I linger in the past now:
Stars blazed, roses blushed;
Before all colour faded,
Sweet music hushed.
We were woven together,
Blocked out the world,
Locked in knitted pattern,
Until our thread unfurled.
We held each other’s dreams.
Sheltered from slanting rain,
Shielded piercing wind together,
Knew nothing of this pain.
Oblivious of the other world,
We spoke of love unending;
I little thought that as we leaned
Our flower of love was bending.
We nestled close, breast to breast,
Your beating heart fulfilled me;
I poured my love into your cup,
My fear is that ... you’ve spilled me.
Author notes
All's fair in love and war,eh ?
Written August 10th, 2000
A contest entry
- Do you want a trophy? For those that have few or no trophies. LOTS of Honorable mentions! by lovelustre.
600 points, ended December 14, 2006, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 86 of 86
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amazing:)
beautiful! i loved the way you carried such feelings and put it in words that hits the heart...well done!sweeeet and full of feelings
juliet
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This piece is very tender and caring, like you put your time, your emotions, and your very memories into this piece. It is so very beautiful. Your metaphors add such an elegance to this poem. It has a veil of sadness, like when you know something is coming, or in your words, bending. A very soft touch Tony; rhyming was graceful and very fluid. You paint a vivid picture, clear to see, clear to feel. I'd like to know more...
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Melting
Makes me have to say "awwwwww" out loud. "Looking Back" has given me the urge to embrace the soul of this poem.
When souls are but one...how is it that they come undone?
Keep Feeling Fascination,
~Tiffany~
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Ooh.. this was so sweet and beautifully written.. I really enjoyed the imagery here.. And the emotions that just pour forth from your words.. Beautiful write..
Maeve
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aawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
this was wonderful =)
and yet sad :/
lol
but lovely write
stephanie
♥ ♥ ♥ -
Excellent piece camus
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Excellnet. love the twist at the end. You write of such beauty in love and the fear we often have of it.
Well done, dear poet.
Love and Light
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Wow, I Love This Poem. It Is So Beautiful & Well Written indeed. And the way I see it when people say Love Hurts That they are wrong. Love never really hurt anyhow...it's the person they were in love with who hurt them. Great Write Keep Up The Wonderful Work.
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omg that is beautiful!!!! i have felt this way so many times. but with your authors note, i dont think all is fair in love and war, it never is, other wise we would never have our hearts broken.....
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i poured my love into your cup
my fear is that you've spilled me!
wow wow wow!!! godness!
how have you got that image!
nice
i haven't cot much points to applaude.
but you deserve
thumb up
you're defently in my list
and you're a very romantic talented man
so keep the muse
and keep pouring your love..
into the cup
becuz althoug loves hurt, at least you're a generous man and you gave your love.. and one day.. it won't be spilled! gd luck for you
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This is a very well expressed write. Wonderful use of metaphors and rhyming.
Harrisham Minhas
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omg! that was an amazing poem it was sad....and it was just so amazing words cant describe how good it was.
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OHHHHH I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!
wow i love your choice in words,very well but together.
Even tho the lines are short i can still retrive the concept of the poem.
Its very sad, and fufilling,
BEST LUCK IN THE CONTEST.
So far you won me over.
~Tiff~
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Wow! A wonderful romantic poem of love and the loss of that love! I love it begining to end! A masterpiece!
The ending hit a tender spot, a lovely tender spot in me. As did the whole poem.
I poured my love into your cup,
My fear is that ... you’ve spilled me.
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applaud this one
very well writtenand vey expressive and to the end. I love it -
We were woven together,
Blocked out the world,
Locked in knitted pattern,
Until our thread unfurled.
&
Oblivious of the other world,
We spoke of love unending;
I little thought that as we leaned
Our flower of love was bending.
these are my two favorite parts...they paint a vivid picture
You did really well here, this one can only bring attention to your writing talent..
Very nice indeed! -
Absolutely groovy!
