My lover's eyes are crossed, wave to and fro,
His nose, an ogre's ridge, much to the fore,
I send him out each day and hope he'll go
And not come back 'till this lifetime is o'er.
His skin is dire and pitted like a grid,
Wild hair all matted as a rabid dog,
Great forehead huge, yet pea-sized in the id
And voice that would offend a deafened frog.
To his ablutions he won't give a fig.
He reeks of cat's pee and of fouled roe, fried.
His fingernails would be just cause to dig,
Yes, on his stinking clothes fleas catch a ride!
Yet forged in his intent to spare the rod,
A caring heart, that plain, was wrought of God.
Author notes
This is a parody of a shakespearean sonnet number CXXX which starts with the line........
"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun"...
The link to the poem in Old Poetry is ,,http://oldpoetry.com/poetry/4799
I've always thought it a very funny poem so I thought I'd give it a go.
DISCALIMER!
( This poem is pure fantasy and bears no relationship to any persons living or dead that I know lol)
Written June 17th, 2004
A contest entry
- Puzzling Poetry by chasedbythecows.
600 points, ended June 30, 2004, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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love it! its original, unusual and funny and i really enjoy sonnets and the structure and pace of them, this is a brilliant one v creative. lyk it alot! xxx
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lol! Someone made a song similar to what you wrote, here at home. And it came in the top 10 for a month. But this time, he was describing his girlfriend.
Very amusing. This brought memories and made me laugh. Nice creativity.
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i think i have read this poem before but i love it none the less. i dore your work
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you have done an excellent job here...Shakespear would laugh at your parody...good luck...freda
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I laughed all the way through this. you better win or I'll have a bone to pick with someone lol.
have I added you to my favorites yet? I dunno, but am about to remedy that. 
great and funny~ O -
Well worded,well rhymed,well sonnetted,well disclaimed,well enjoyed and very humorous too.Good luck in the contest.Bill
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That was awesome. You are really good at writing poems...umm i don`t exactly know what to write...thanks for sharing and keep writing....i`ll read more of yours.
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wow, using a bunch of h's to get points. I wish I'd thought of it...not.
As for the poem, ummmm...I think you need to trade up there girlfriend! If he's as bad as you say he is, I wouldn't mind giving him to my ex. I've got 20 bucks! What do you say?
Very cute piece! -
What a descriptive write! It so describes someone that walked into the office here yesterday - hmmmmm! Great work, much enjoyed.
LLL
Rhi
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You did a great job using all the words. Very cool write. Queen
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brilliant work
Your are nothing short of a word weaver Ginger...as long as his heart is caring...everything else can be worked on Starting with a bath... I enjoyed this! thanks
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very nice person, you described there...wish I could meet someone like him...err...anyway haha very nice poem, and very funny too...most of the sonnets I've ever read are love poems...wait, could this qualify as a love poem? you did say he had a nice heart...meh...whatever, it's a good poem is all that matters
~colleen~ -
This Was Cool To Read, I Liked The Words Lol. It Remindes Me Of Shrek, Lol. Nice Write. Oh SHIT!! JEOPARDY IS STARTING!
Keep Scribbling! Bye! Lol. -
i do not understand all your words, but you rite so beautifuly, i really dont care. breathtaking milady. truly
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Did someone send you my photograph! You describe me so well. I may put my Sonnetry poem in my list. Though it is a little rude.
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This is gorgeous. I mean this poem is amazingly written. I like it a lot. I think you did a wonderful job there. It is not surprised to me that many critic this excellent piece. Anyway, it was more than a pleasure to read. It flowed very well. I enjoyed every single word. I thank you so much for sharing such magnificent piece. You have a tremendous night and may God bless and protect you too. Keep up the good job. Until next time, peace and love....................................................................
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*bows*
hahahahaha. oh lovely. that is one of my fav. sonnets too. and you made such an... enticing.. remake. oh love. what it does. heh.
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It's good to know that you don't interreact with a person like this..lol This is a very creative and well thought out write..It is funny and made me chuckle to myself..I don't think that I could handle such a challenge as this ...You are very talented..This is great and fits this contest well..Best of luck in the contest..
Much love
Bambie -
Good/Funny
YOur a great writter! I really did enjoy this piece! Keep up the great work!!!! -
This was good...great humor in it! I enjoyed reading it! Good luck in the contest!
