I remember, looking at him from far away
The wind was blowing through his blonde hair that day
And I thought I didn't have a chance, a guy like that
Wouldn't even talk to a girl like me
So I gave up and sat in a corner waiting for
The earth to swallow me whole...
A turn of events, the two of us
Had to spend some time together
We found out, we could really
Like each other, but really
More as friends, than as anything else
...But no one had to know that..
Because it tortured his mother
...And that was better than,
Any other thrill in the world...
I remember his blue green eyes
And thinking, I should be talking to his sister
Who I was there to see, and not
Eyeing her brother so obviously
...And he laughed at me...
So I smiled, and made a rude comment
On the size of his feet...
So through blondey, I became friends
With Mr.Blue green eyes...
The three of us were like one whole
Spilt into three, akward bodies
No one understood us...
And that was just how we wanted it
...The best summer of my life,
Was spent with those two...
I remember rolling down a hill
With grass in my hair, and the two of them
After me, like young children...
And I remember laughing, and thinking
"We'll never be this innocent again"
As I watched the two of them fight
Over an apple... And then it hit me.
..The apple hit me...
I remember telling them, I had to move
Not down the street, or across the state
But almost across the country...
And I remember crying my eyes out..
And calling Blondey on the phone,
Telling him I felt so alone..
And Mr.Blue green eyes, thought
There was something more between him and I
...And so they fought, and to this day..
Don't speak, when really it was just
He and I, understood each other
...And I'll never understand, the other..
..Not really...
And in the end, I haven't spoken
To blondey in over a year..
He's 21 now, and I don't have
A clue what he's like, or if
He thinks I'm his friend, or even
Thinks about me at all...
And I still talk to Mr.Blue Green eyes...
Only on the rarest occasion..
...But when we do..
We remember that was the last summer
...We were really "innocent"...
Author notes
I wrote this after speaking with "Blue Green Eyes".. Which isn't really what I called him, but I always thought of him as such. We were remembering the summer we were 14, and how it seemed that no other summer ever felt the same, as "care free".. But maybe, we're just jaded.
Written June 14th, 2004
A contest entry
- Unappreciated Brilliance by KayJay.
1300 points, ended June 23, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Leaving by poetry is soul.
800 points, ended June 27, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Congratulations on the gold!
This poem tells a sad story, but with a certain amount of humour and showing some wonderful memories that to an extent outweigh the hurt. Very emotional.
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i really like this poem... you know, a lot of drama can start when your best friend is a guy... especially when you have two that are guys. i know how that goes. lol. im sorry that you don't talk to Blondey. that must really suck, and it must be heart breaking. i really liked this and you captured the emotion well. awesome job!
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Congratulations on the HM and thank you for entering the contest. Your use of upper and lower case letters is interesting as is your use of punctuation. When you use the ellipsis ( ... ) well, you might want to read the info at this site. http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/ellipsis.htm
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Ya
We've all had that. I'm an old man now but I remember those green eyes, that young smile, never ending freckles. Her incredible lust for life and not even knowing it. So beautiful. So forever/
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My editorial comments:
- lines 1, 9, 11, 14, 17, 21, 26, 29, 34, 39, 45, 49, 50. I would lose the commas after: remember, out, friends, than, thinking, smiled, three, life, laughing, them, thought, I, understand
- lines 16, 24, 45, & 58. Hyphenate "blue-green"
- lines 23 & 53. Looks as though "Blondey" might need to be capitalized?
- lines 24, 45, & 58. If you're going to use "Mr. Blue-Green Eyes" as his name, consider capitalizing all of it
- line 26. Two spelling mistakes: "spilt" -> "split" and "akward" -> "awkward"
- line 34. Consider adding a comma after "thinking"
- line 40. I'd either add a comma after "state" OR remove the one after "street"
- line 46. Grammatical error; should be "he and I"
- I'm a big fan of ellipses. Use them all the time. But there are so many in here that I think it becomes a bit of a distraction. Obviously it's your choice, but I think fewer would make the ones left in more meaningful.
I'll comment further on the content/my reaction to this piece when I'm judging. Thank you for your entry
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This obviously has great meaning to you... I can feel it in the melancholy of your words, almost a longing for a time when love was innocent and life was simpler. I appreciate the wonderful words and memories you've woven into this... It's beautiful in it's simplicity and honest emotions... Well done.
Now for the critique (you didn't think you were going to get off easy did you?
) Please understand, this is just my opinion... It was a little confusing at the beginning. I think you could have more clearly defined "blondey" and "eyes" as brothers... I wasn't sure where "eyes" came from... until late in the poem.
I might have left the "follow up" stanza off and ended with "I remember that was the last summer
...when "innocence" was more than a word..." You used first person throughout and the went to plural which broke the flow a bit...
Hope you don't mind... I really enjoyed this and feel it really is a work of "unappreciated brilliance".
Ken
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This is an awesome poem. It is always good to write down memories good or bad. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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DAMN GOOD *thumbs up*
very nice, very relatable, very emotional...VERY GOOD! This is amazing! -
this is really cute and sad. life throws some awesome people into your life and then sometimes they slip away. its good you talk once in a while, i have a friend like that! anyways.. I love how you wrote this, its great. thank you for entering and good luck!
penguinlover
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I REALLY ENJOYED THIS, IVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME TYPE OF SITUATION THROUGH THE OTHER END OF THE SPECTRUM, AND YOU JUST DESCRIBED YOUR EXPERIENCE THROUGH A BEAUTIFULLY, INTELLIGENT, AND MATURE WAY THIS PIECE HAS A GREAT FLOW AND I LOVED IT... ON A SIDETRACK THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL COMMENT.. YOU ARE TOO KIND THANKS SO MUCH YOU ARE THE WORLD TO ME
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Life every once in a while gives us something worth writing about. You did a nice job realting your feelings for that summer. well done.
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great
that is a really amazing poem. you must have put a lot of work into that. it is a very emotional piece, and it gives the reader a great image of everything you describe. -
Good poem
I have a Mr. Blue Green eyes.I had to move across the state when I was 7. Havent' spoken to him since....
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