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wow
Wonderful writing. when you started with this stanza:
I linger in the past now:
Stars blazed, roses blushed;
Before all colour faded,
Sweet music hushed
I took it as you were recalling when it was good. The following stanzas were in past tense, so I knew this was a poem about a past love. And it is good. but that final line, when you put:
My fear is that ... you’ve spilled me.
wow. that said it all, that is an amazing line.
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Oh this is a beautiful piece. That last line in fantastic, a great ending to a great piece of writing. I love the lines in the 2nd and 3rd stanzas. Well done. I loved this.
Claire
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im so jealous of your talent , i wish i could put my words like yours , your vocabulary and structure is so matured , i really enjoyed reading this , like you said i think we do have the same depth of feeling , your poetry like jumps out to me , it all makes sence , Thankyou for commenting my piece ,i like yours as well
Good Write Amie :] -
Oooh my, but this is beautiful and poignant! The love you have in your heart and all the emotion it contains can be felt through every line!
Awesome write! -
Ooohhh...sighhh...What can I offer you but the encompassing silent shadows of my heart, which aches for you, my Friend??? How I wish I could ease your suffering...wave a magic wand & give you what you love so elegantly, desire so fiercely, need so badly, want so much...This is brilliantly beautiful...hauntingly sorrowful & lovely, camus...& I wish you did not feel these things so deeply that they whispered these shattering tears in ink...Yes, I understand this one well...Ohhh, how I wish neither of us did, Poet...
Wanda
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excellent
That was an excellent piece... and all too true in the game of love. That feeling that you just can't seem to chase away... the fear that your loved one has stopped loving you back. -
Time worth spending and certainly no trouble to stop by and yet AGAIN read this wonderful piece of yours.... Browsing through my favourites today, I came upon this piece and thought how delightful it would be to read something new of yours... but for now, a favourite piece will set the tone for rememberances...
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well it is a touch of the very peculiar way of the impression of the love and description of the write too is forcing to think very deeply to touching the real focus of these words which are very meaningful through and through.The thoughts are vey deeply take on towards its journey and touching its destination too.The flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too. I really appreciate this work.prabhudayal khattar
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My fear is that...you've spilled mine....
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wow this is a lovely poem that flows nicely however in the 3rd line you mispelled color next time you might want to put your poetry through spellcheck so it does not take off of your beautiful work
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Wow, that last line was a perfect ending. A love so pure and viscously ripped is soul-wrenching. The clamps of the soul are taken off during love, allowing for the soul to be sent into the dark and painful abyss. I'm going to applaud this. Most heartfelt and elegantly written.
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Wonderful write...I loved it!
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Very beautiful poem and the words flowed really well. you have a great talent for wriitng and I enjoyed this poem...kepp it up and your right :all is fair in love and war.
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Very poignant! a gorgeous piece... i'm left with a bitter sweet feeling of love revelled in and then gone...
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Wonderful, wonderful write, but yet so very sad....I truly enjoyed the scene you painted with your words...Real life experiences sometimes lead us to write our best work...job well done, keep up the good work.....
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Hi Tony a very beautiful but sad poem, sometimes we give too much and get taken for granted, we hurt they walk away as if nothing happened, life my friend and love is painful, a great write, all the best, hugs Di
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wow this is so sweet...never stop writing ever cos this is so amazing!!!! i luv it soooo much!!
wow!
kaz xx -
Very well said,this is a sweet poem of love,hope your love wont spill over and go away,awe you know she is yours with a poem like this one how could she go away. .
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Hey sweetie, Wonderful job on the imagery.. I loved how you blended the lines with this incredible wording.. It was just wonderfull then the ending.. wooaaa... I loved loved this.. it was just wonderful... "My fear is that ... you’ve spilled me." Took my breath when I read that line.. wasn't expecting it.. great job.. keep up the good work...
...Best of wishes.. xoxo Cabled Heart
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Oh sweet Tony, you have gotten my attention yet again... This one has been in my favourites forever and I have now read it twice today. It is just stupendous and that last stanza just takes my breath away...
