Idol
I idolize I like your style
I symbolize I like your face
I copy I want to line up
I repeat And run in your race
Monkey see I want to be like you
Monkey do do everything you do
I want to be I don't want to be me
Just like you Because I hate what I see
Author notes
there are several ways to read this by swapping lines
you can read through downwards in a column, interchange lines randomly, start from bottom up...there are a million ways to read this. pick the one you like
Written June 15th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Honest Critques In Exchange For Your Best by onerios13.
500 points, ended October 17, 2004, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Like two pieces of a puzzle. I'm keen on visuals. And we are our own worst enemy.
-
it's so cool how you wrote this. it can be read in so many different ways. that's amazing. wow my comments get shallower and shallower. but i just don't know what to say. gee wiz golly gosh!
-
fair enough
fair enough, glad you could appreciate the different attempts even if it didn't float your boat or fill the moat -
Hmm...okay, I give you points for trying something new and for the most part achieving what you intended...but...it didn't do much for me in terms of poetic meanings. Most likely cause it's very trite and there just really wasn't enough there overall to incite something exciting within me. I did like the reference to the monkeys though, lol. But yeah...that's about it.
-
changed the slashes to hyphens.
cleaned it up a bit but still looks kinda the same -
Ah, I was wondering why those//// were there. Thank you for the author comments on that, otherwise I'd have just thought "how annoying" and left it at that. lol. I like it for what you're attempting to do here, although I do think it would act better as a song than a poem really. I'm a fan of imagery, and there just wasn't enough of it here. That's not a major problem really, considering how short it is, but still.... I DID like the ending however. Very strong.
-
Not to be repetative but nice job on the form. I really enjoyed the topic too, because its something I can relate to. Keep writing!
-
This wuz really cool. I like this. I liked the last two lines the best: I want to be, I don't want to be me, Just like you Because I hate what I see. Very nice write.
-
a very unique and interesting way of conveying your thoughts here. i like the fact that there are different ways to read it. i love the vague perception of the idol, but youre not looking up to them. i really liked this one, keep up the great work!!
Jen
-
Another interesting take on the "idol" name might be the word-play "I-dull" as in "I am dull"-- that's why she copies other people. Just a thought.
-
Interesting format, I like where you're going with the poem, wonderful piece!
-
This is nice. The poem was good, and the way that you made your words concrete were interesting... This is a nice write, and I enjoyed reading it. Everyone idolizes someone at some point you know? Nice job again...
-
well done
Very well done. It is an interesting perspective to see the phrases and options on translation.
This was a good, inventive read. Nice to see something different.
John
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
1 old applause
