In the night
the wind blows softly
jasmine scents fill the air
A light dew covers the flowers
the fragrance is everywhere~
Cheerful chirping frogs
Are singing for some rain...
I look up at the sky above
And see a kalediscope
windowpane~
Jack-in-the-pulpits
Slowly nod their head
Mockingbirds sing every tune
As Mother Nature turns her head~
Squirrels leap and play
Running all around
Looking for food
Hopefully they could abscound~
I wonder...
If you ever wonder
How these things came to be....
If you have ever pondered
God's creation
That he made...
For you and me~
Author notes
Written May 12th, 2002
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
God's creation is truly wonderful. I really enjoyed this lovely poem, Blushfulmoon.
-
Pretty!
I loved it so much. The imagery was wonderful. I love writing about nature because I am very passionate about it for some reason. And I've love what you've done here. Its beautiful!
-
This is so perfect for Sunday, or any other day, I am taking it in my little poem pocket and posting it on Poetry Planet, today! I am sending my love and warm good healing prayers to you, Susan, and also a hug!
-
Nice, lyric poem but not up to your usual standard, Blushfulmoon. Some points;
' jasmine scents fill the air'
shouldnt this be;
'jasmine scent fills the air'
'I look up at the sky above
And see a kalediscope
windowpane~'
Sp. - 'kaleidoscope'. The rhythm is awkward. Something like;
' I look up at the sky above
Through a kaleidoscope
windowpane~'
flows more smoothly.
' As Mother Nature turns her head~'
I'm not sure about this image. What does it really say?
She looks round to see her creation? Also, it repeats 'head' in the second line, the Jack-in-the-pulpits (which ought to be plural - 'heads') The Mother Nature image doesnt work for me, it seems to override the rest of the poem's content.
Something on Mother Nature might have been a grand way to close the piece though.
'Looking for food
Hopefully they could abscound~'
Ouch! You make a twist on 'abscond' to allow the squirrels to make off with the food but its your own invention, made, I see, to rhyme with 'around'. You mean 'spirit away' but have indulged an idea of poetic licence to make the rhyme while ignoring the unhappy rhythm of the verse.
Overall, I think the poem is still a draft. Perhaps your dream persuaded you the song was made? We are all sensitive to criticism of our work when maybe we should be sensitive of the work itself. Subjective thrall in creating a poem can blind us to its faults and shortcomings. Of course, its easier to criticise an existent work than it is to create one but I offer these points as a fellow poet and have no desire to patronise or offend. Most comment on AP flows from online friends and is flattery and praise. Best to be on guard rather than allow complimentary comment to encourage careless facility or complacent habitude in versifying. All the best, Ray.
-
Beautiful. I absolutely love your poems on creation. This one had a great point at the end. All this beauty was created as a gift. You have a talent like a painter. You paint the most beautiful scenes with your words. You put us the very place that you are experiencing.
Edited on Jun 26, 1:01 because 'small correction'. -
Susan, this is ... more than beautiful this is .. Im lost for words, but its everything perfect, I saw all the things you wrote about, the scene was so beautiful.
I think we mostly do take what God gave us for granted, but sometimes we see something, and that makes us wonder about God's gift to us, all the beautiful things we see daily.
Fantastic... no Awsome write.
Take care and God bless
Elaine
-
wonderful!!
Wonderful, I felt as if I was there watching the wonderful things that God gave us.
I love the countryside, and I am lucky enough to have lots of Gods creatures visit my garden.
Take care and God bless
Elaine 
-
loveme
Yes, I wish I visit countryside more often. And visit national park often. There are so much for me yet to see. Yet appreciating small things are just what we all need to do, to be more passionate and compassionate. Thanks for this provoking poem. -
very good
nice poem, although the rhyme in some in some places was a little repetitive.
Jack-in-the-pulpits
Slowly nod their head
Mockingbirds sing every tune
As Mother Nature turns her head~
the picture is easy (pause) to see, thanks to your skillful (pause) imagery. heehee...rhyme. -
don't touch it!
Beautiful !
I'm lucky images like these are at my back door.
Thanks for sharing this !
Bill -
don't touch it!
this is so full of imagery,, it is beautiful! -
don't touch it!
A celabration of life. -
neutral
Wow, a poem to ponder upon. I like the last message you give to your reader :) -
excellent
beautifully done
~*~adriana~*~ -
don't touch it!
very nice. ive wondered about this alot. why things are as they are. great poem. -
excellent
Very pretty poem..
Barbs -
excellent
Makes me want to go outdoors right now! Great Imagery! -
don't touch it!
well done .. beautiful -
excellent
Beautiful poem!
Well done
:)
Sarah -
neutral
This is a beautiful and very uplifting poem.
Wonderfully written, with great images.
Andrew -
don't touch it!
Makes me sad cause its been so long since I just walked in the wood enjoying it. been way to long.
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