Do not argue with me, you are a wonderful writer!
Remind me to tell you about a coincidence with this piece. (has to do with a certain name... lol)
~Diane -
Awesome write! And you've got that right, "All's fair in love and war" For if you don't protect your own a*, who will?
Great imagery!
TD -
Thanks for your positive comments Jenna.
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Wow, I really love this.
With your poem, I felt compelled to try something I've never even considered trying before. I took the first line from each stanza and put them together to form a shorter poem. Look at what it comes up with, it's totally awesome.
"I linger in the past now:
We were woven together,
We held each other’s dreams.
Oblivious of the other world,
We nestled close, breast to breast,"
Beautiful, either that way, or in its full form.
Love and light,
Jenna -
This is a nice write. I enjoyed the piece. I usually don't like rhyme but this worked for me. I like the flow of the piece it kept my attention all the way through.
Nice write.
~Dee -
good
very nice poem...the words flow together very nicely and it is very clever....i am impressed -
Thank you for your kind words about Looking Back - the really poignant aspect of this poem is that it's all true camus
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i realyrealyrealy love this
its so sad and the rhyming works fabby!
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awesome poem... your style reminds me alot of my own. Overall great job!!
love
lady luck -
What anothder great poem!!! the last libe just did it for me. quiter prolific you are but still amzing.
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Thank you so much for your gracious comments on "Looking Back".I noticed the number of reviews you have written and have to say that it's generous people like you who make this poetry site the success it is.Thank you on behalf of all those who truly appreciate the time and commitment you put into this site.You are the real star,not me. Tony (camus)
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The poem flows wonderfully well and has a rhyme that keeps the beat but doesn't deter from the poem and that is what I most like to see in rhymes.
We were woven together,
Blocked out the world,
Locked in knitted pattern,
Until our thread unfurled.
I liked this stanza most and the final line of the poem gives it a twist of poetic irony that you pulled with prowess. Well done. Best wishes and s... ~genielassie~
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It would be good to receive a reward - thank you.
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My cohorts say you deserve an honorable mention. What say you?
(honest answer)
Edited on Mar 08, 8:10 p.m. because ''. -
THis poem is really good. I thought that the emotion you portrayed was ver clear. It was very well written. Keep up the awesome job.
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Hi. Thank you for your reminder about reviewing but I have commented on 2 poems from your contest already.My comments are on the page where your entries are listed but lower down than my first message.Cheers - camus
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Don't forget to post which one you read and by who in your author's comment box thingy. I would hate to have to disqualify you!
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Wow, "you've spilled me" what an interesting phrase for the last line! Powerful to me somehow...to spill instead of drink you...WOW it leaves me speechless!
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It's sorted now - I couldn't read the words on your contest site but it was an AP fault that has been rectified.I've entered 2 poems altogether and have reviewed 2 others as indicated to you in my later message. Cheers camus
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I've read many of the contest poems and commented in depth on " I can't tell you this..." by Duana. camus
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I poured my love into your cup,
My fear is that ... you’ve spilled me.
That is an incredible line. I am simply amazed by this poem. Seriously, I thought it was all light and fluffy, and while the poem painted gorgeous imagry to show a beautiful world,it seemed all fluff until the last line which pulled the entire poem together, adding meaning to all the beauty you penned. Love it.
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Amazing piece you have here. I'm so glad you entered into my contest! I'm lucky that so many talented writers are entered but cursed because I have to choose between them all.
You have not made the entries easier to judge.
Before I forget don't forget to post which one you read and by who in your author's comment box thingy.
I would hate to have to disqualify you.
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hey there, sorry this took so long for me to reply to your comment you made on "hypocrite," i havent been around lately. first of all, thank you for your comment. i can clearly see you've been there before...this poem is beautiful. thank you for sharing
*~*melissa*~* -
Joyce,I always value your comments. Thank you. You would not believe the number of people (outside of this site) who have singled out the last stanza,which pleases me immensely. camus
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Thank you for your encouragement re Looking Back.It was really appreciated.I can't believe the number of people who have commented on the last stanza. camus
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I can't rhyme smoothing to save my soul, your's flows like a river. I absolutely love the way you ended this. Your words remind me of someone I once loved. It made me sigh how closely the story fit. Awesome write.
