i peel off layers
of sticky clothing
until i am bare
my hair falling down
my back and chest
in unruly strands,
my only garment
exposed, vulnerable
nude, free
gingerly i step
into the cool
clear water
the cold freezes me
in my spot
for a moment
before i plunge
forward
into deeper water
into the current,
head first
nature washes away
the dirt of civilization
and i am reborn
Author notes
Written June 14th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Nature & Sensuality by Sherlock Holmes.
350 points, ended September 19, 2004, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Beyond kickass.
Your poetry strikes me in a way that I don't think any other has before it.
Everything you write...
It just captures me.
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A wonderful poem - words of beauty and freedom. A delight to read and an expression of a beautiful experience. Thanks for entering this, and good luck!
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Such a nice feeling this gives the reader. The imagery is great and truly makes you feel as though your toe is indeed entering the water.
Victoria Lin -
my gosh I think I will be baack to say congratulations on a trophy for you this is beautifully written
freda
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hey, cool poem. i entered the contest and was looking through, this caught me attention. i like the 'nature' part of it, like the second to last paragraph.
~later -
i din't mean it in an erotic way or anything, it's just communing w/ nature can be very, spiritual, pure, innocent, renewing.
~Kate -
ummm... interesting poem
i dont know wut to say about this... i dont really think this is the kind of nature i was looking for but good luck anyways
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Love the title
Good description, very refreshing. I'd suggest using more commas, and capitalizing I. My favorite lines were "nature washes away/the dirt of civilization" because it sounds both hopeful and appreciative. Being reborn by going back to nature is a very good way to heal. Well written.
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To me, this is an excellent allegory of baptism - though you may not have meant it that way. Nevertheless, it speaks of the transformation of the body and soul - thanks for entering this in my contest. Very well done.
Best wishes,
Moses -
awww! i really liked this one... u created a picture for me while i was reading... and made me feel like i was there!! - u have talent to be able to do that... thanx for sharing- and great write!
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this is the second poem i have read from you, and i must say you have alot of talent, you seem to know how to describe juss enough to make a person feel like they are there, another great write, well written
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This really makes me want to run out to some form of water, and just let it all go!! You express well the feeling of being as one with nature while skinny dipping, and it reminds me of Adam and Eve before giving into temptation... if u know what i'm talking about. My favorite stanza is:
exposed, vulnerable
nude, free
I love this because you just use adjectives to describe an intense, deeply connected emotion, and the words serve their purpose without being too verbose. I am in awe at this work! GREAT!
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Everybody should skinny dip once in a while. I like how you compared it to being reborn, that is a great metophor. Excellent work. Queen
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This is great! I like the stanza's and the look of the poem. I think it does a really good job in going along with the theme of this poem. Well done! ~Melissa
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Hell yeah, this happens to be one of my favorite pastimes. Bloody me it has been awhile though. The tone is innocent, and in a sense, modest. Though the word 'in' would sound better as the adjective 'its'
'its unruly strands
is my only garment'
Yet, it is your piece, so keep it the way you like it.
I think the form is perfect as well. The space between cleansing and being reborn. It just makes sense.
Blessed be
Brianna
Edited on Jun 15, 7:38 because ''. -
I think it's good they way it is as well. You did an amazing job painting the picture of it all. Great job!
~Meagan -
you don't need structure this is a piece of art being reborn I DIG IT
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Keep writing.. It made me think about doing i
Kwel.... how fun whould that be.. Keep writing cause you have talent. I wanna try it now.. -
I think they're pretty good where they are. Provides some dramatic pause type thing. The last division is definitely just right.
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