17, 2004
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    Tremendous.

    Dear Mari,
    What a stupendous amount of effort to construct this almost impossible conflict between the demands of the villanelle and those of definition poetry! Do you realise, in the second to last line you have 'hair' instead of 'her'? (Trust me to find something wrong!!!) Some of the definititions don't quite fit but, to keep the villanelle form, I don't know what you can do about that. You'd have to change the last word and that would muck other things up. Oh dear!! Haiku's are much easier!
    This is a great effort, which I applaud.
    Love and hugs, XXX Hugh.


  • Spear
    June 17, 2004
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    I guess this qualifies you as a Poetry Structural Engineer! Beyond all that, a very fitting tribute to a well deserved mother; Don't know if its just me but it seems the values that our Mothers lived by have changed so much that the entire concept has been somehow redefined.
    Hers is clearly a complete dedication of her life to every breath one of her children takes.
    Well written and well put.
    Impressive!
    Spear -->

  • Mari Goes gold member
    June 17, 2004
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    Thanks Susan, to write this has caused a little headache and I'm nopt so sure about the rhymes but after all that work, I had to post it
    Mari


  • SusanL
    June 17, 2004
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    Oh this is stupendous... I bow to your superiority... I was wondering how you would pull off the multiple definitions for each word that a villanelle would require especially with the last two lines... You have turned this nicely...
    Bravo!!!

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