Red -
I love the last line in particular "I only fear that you've spilled me" That is great, just great. This is a brilliant love poem
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We nestled close, breast to breast,
Your beating heart fulfilled me;
I poured my love into your cup,
My fear is that ... you’ve spilled me.
Applauding here...wow, what a fantastic last stanza. That's just one of those things you read a say, "Damn, I wish I'd written that!!"
Ruth -
It was very kind of you to be so supportive of my poem "Looking Back".It meant a great deal to me to read your comments - thank you so much. camus
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those last lines are breathtaking
i see what you mean in finding the resemblence in my poem
love is grand and dangerous huh?
ash
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Heartfelt
This is such a beautifully and well written peice and I really loved the ending.. You use such thoughtful and imaginitive words, it sounds like you put a lot of emotion and time into this.. Keep up the excellent writing! -
wow..i loved it...i do want to say that i really loved the last few lines
"I poured my love into your cup,
My fear is that ... you’ve spilled me."
the metaphor (is that what its called? im really bad at vocab and stuff like that) its really an awesome way to end the poem...great job! and keep it up!
~Me -
I loved this poem. One of the better love poems that ends with kind of a sad note. Well done! I like metaphor of spilling. Excellent write. Keep up the good work!
~CT -
simply wonderful
What a fantastic ending! Superb metaphor and an excellent write. -
wow, the ending was magnificantly(however you spell it) sad. i liked it a lot. it has such a great flow to it. keep up the great work and once agian, great write!!!
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sips coffee and spills some
Great ending! The poem really flows well, and then that last line of you being spilled just wraps it all up, and really makes it hit the target of making an impression. Keep it up -
This is a really good and well written piece of poetry. My fave lines are the first four. I think that they were put and worded really well. Keep up the good job!
Bye
~Mist
aka
Dani -
Diane,thank you for your positive comments on my poetry.Apart from receiving the bonus points from me for the comments,I want you to know that I really appreciated the time and trouble you took. Tony Ryan
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I adore the last two lines but the poem in all it's splendour is captivatingly bittersweet. To say that I've been there seems trite yet so fitting...
Bravo! ~Diane~ -
I love the ending. Kniving wind was kind of hard in this piece as it seemed to make me pause in all the piece that had flowed so wonderfully prier to that point. Great Job on this!
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lately i've been deciding that everybody should make their poems into a song, this is definately a song...sing it my dear.
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Glad you got something positive from my poem.My ability is not superior to yours but I was able to write with such a profound insight cos I was there and always will be. I've lived with it for 4 years but,apart from lapses,I cope and still enjoy my life,albeit on a less passionate plain. To tell you the truth,there is less pain now than when I knew her and believe me that is a bonus. Good luck camus
Edited on Jan 09, 12:10 because 'error in message'. -
I had to read this after your comment - I wasn't disappointed. It's so well written and beautiful. Your creativity is on a level far above mine. The last two lines really hit home. Your author's comment and later remark gives people hope that time is the greatest healer.
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Thanks again for your comments and compassion. Don't worry, I'm not depressed - I've learned to adjust to it.
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I'm sorry you must live that way. I know it is a very hard thing to go through. Most people don't believe me because of my age, but I've experienced it. It is hard. I hope you find joy in life once again.
This was well written. It showed imagination and creativity. Excellent job. -
:)
I really liked this piece. Delighted you decided to enter. Good luck! Tootles! -
wow the ending really hit me, very clever. nice job on this poem. i can relate to it very well... thats how it was with my ex bf... he spilled me. or rather, he threw the cup across the room, spilling me pretty bad. lovely write, thanks for entering and good luck. take care, hope things get better for you! keep on writing.
alwaz~BB
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