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I like this one! It's funny, and I can relate to being around someone dirty or ugly! lol Nice write! You're one of my favorite poets to read! Keep writing!
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ROTF LMAO -- this is brilliantly funny! "Yet pea-sized in the id" LMAO!!! You did a marvelous sonnet.
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Fabulous
What a riot! This was so much fun to read, and then to find that some words were required! The rigor is amazing.
I think that cat pee is just as proper as cat's pee, and easier to say. Your call.
How true that we wish that all people were clean and neat, but God has given good hearts to many who are not. Excellent!
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The truth of someone leads to the individuality of poetry...and this hit it perfect you showed me exactly what you think of this person and exactly what they are like it was sooo perfect the way you just let it all out...clammy.
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didnt actually understand at first but then i concentrated.. pretty cool write. I wish i cud do sumthing like this but i dont think im smart enuff to try.. atleast yet lol great write
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Awesome parody! I have read the classic original. I'm kinda sad this isn't about a true person but it's funny nonetheless!
This made me laugh - especially about the fleas that hitch a ride!
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goodness!!! this is delightfully amusing. brought a smile to my face. best of all? the 'disclaimer'!! i could not help laughing. wonderful!
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This has got to be one of the most amusing things I have read in a while. Sonnets are tough, but to write a humorous one must be tougher. Heh, could you try doing this to sonnet 141? "In faith I do not love you with mine eyes..." Great job, hope you win the contest.
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Oh what *rigor* and *grief* you must have gone through to compose this *dirge*. Seriously, it's very well written with a lesson for us all to learn. The pure heart can come in any style package. Thanks for sharing.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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I just attempted to write my first sonnet, and I realize how tough it is ^^;, This made me laugh, awesome use of the requirements. I'd like to read more like this.
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EXCELLENT
Very, very nice....funny....OK....:-)....very nice...........excellent choice of words, imagery, and adjectives.........good going........I really enjoyed your work......nice work, and God Bless You....................~~~~~~Kittyom~~~~~~ -
its a bit , disturbing to say the least but very creative keep up the good work
avampireslament*_***_* -
This was really funny i really liked it a lot , keep on the good work , you got my fu nny applause , congratulations , MARY
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This is so funny, I loved it, you found 12 more words than me, I didn't even see fried, but there you go. An excellent parody..........
take care
sanity.
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Very sweet,
And the craftiness of masterful poetry is clear. Glad i stopped in here. Happy writings!
Tommy -
This is so incredibly imaginative. When you have a collaboration of a brilliant mind, heart, and talent come together, you can expect a masterpiece and that is exactly what you have created here. I love it! Good luck in the contest.
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Humorous Hyperbole
Excellently crafted sonnett. This reads like a meeting of "My Mistress Eyes" and Launce's "Elegy" on his dog in "Two Gentleman of Verona." Thnak for for a delightfully funny read. -
Eeeeewww... Okay, thats weird. lol! good luck with the contest!
~All 28~ -
This particular shakespearean sonnet was written in the form abab cdcd efef gg, so the rhyming words follow that pattern. It is also in iambic mentameter, ( 10 syllables to a line) as he did it in his sonnet bad mouthing his lady friend.lol
I'm glad it made you smile. I appreciate your taking the time to comment too. Thank you. -
This has made my first smile of the day. It is very humorous. I like how you said that his voice could offend a deafened frog. Now that must be pretty bad. lol. I noticed you changed the rhyming pattern on the last two lines. Any reason for that? I felt this poem. It brought many images in my head of all the ugly things. He sounds like a stinking ape lol. You did a really good job on this. Thanks for sharing hun. Lots of love, ~maryj~
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This is hillarious!
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All I can say is thank God it's not real!!!!! Being alone I am allowed my fantasies though lol. Thank you for your comments, much appreciated.
Edited on Jun 17 because ''. -
Humorous
Hi Gingerandhoney:
A very humorous poem, that makes you wince to think of all the warts and such that this one person could possibly have. I know there will be poets who will be glad he is yours and not theirs. But, as you mentioned in your close, a caring heart, was wrought of God. You did an excellent job of getting those eighteen words in this poem. You fared much better than I would have. Thanks for sharing your lover's tale. Bill
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